Burden and Bury
by Caitiann
Summary: Rick and Beth escape the prison together. Can they find the others, and can they heal themselves? Officially rated M for language, violence, and sexy times. This IS a romance, so if you're not interested, just don't read. :)
1. Chapter 1

Rick felt everything right now. Every inch of his body was on fire. He tasted blood, sweat, and bile. There was a pause before the next hit came. Then fire again. Pause, then fire. Rick wanted so badly to fight back, to reach up and hurt the man who had taken everything from him, to kill The Governor. He couldn't summon the strength. Rick knew this was the end. It was without irony to him, that in a world where the dead ate the living, he would still die at the hands of a petty criminal. Maybe the world hadn't changed so much after all. He thought of the people he had failed. There were so many. There was a path of death he left in his wake, and as the prison burned down around him, he knew he had failed everyone left living as well. After another brutal hit, Rick's head rolled up towards the sky. In the brief moment before the next punch came –the final one, he believed- Rick looked up at the clouds. For just a moment, with the sun shining down on him, Rick Grimes was okay.

But the final blow never came. In the same moment he had accepted his death, he was freed from it. Michonne's Katanna had speared the Governor, and Rick stood up as quickly as his aching body would allow. In a flash, he remembered all that he had been fighting for.

"Where's Carl?" Rick yelled at Michonne, without sparing time for a thank you. Maybe there would be time for that later, but for now he needed to find his son.

"Dad!" Rick turned, and saw Carl running towards them. Rick didn't try to hide the tears that formed in his eyes at seeing his son alive and unhurt. He leaned onto Carl, and hugged him tightly, and pressed his tears into the top of his head.

"Judith… where's Judy, Carl?" Rick sobbed into his hair. Carl gently pushed Rick back, and looked his father in his eyes.

"Dad, she's… she's gone. I saw her empty carrier. It was… it had…" Carl broke down in his father's arms. Rick didn't ask what was in the carrier. He didn't want to know, not right now_. He had his son_, he kept reminding himself, _Carl was okay_. Rick's memories of the beautiful girl with his wife's eyes were mercifully interrupted by the sharp sound of Michonne's Katanna being unsheathed. The sounds of walkers groaning were closing in. Fire burned around them.

"We need to go Rick." He looked at Michonne with shock on his face. In all the chaos, it was just now occurring to him that they had to leave their home. "The prison has fallen." Michonne reiterated, as she attempted to make eye contact with him.

Rick nodded, and was about to acquiesce when he heard the most piercing scream he'd ever heard. His head snapped back behind him, but he saw nothing. He searched among the ruins of the prison, and heard the wail again. This wasn't a scream of fear; it was one of desperation, of anguish. Michonne grabbed his arm.

"Rick, we have to go." She said sternly. Her implications were clear. She'd heard the scream too, but did not want to investigate. She was probably right, he noted. The prison was literally crashing down around him. Despite himself, he took a hesitant step in the direction of the wails.

"Rick, you can't help them!" Michonne yelled with desperation in her eyes. "We have to go!"

"You go, take Carl." Rick spat at Michonne. "I'll meet you out there. Remember that store we hit last week? Go there. I'll find you."

Both Carl and Michonne shook their heads vehemently.

"Rick you're in no shape to…"

"Dad I won't leave you…"

But he was already gone. Rick limped towards the prison, and remembered how much pain he was in. Every step was a struggle. Rick groaned inwardly at himself. He wasn't sure what he thought he was going to do. Of course this was a bad idea. Even if he found the person, he was in no shape to fight to save them. He could barely walk himself.

Rick made his way through the prison, adeptly avoiding walkers. He had his knife in one hand, but he couldn't move his other arm. As he turned the corner of the prison, he saw her.

Beth was on her knees in staring at something. Her sobs echoed against the prison walls. Rick was approaching her from the back, but so were many walkers. Rick hurried as much as he could behind her, and reached down to grab her arm. And then he saw what she was sobbing over.

Judith's baby carrier was soaked with blood.

/

Beth couldn't stop the sobs that wracked her body. Judith was gone, and it was her fault. She had lost her presence of mind after her dad. Her dad… a fresh sob wracked her body. She'd lost everyone. Maggie had tried to get her on the bus, but she had to go look for the kids. When she couldn't find them, Daryl had tried to get her to leave, but she had then tried to find Maggie. All she found were bodies, and then… this.

It was fitting; Beth thought ruefully to herself, that the biggest symbol of hope should die with what little they had left. Beth heard the walkers, but could not bring herself to get up. She knew she should leave. But what good would it do her? Without Maggie, or Daryl, it's not like she'd last long on her own anyway. Beth let despondency take her. There was no point in fighting. Her dad was dead, and the baby she'd been raising as her own was dead. Her sister was gone. What was left to fight for?

She heard the shuffling steps behind her. She didn't even look back. Just another walker that's broken into our home, she figured, just another way to die in this cruel world. When the walker touched her arm, she didn't even flinch. She didn't reach for her knife. She just couldn't bring herself to care.

But the walker collapsed next to her, and was hugging the baby carrier close to him and sobbing. Realization and reality settled in for Beth, and she recognized the bloodied Rick kneeling next to her. He barely looked like Rick. His face was unrecognizable. Beth stared at him for a moment in shock, and then a thought hit her. Rick would understand. Watching him clutch the carrier and sob Judith's name, she knew Rick would _understand_. Walkers were closing in on them, she realized. Beth shook her head to bring herself out of her reverie, and stood up, drawing her knife.

"Rick," she whispered her voice raw from crying, "Rick, we need to get out of here." She turned, and lunged towards the walker that was a few steps away. It took all of her strength to actually get her knife into his skull, decomposed flesh or not. When she turned back around, Rick had stood up, but was carrying the carrier in one hand. His crying had stopped, but his pain was written all over his face. Beth reached over, and gently tried to take the carrier from his hand. Rick's head shot up, and he gripped the carrier tighter. Beth understood clearly.

"I'm not going to drop it." Beth promised Rick. He regarded her carefully for a moment, then nodded slowly, and released the carrier into her hand. Beth walked to Rick's side, and pulled his good arm over her shoulders, allowing him to put some of the weight on her. The two of them walked slowly, in complete silence as they made their way out of the prison and into the woods. As they passed over the hill, Beth paused. Rick tugged her gently towards him.

"Don't look back, Beth… Please, don't look back."


	2. Chapter 2

For the first few miles of their journey, Beth wasn't sure who was holding who up. They had been lucky so far- there were very few walkers to be dealt with. They had been able to dodge them instead of deal with them for the most part. Neither of them had said much of anything. It didn't feel like there was anything to say. They had stopped once, when Beth felt a sob crawling up her throat, but Rick gently urged her on, whispering that there would be time to mourn later, when they were safe. But as the sun started to set, the weight of Rick on her shoulder started to grow, compounded by the weight of the carrier in her other hand making that shoulder begin to burn. Beth knew they needed to find somewhere to stop, but all she saw were trees.

Beth started whispering to Rick_, its okay. Stay with me. We're almost there. We're going to make it._ He was trying so hard, he kept nodding along with her, and deliberately putting one foot in front of the other. But only a few minutes later, Rick was stumbling, and before Beth could stop it, they were both on the ground.

"No, Rick, please…" Beth began to beg. There was nowhere to go. She couldn't carry him by herself, especially not with the baby carrier too. It was already dark, and she could barely see in front of her. She dare not yell too much in an attempt to wake him, but she shook him vigorously. Beth began to panic- she wrapped her arms around Rick's waist, and attempted to lift him, but it was never going to work, and she knew it.

"I'm sorry Rick." Beth sighed. She hunched down and wrapped his arms around her neck, and she dragged him to the side of the road. Beth took his gun, and covered him with leaves. Then Beth went back to the road, and grabbed the carrier. She moved back to where Rick was, and sat facing him, her back against a tree. She would have to stay like this, until he woke up. Or at least until morning.

/

Rick was having a dream.

He was still in high school. He had been Quarterback for his high school football team. He didn't have the strongest arm, but he was smart, and he was accurate. Not to mention he had Shane as his tight end, and the two of them combined for more yards than anyone else in the state of Georgia. Rick knew he was probably too small and skinny for the position, but he read defenses with ease, and he led the team to more than one championship.

It was one of those dreams he was having now. The feeling of being hoisted up on his teammates shoulders as they congratulated him on another winning pass, another championship. He tore his helmet off, and the cool breeze of October pressed against the sweat on his brow. He could hear the cheerleaders chanting:

_Go Tigers! Go Tigers! Go Tigers!_

He searched the crowd, and saw his parents waving at him from the stands, looking so proud. His mom even had tears in her eyes. Rick looked over to the sidelines, and saw Lori, wrapped up in her blue and white scarf, her eyes shining, waving at him. He saw Shane walk over to her, also in his football uniform, and put a hand on her shoulder as they both start smiling and waving. Rick got down off of his friends shoulders, and started to go over to Lori and Shane.

But when Rick hit the ground and looked over, they were kissing.

Rick rubbed his eyes, and looked again.

Now they've both turned, still kissing.

Rick blinked, and everything was different. Everyone was either dead, or a walker. Blood was everywhere. The scoreboard, still with the score of 34-20, was burning to the ground. Rick looked desperately up for his parents. His father was chewing on his mother's leg, as she reached for Rick, and that same tear left her eye.

Walker Shane and Walker Lori walked towards him now, holding hands. Walker Lori reached out with her free hand to grab him.

_No, No, No, No!_

/

When Rick woke up, it was because there was a blonde ponytail in his face. He tried to move, but could barely open his mouth. He was sore, and weak, thanks, he was sure, to the handiwork of the Governor. He looked around as best as he could, trying to take in his surroundings. It appeared to be a cabin of some sort, though it was smaller than anything he'd seen before. It couldn't have been larger than a standard living room in a normal house. All the furniture except the bed was piled up against the door, and the one window was stuffed with sheets and what looked like leaves. There was a small fire place, which seemed to have a pot on it, which accounted for the warm air surrounding him. There was a small lantern in the corner, but at the moment it was turned off. Then there was the bed, flush against the wall, which he currently occupied. Leaning against the bed was a small blonde girl, clutching a baby carrier, her head leaning against the edge of the bed, mouth slightly open, and a mess of hair flung his face.

"Beth." He rasped, knowing there was only one person that ponytail could belong to. Beth shot up, immediately turning to him, and checking on his bruises. She surprised him by beginning to cry gently, and mumbling, "You're not dead, you're not dead."

"Beth," he interrupted her, "where are we?"

Beth wiped her eyes, and sat up next to him. "It's a cabin, I brought you here. There's a creek down behind us, I got some water, and some catfish… Been boiling 'em both." She grinned at her own small joke, which made him chuckle. The laugh produced a sharp pain in his ribs, which sobered them both.

"I'm really sorry, Rick." Beth sighed, her hands a flurry of movement. She pulled off his shirt, and began trying to gently move his arms and check his ribs for breaks. He grunted with each movement, but he knew the pain would be much worse if anything were broken, or out of joint.

"I'm okay, Beth. Just sore." He reassured her. She smiled gratefully, but hesitantly.

"That's kinda my fault. I sorta dragged you here." She admitted sheepishly. "You passed out, and I couldn't leave you, I just couldn't. I guarded you through the night, but you still hadn't moved in the mornin'. I did what I could to get you here. But I can't pretend it was pretty." She shrugged. "But luckily it wasn't far, and I got you here, and you're alive." she sighed. "Shit! You need to eat!" she stood up and ran to the stove, where she dipped a dirty, broken bowl into the broth, and rushed it back over to Rick. "Ain't nothin' but fish n' water, but its somethin'I guess. Sorry." She smiled apologetically at him.

"Beth, you're tellin' me, you stayed up and guarded me in the woods all night, dragged a man twice your size to a cabin, cleared it, prepped it, and got us food and water, cooked it, and you're _sorry_?" Rick smiled at her, as he gingerly sipped at the broth, "I didn't know Beth Greene had it in her."

Beth smiled back at him, and playfully slapped his arm, "all you men forget I was raised on a farm. My brother Shawn taught me how to fish, and shoot, and I had to do all kinds of farm work that kept me strong and well, life ain't exactly got easier since then. I'm just glad you're up, I was startin' to worry."

Rick grinned at her, but it slowly faded as her words began to sink in. "Finally? …Beth, how long have I been out?" he sat up quickly, panic in his voice.

"I…I'm not sure, I think 3 or 4 days." She answered, taken aback by his change in tone.

Rick put his bowl down next to him and buried his head in his hands. They wouldn't have waited, they couldn't have. They would have had to move on.

"Rick…?" Beth started, placing a hand on his arm. He shook her off. He had to go check and see for himself.

"I told Michonne to take Carl and wait for me at a store in a nearby town. I have to go see if they're still there." Rick informed her.

Beth sighed and stood up. "You can't go anywhere. You can barely walk, and there's no car. I'll go, and bring them back here if I find them."

Rick was impressed by her courage, but shook his head firmly. "No Beth. I should have been the one taking care you as it is, not the other way around. I can't let you go."

Beth smiled warmly at Rick, and placed her hand on his. "Then we go together."


	3. Chapter 3

**Don't own the Walking Dead, yadayada. Hope you guys enjoy. Give me some feedback, and with any luck I can keep this ball rolling. This is AU 4b, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're working towards the same end. You guys will see. :) Thanks to all those who reviewed!**

Rick had pushed hard to leave immediately. He was already trying to squash the feeling that Michonne and Carl had long left without him; every moment he waited felt like they slipped more and more through his fingers. Beth had convinced him to wait, that it would be better. It was already getting dark, and they were going to be moving slow as it was.

Beth had gone outside to gather water to boil for their trip. She had moved the furniture about six inches, it had seemed to Rick, to squeeze her lithe frame through the door. While she was gone, Rick examined his wounds. His body didn't seem to be too badly wounded. His arms hurt like hell, though Beth had sheepishly admitted that she had dragged him by his arms, so that would explain that. His bigger concern was his face. There were no mirrors in the little shack, but he could feel how swollen his lips, eyes, and cheeks were. Rick was still gently poking his face when Beth popped back in the door, carrying a pot full of water.

"Thank god this silly cabin had a pot and a couple of bottles, or we'd be drinkin' out of leaves." She smiled turning to him. Rick wanted to smile back at her, but he felt the task would be impossible based on the current state of his face. Beth frowned at Rick's obvious discomfort.

"Your face botherin' you?" she asked gently, and he nodded. Rick would have loved to pretend otherwise, but the swelling made him sore and gave him a headache. He watched as Beth moved quietly to the little stove and dipped a rag into the hot water. She wrung it out, and kneeled in front of him on the bed. "This may sting." She admitted, and Rick couldn't say she was wrong as she dabbed gently at the bruises and cuts on his face. He held his breath and tried not to wince as she worked her way around his jaw line, up to his lips, cheeks, and finishing with a particularly nasty cut above his eyebrow. He exhaled when she finally stood up and put the rag down.

"Best thing you can do is get some decent sleep." Beth sighed, as she placed the bloody rag by the stove.

Rick grunted quietly in response, "I've been sleepin' for three days."

Beth whirled around on her heels, and put her hands on her hips. "Rick Grimes, bein' passed out due to fever and likely concussion does not qualify as gettin' decent rest." She huffed, "now go to sleep."

Rick smirked despite himself. "Yes ma'am" he mused and Beth rolled her eyes. He crawled down under the blankets, and settled in. His eyes were shut when a thought occurred to him, and he sat up quickly in bed. "Beth- where the hell have you been sleeping?" he inquired gently.

The girl blushingly motioned to the blanket on the ground next to the bed. Rick's eyes grew big and he stared at her. "To be honest, though, I ain't been sleepin' too much." She shrugged.

"Maybe that's because you've been tryin' to sleep on the ground." He sighed, and began to get up out of the bed. Beth rushed over to him and put her hands firmly on her shoulders.

"I know you are not tryin' to get out of this bed! You are injured, and I will be damned if I let an injured man sleep on the floor!" Beth all but shouted at him.

Rick glared back at her, "It isn't any better to let a lady sleep on the floor either," he answered back sharply, "and Beth Greene, did you just curse?" Rick stifled a laugh as Beth gasped, and instinctually covered her mouth. "It's a small bed, but you're a small girl." Rick said softly as he began to scoot to the far end of the bed. We can make do for one night." He tried to smile at her. He wasn't entirely comfortable with this. Not because of Beth or anything, but the truth was he hadn't shared a bed since… well, the last time it had been an actual bed was what, the CDC? And while there was certainly nothing implied here, he was still sharing a bed with a woman, and that was weird to him- and judging by the look on Beth's face she felt pretty much the same.

"It's either this or I'm on the floor." Rick said kindly. Beth sighed and sat down. She pulled off her boots, then her holster, and crawled gently under the blankets. Rick noticed she hugged the edge of the bed, and had her back to him. He placed a hand gently on her shoulder. "Beth, I ain't going to do anything I promise."

Beth relaxed under his touch, and smiled gently at him. "I know."

/

Beth was having a dream. She was back at the farm. She had just finished dinner with everyone. Maggie was there, and her Daddy. It had been the night Carol and Lori had offered to make dinner. Everything was wonderful, and she smiled gently at her new family that surrounded her. She had helped the women chop and cook in the kitchen, and she remembered it as being the happiest she had ever felt since the whole end of the world mess had started.

Jimmy had winked at her from across the table, and she felt that familiar butterfly feeling. That night she snuck out through the window, which proved easier than she had anticipated, since Maggie had snuck out a few minutes before her. She made her way quietly to the stables where Jimmy was waiting for her. She giggled when he took her into his arms, and immediately started pressing kisses into her neck. She had opened the door to one of the empty stables, and had fallen back onto the hay with Jimmy. She had reveled in how his hands felt on the smooth skin of her stomach, and lost her head in how his body felt on top of hers. She could feel him pressing into her leg, and had moaned while tugging at his shirt.

Things had taken a turn though. They had always messed around, but Beth had never let it go too far. But Jimmy wasn't satisfied with what they were doing tonight. He started whispering in her ear.

_We could die any moment.  
__You don't want to die a virgin, do you?  
__This feels so good, let me do more, please._

Before Beth knew what was happening, his hands were down her pants touching her. She had gasped and quickly began to push him off of her. He was too big, and too determined. She had begged him to stop, that she didn't want it to happen like this. His voice was heavy in her ear.

_Its okay, you'll like it.  
__You're my girl, this is what couples do.  
__I need it, and you have to give it to me, don't be a prude._

Beth began to cry and beg, but her strength was leaving her. Jimmy had gotten her pants off and she was sobbing loudly now. Her arms and legs hurt from trying to fight him, and she was sure she had bruises on her shoulders and arms from him holding her down.

The door slammed open, and Jimmy shot off of her like a bullet. Before she could even comprehend what was happening, he was slammed against the wall with Daryl Dixon's forearm pressed into his neck. Her hands moved quickly to cover her nakedness.

Daryl had pressed a knife against Jimmy's face. "Git out of here. Now." His eyes had burned like fire. Jimmy ran out as quickly as he could. Daryl had called out to him, "You better hope I never see you near her again!"

When Daryl had turned to face her, she couldn't even see him through her tears. He had sighed, and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. She could vaguely her herself mumbling "Please don't tell" over and over as he tried to check her condition.

Finally Daryl had grabbed her chin, and made her look him in the eyes. "We are going to make sure this never happens again."

/

Beth woke up with sweat on her face. She hated that goddamn dream. She had it all the time. It was always as clear as day to her, exactly the way she had remembered it happening in real life. She hadn't talked to Jimmy since that night, and wasn't terribly sad to see him die a few short days later. It had only been the day after that they had opened the barn, and she had lost her mother and brother for good. Beth had fallen into a catatonic state, and when she came to, couldn't imagine anything to live for. She felt alone, and disgusting. But Andrea had told her something that stuck with her. _The pain doesn't go away; you just make room for it._

Beth wiped her eyes. Here she was again. Her daddy and Judy were dead. Maggie could be too. She had to find a way to make room for this pain too, though she didn't know how. Plus she was here, with Rick Grimes. She looked over at him, and couldn't help but feel a little warmth in her heart for the man. He had been through hell too. He had lost his wife, and best friend who had cheated on him together, and his son had to put both of them down. Now he had lost his baby girl, and they were about to go search for his son.

Beth had always admired Rick, and felt deeply for him. He had gone through a lot of shit, but he always tried to do the right thing. To say it was a thankless job was an understatement. No matter what he did, someone in the group blamed him. When he had got to the farm, it was Shane always pushing against every choice he had made. It had only gotten worse when Shane died and the farm fell. Beth remembered distinctly thinking while they were on the road that Rick hadn't asked to lead. But everyone looked to him for answers, and then got mad when they didn't like what he came up with. He had just been doing his best.

Still, part of her wished she had gotten out with Maggie, or even that she had gone with Daryl when he had asked instead of going back into the prison. She didn't know Rick all that well, despite being in his group for well over a year. Beth rolled away from Rick and considered what the next day could be like. She worried that Rick wouldn't be able to make the trip. She worried they would run into a group of walkers, or worse another group like the Governor had assembled. She worried Carl and Michonne would be gone. She worried she would never see Maggie again. She worried all the people she loved and had come to call family were lost forever. Glenn, Daryl, Carol, Sasha, and Ty- and what about the kids she had come to love and watch over? Lizzie, Mika, Luke, and Molly… Beth's head whirled with worry and concern, and she felt the lump in her throat begin to grow, and her eyes grew hazy with tears. Suddenly, Rick grunted and rolled towards her, throwing an arm over her waist. He sleepily pulled her towards him, and began snoring softly into her hair. Beth giggled, pulled out of her reverie. She sighed, and settled down, ready to sleep. Rick was warm and strong, and for the first time in a long time, Beth fell asleep feeling safe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Special thanks to all those who reviewed! **

When Rick woke up, it was because a blonde ponytail was once again tickling his nose. He sniffed it away, and took in his surroundings. He would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised to find himself more than a little wrapped around Beth Greene. His arms were around her waist, and somehow their legs had ended up intertwined. Rick sat up quickly, and took a moment to decide if he should be disgusted with himself. He knew it was completely innocent, and it was a tiny-ass bed, so he decided to give himself a pass this time. His bedmate was still blissfully asleep, her hair mussed and forming a small halo around her head. Her mouth was just slightly agape, and her hands lay softly underneath her pillow. Rick hesitated to wake her, but knew they needed to hit the road as soon as they could. Rick disentangled himself from her, and gently shook her shoulder.

"Beth." He whispered softly, "Beth we need to go." Beth sat up gently and stretched her arms out behind her, nearly hitting Rick in the face. Her blue eyes popped open and she turned to smile at him brightly.

"Good Morning!" she chirped, as she hopped out of bed and began to gather her things.

Rick looked at her, mouth agape, and laughed, "Good Lord, you wake up like a Disney Princess. Are birds and small woodland creatures about to come fix your hair?"

"What's wrong with my hair?" Beth frowned for show, and smoothed her hair back. She turned and stuck out her tongue at Rick. "Oh wow, your face looks a ton better." She said in awe, as she moved closer to inspect it.

"Thanks a lot." Rick retorted, giving her a small grin. Beth responded, with a small slap to his knee.

"Shut up, you knew what I meant. The swelling has gone down. How are your shoulders feeling?"

Rick moved his arms in small backwards circles, testing them out. "Fine, not too sore at all today, actually. Maybe this trip won't be so bad." The reminder of the difficult day before them sobered up the banter they were exchanging. Rick was almost afraid to leave. He was afraid he would reach the grocery store, and Carl and Michonne would be long gone. Or worse. A dark shadow descended over Rick's visage, and he stood up. "We need to get moving." He said solemnly.

To Beth's credit, she could take a hint. She simply nodded and began filling their pack for the day. They didn't have much; in fact they were hoping to fill up at this grocery store. They needed basic things, like food, and hopefully some medicine. The only things the cabin had held were a pot, a few matches, a couple of glass bottles, and an empty backpack.

Rick stood and stretched his atrophied muscles. It had only been a few days, but he knew this hike was going to be hard on his body. He was thinking it was about 8 miles away, which wasn't too bad by foot, but it wasn't exactly easy for his recovering body either. He pulled on his boots, and his old familiar holster, and looked to Beth.

"You ready?" he asked, turning to face her. Beth however was standing very still and white, staring at Judith's carrier. Rick knew what she was thinking, because now he was thinking the same thing. He couldn't bear to leave it here, but it was completely impractical to carry with them today. It would be nothing but a burden. Rick moved quietly over to Beth, and gently placed both of his hands on her shoulders.

"Beth." His words implored her to look him in the eyes. When she didn't respond, he gently lifted her chin up so they were face to face. Beth's eyes were glazed and looking past him. "Beth," he said again, and her eyes seemed to focus a little more on his. "Beth I promise you, we're gonna come back for it." She nodded solemnly.

"Promise?" she whispered, her voice meek and soft.

"Promise."

/

Beth was walking intentionally behind Rick. He was moving okay, not much limping, but still very slowly. Still, she had this horrible mental image of him tripping and turning his ankle, or falling and hurting his incredibly bruised hand. Every now and then she would see him stutter step a little, and she would rush behind him. Beth rolled her eyes at herself. It's not like she could catch him if he fell; she wasn't sure what her big plan was.

They had walked a fair amount of the way in silence. She could tell Rick was frustrated that they weren't moving faster; that they had even waited this long to even go to the store. His face was set in a look of furious determination, and she was beginning to worry about him.

"It's not your fault, y'know." Beth gingerly stated, trying to gauge his response. Rick stopped moving for the first time since they had left the cabin, and she caught up to his side quickly.

Rick sighed heavily, and held out his hands despondently. "Which thing are you talkin' about?" he asked her quietly. Beth's eyes grew large- she had only meant he couldn't help that he was passed out the last few days, and that meant they were only getting started now. Beth grabbed his wrist gently, and turned to face him on the road.

"Rick Grimes, NONE of this is your fault. What are you talkin' about?" she probed.

Rick pulled away from her touch and threw his hands up in the air. "Oh I don't know, Beth!" he snapped, his eyes going wild. "What hasn't been my fault? I should have killed the governor the first time I saw him. Our home would still be safe. I'd have my son with me. Judy would still be alive! Your dad… "Rick trailed off. Beth looked at him, and saw the pain in his eyes, but was too shocked at how quickly her innocuous question had gotten out of hand to say anything. Rick looked down, and Beth saw the tears starting to form on his cheeks, and heard the sob in his throat.

"It's been like this since the beginning. It's my fault the quarry got attacked. It's my fault about Shane and Lori. It's my fault we went to the CDC instead of the army base. It's my fault Sophia got lost. It's my fault Carl was shot. It's my fault the farm was over-run. It's my fault Lori and T-Dog died." Rick sobbed. "and Dale… and Merle, Andrea…" Beth stood in astonishment as she watched these emotions consume Rick. She saw him wipe his eyes, and ask her quietly- "What about you, Beth? How many of your family have I killed? How many? How badly have I ruined your life? What's the running count on the Greene family? Otis, Patricia, Jimmy… now Hershel." Rick finished, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm.

Beth walked towards him slowly, not wanting to upset him any further. "I don't… I don't blame you Rick. Never have." She said meekly, reaching up to move his hand away from his bruised face. "You did the best you could. Everybody knows that."

Rick stared at her with an intense gaze, and chuckled ruefully. "Do they, Beth?"

"I do." She said gently. Still, Beth knew what he meant. Rick was always questioned at every turn. Even when he finally decided to step back from leadership, and focus on farming the prison, people still gave him grief for that, and tried to get him to lead again. And in the end, the prison still fell; people still died. "In, this world, Rick, there is no right answer. And you can't blame yourself." Beth sighed, and pulled Rick gingerly into a hug. She felt Rick bury his face in her shoulder, and wrap his immense arms around her as he cried. Beth whispered to him gently, "It's okay… I know he was like a father to you too. I know we will both miss him." Tears formed in her eyes as well, and they stood sharing their pain for several minutes.

Beth was trying to not be overwhelmed with her emotions towards the loss of her father. She was putting it on the back burner for now; she had to. Once they found Michonne, and Carl, and then hopefully Maggie, they could all grieve together. But right now they had to all come together again, as a family. And, clearly, right now Rick needed her.

Finally Rick pulled back from her and cleared his throat. He smiled hesitantly at her, and took a deep breath. "How is it that I'm the one crying like a teenager, and you're comforting _me_?" he asked with a smile.

Beth returned his smile, and wiped her own eyes. "I guess not everyone can be as mature as me."

/

They were almost there. As they grew closer, the embarrassment of crying like a 4 year old on Beth's shoulder was starting to dissipate, and the anticipation was taking over. Rick was pushing through the pain he felt though his body (that he was trying desperately to hide from Beth) and starting to move much faster down the road. Beth was still walking quietly behind him. Every now and then Rick looked over his shoulder to make sure she was keeping up, and she was always right there, half a step away, and smiling at him.

He needed to find Michonne and Carl, and he needed to do it now. But he was glad he got out with Beth; she got him safe, and she had provided a certain amount of support that he wasn't sure he would have gotten from anyone else. Hell, Rick didn't even know he was carrying around all of this hurt on his shoulders, and somehow she'd already managed to take a little of it from him. It was a wonderful, if not surprising, feeling. Rick didn't depend on other people emotionally. The last time he'd tried to do that was with Lori, and well, she didn't respond exactly the way he would have preferred. He had opened up somewhat to Hershel, it was only fitting in Rick's mind that his daughter be there to help him now.

"Rick?" the small voice came in a whisper behind him. Rick turned to face Beth.

"Do you think, after we get Carl and Michonne, we could try and find Daryl and Maggie next?" she asked softly. It bothered Rick that Beth felt like she had to ask permission to find her sister.

"Of course, Beth. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm obsessed with getting to Carl and Michonne. I just think I know where they are. I have to try. Do you have any leads on Maggie or Daryl?" he asked her in his most composed voice. Rick worried that Beth now thought he was an emotional time-bomb and that she now needed to walk on eggshells around him. Yes, he carried a lot of pain, but anyone who had made it this far did. He could deal with it, thanks in no small part to Beth's support. He made a mental note to thank her for that later.

She shook her head sadly. "No clue," She answered honestly, "But I was thinkin' if we could find Daryl he could help us track her and the others."

"That's a good idea." Rick answered her honestly. "Maybe Michonne and Carl would know where to find him." Beth smiled gently, and the two began to walk next to each other in silence as they rapidly approached the store.

They were about to turn down the street to final street, and Rick stopped and turned to Beth. "Beth. No matter what happens in there, we stick together. You don't leave me, I don't leave you. Got it?" he stared at her hard, so she would know he wasn't fooling around. Rick had high hopes for how this could go, but he had been through crap too often to take any chances. Beth nodded solemnly, as the two made their final approach.

When they turned the corner and the local food store was finally in front of him, Rick's heart sank. There were small fires all around the store. Windows were smashed in, and the dead roamed freely. Rick heard Beth gasp behind him, and he pulled her flush with him. "We stay together." He reminded her.

Beth pulled out her knife, while Rick pulled out his Colt. Beth put down two walkers that had noticed them, and the pair ducked behind a long abandoned gas station next to the store.

"Rick," Beth whispered to him, "That window, on the side of the store? There aren't as many walkers around it. We could crawl in." Rick smiled at her presence of mind. He knew people had avoided taking Beth on runs thinking she was too weak and easily scared. How wrong they had been.

He nodded his assent to her, and before he could stop her, she whispered, "Cover me" and had begun sneaking her way to the window, taking down the few surrounding walkers blocking their path. She waved him over, and he rolled his eyes. He rushed up next to her, and whispered harshly "We. Stay. Together."

Ignoring him completely, Beth whispered in his ear, "The window is higher than I thought. Can you give me a boost?" Rick nodded and locked his fingers together. Beth grabbed the ledge of the window, and Rick lifted her up towards it. His hand ghosted her legs to make sure she got there without falling. To his surprise, she was able to balance with one leg in his hand, and use the other to kick the broken glass out of her way. When she finally landed on the ledge, she looked at him, and whispered, "Cheerleading. Yay!" and reached down a hand for him. She braced herself against the brick frame, and Rick scaled the wall easily.

"You're going to have to lower me down." She murmured, and Rick braced himself against the frame as she had done just a moment ago. Beth grabbed his hands tightly, and turned backwards as he lowered her through the broken window. She landed gently with a soft thud.

Rick turned around one more time to make sure they had remained undetected. No walkers were headed their way, luckily. Rick turned to jump down the window, and at that moment, he heard Beth scream.

**A/N: **I feel like I need to warn you that in the upcoming chapters there will be some, uh... artistic license taken with a few of the characters. You may not love it, but that's okay. Its already a Brick story, I'm expecting a little hate. **But I hope you like it, or at least appreciate it. Thank you again to those who review! It always makes my day!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you again to all of you who reviewed! Makes my day!  
****Of course, I don't own The Walking Dead.**

Rick threw himself through the window, landing hard on the cold store floor. His shook his head and wiped the shattered glass off of himself, and looked around furiously in an attempt to spot Beth. She was well across the destroyed grocery store floor, bending over something. As Rick began to jog through the store towards her, his heart dropped when he saw what Beth was sobbing over.

Beth was forehead to forehead with him. She was sobbing, and he was whispering platitudes to her; trying to calm and reassure her as he gently raked her blonde ponytail with his fingers. Rick's knees gave beneath him. He fell to the ground several feet behind the pair with a terrible thud. Rick let out a guttural scream, and the world around him went black. His brother, Daryl Dixon, was sitting there slouched down against a wall; pale, with a bite in his neck.

When Rick looked back up, it was because Daryl was calling to him.

"Brother."

Rick crawled across the floor towards Daryl. Beth had sprawled herself across Daryl's lap, and was sobbing into his shoulder. Daryl's arms were wrapped around her, but his eyes were on Rick.

"They were here. I was tracking them." Daryl wheezed quietly, "They left a note for you against that wall." Daryl gestured with a nod towards the far wall across the store. "They were gone before I got here. I'm sorry."

Rick nodded. The words entered his brain, but they didn't process. He could barely take in what he was seeing. Daryl was covered in blood and dirt. He was losing all color in his face, which juxtaposed against the big red bite in the crook of his neck.

"What happened, Daryl?" Rick finally asked him, when he had found words and been able to form words.

Daryl shrugged slightly. "I had been trackin' Michonne and Carl after I left the prison. They were probably about a day ahead of me. I had waited overnight outside the prison, I wanted to go back the next mornin' to find this one," he gestured to Beth who was still buried in his good shoulder, "but she was gone." Daryl gazed intently at Rick, "I can't thank you enough for gettin' her out."

Rick nodded, and Daryl continued. "I got to the store, and it was on fire. We were just here last week, but it looked completely different." Daryl began shaking his head furiously, and he gripped Beth tighter. "Somethin' happened here. I don't know what. But they left you a note." The words finally processed for Rick, and he felt panic and hope swirl through him.

"Are they…?" Rick implored, but unable to vocalize his fears.

"When they wrote it I guess they were okay. You can go read it for yourself." Rick nodded and exhaled the breath he had been holding. Daryl glanced down at Beth, who was gasping for air between sobs. "Anyway, one of them snuck up on me I guess. I swear to God somebody threw him at me. But I got him and a few of his buddies. But he took a chunk of me with him." Daryl chuckled sadly.

Rick's eyes were drawn again to the hole nestled in the crook of Daryl's neck. It wasn't in a place that could be amputated. Rick couldn't believe that this was happening to Daryl Dixon of all people. Rick had lost people before in this nightmare. He had come to accept that this was part of life now; people dying too young, and being ripped to shreds. But before it had been Lori, she was weak and pregnant; and Hershel, who was old and kidnapped. But Daryl Dixon was supposed to live forever. He used walkers as shields, and feared nothing. This wasn't supposed to happen to him. Rick was supposed to have his best friend by his side for the rest of his life. It didn't make sense, and it wasn't fair.

"Rick." Daryl pulled Rick out of his reverie. He looked up at his friend who was glaring intently at him. "Go read your son's note, and get some supplies. I need a minute here." Daryl glanced at Beth, who was clutching at his shirt. Rick stood up without much fanfare, and moved to the back of the store.

He reached the far wall, beside what had once been a dairy cooler. Smeared into the wall with soot and ash was a note from Michonne and Carl:

_We waited as long as we could.  
__We had to go. The dead and the living surrounded us.  
__We will try to come back here and find you.  
__-M&amp;C_

Rick moved his hands over the letters signed at the bottom. The soot smeared on the wall, and he rubbed the substance between his fingers. They were going to come back. Quickly, Rick bent down and gathered more of the ash that gathered on the floor, and wrote a response directly under their note, and signed it R&amp;B.

Rick then quickly moved between the shelves of the store, gathering what he could. The store had been picked over pretty well, and he knew that. It had been looted when the world went to hell, then picked over for the prison, and then presumably again by Michonne and Carl. He found 2 old cracker boxes, and a few cans of ravioli that had rolled under the shelf. He smiled to himself when he found a family size box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch that he thought might be nice. He moved to the small pharmacy the store housed, and it was predictably picked over. There were no antibiotics, but he did find some aspirin, which he decided was a victory in itself.

Rick jumped over the small counter, and found what was presumably the dead pharmacist. Rick sighed, as he removed the dead man's coat. He found some cash in the pocket, which was wildly and humorously useless, but there was also a lighter and some cigarettes. The pharmacist at least had the courtesy to blow his brains out, so at least he wasn't dealing with a walker. But Rick didn't think he'd ever get used to the smell. He took the small pistol from the man, and was beginning to walk away, when he noticed the bottle behind the man's body. He quickly tossed it into the bag as well, and began heading back to Daryl and Beth.

As he converged on the two of him, he stopped and waited next to a nearby shelf. Rick couldn't help but feel like he was encroaching on an intimate moment as he watched and listened to the pair. Daryl was whispering in her ear while he stroked her hair and held her close. Beth had Daryl's famous leather vest wrapped around her, and she was trying desperately to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"You can do this. I know you can." Daryl told Beth, who was shaking her head furiously.

"You're my best friend." She cried in anger.

Daryl smirked at her. "You're mine. Best friend I've ever known." Beth returned his smile, but her tears didn't stop. "You take this." Daryl said, holding out the crossbow to her.

Beth's eyes grew large, and she pushed the crossbow away. "I couldn't! That's yours Daryl, I can't!"

He pushed it gently back into her chest. "Ain't no one else fit to carry it girl." She clutched the crossbow close to her and began sobbing anew.

Rick finally approached them carefully, and sat against the wall next to Daryl. Rick dug in the bag and pulled out a cigarette and the lighter, and handed them to Daryl.

Daryl smiled weakly at Rick. "You are a fuckin' saint." Daryl lit the cigarette and pulled on it slowly. The three of them sat there in silence for several minutes. A small hand reached out across Daryl and grabbed Rick's hand. Rick smiled wanly at Beth, and took her cold hand in his. After a while, Daryl's breathing began to slow. The three of them all became alert. Daryl clutched Beth close to him, and pulled her head gently to his lips. He looked meaningfully at Rick, and sputtered. "It has to be you." Rick nodded, and Daryl slowly closed his eyes.

Beth let out a wearied cry, and clutched frantically at Daryl's shirt. Rick gently pulled her away from what was once Daryl Dixon and she pulled desperately at Rick's arms. Rick turned her firmly into his arms, and she sobbed roughly into his chest. He wanted to console her, but found himself without words. Rick's own tears fell into Beth's hair, and they held each other up.

After a few moments, Rick coaxed Beth into the corner. He told her to cover her eyes, and he made his way back to Daryl. He knelt down next to him, and put a hand on his shoulder. Rick pulled out his knife and rolled it gently in his palm. He whispered softly, "I'm sorry brother," And plunged the blade adeptly into his temple.

Rick finally let the sadness overtake him, and he covered his eyes and sobbed lightly. After a few moments he felt Beth's hand on his back, and her arms wrapped lightly around his waist. Her tears felt hot on his back.

**Sorry for the gut-punch... Or at least I hope it felt like one! I'm actually a pretty big Bethyler, so I wanted to do something special with their relationship. Its not going to be a traditional relationship, but we'll do some further exposition into why Beth is so sad he's gone. I'm excited with that aspect of this story too. You guys will see!**

**Let me know what you guys thought of this chapter... I normally split up the POV, but I wanted it all from Rick's POV for this one. Which kind of relegated Beth to boo-hooing in the corner for the entire chapter. But she'll have plenty to do later, don't worry!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you guys so much for your feedback! I wanted to continue this for you, for me, and for Emily Kinney, frankly. I told myself if I got 5 reviews saying I should continue, I would... and I got double that! Thank you so much!**

Beth's eyes shot open at the sound of a large 'CRACK' coming from the entrance to the store. She slowly lifted her head off of Rick's shoulder, where she had fallen asleep. The light pouring from the windows had changed from a sunny yellow to the rosy hues of sundown. She gently nudged the sleeping Rick next to her. He woke suddenly, and she pointed towards the doors. The wooden beam that was holding the door shut had formed a huge crack as the dead pushed against it.

Beth heard Rick mutter a "Shit" under his breath and he quickly stood up, pulling him with her. He began dragging her by her elbow back towards the window, but she ripped her arm from him.

"What about Daryl?" she asked him incredulously. Rick stopped and turned to look at Beth. He shushed her gently and then gestured to the door which had the fingers of walkers pushing through the opening. Their noises were getting louder as more of them gathered to push on the door.

"There's nothing to do Beth, I'm sorry." Rick whispered, and shook his head at her. He reached for her arm again, but Beth backed away from him.

"I won't leave him here." Beth said, feeling her heart beat jump in her chest. "I can't!" she heard her voice growing louder, but she couldn't control it. She turned and ran to Daryl's body, and wrapped her arms around him, crying loudly. Rick was suddenly behind her, trying to pull her off of him. She heard herself screaming, "NO! NO!" and with her cries the sounds of the walkers grew as well.

Rick was pulling her, and he was much stronger. She heard his voice break in her ear. "If I could take him I would, Beth. But there's no way out for him. I can't very well put him in a grocery cart and push him out the front doors. There's nothing we can do, I'm so, so sorry."

Beth was pulled to the window against her will, but she said nothing. She knew he was right, but it broke her heart. She struggled half-heartedly all the way to the window, until Rick gently pushed her upwards toward the opening. She climbed in and looked one last time at Daryl, when Rick reached up for her hand.

Beth glared at Rick as she reluctantly pulled him up into the window. She was trying so hard to stop crying. She wanted Rick to take her seriously, and that would be impossible for him to do while she was crying. Rick avoided her gaze, and looked instead to the ground below them. There were several walkers clawing at the brick below them. Beth rolled her eyes, and instinctively pulled out the gun which sat on her hip. Immediately, Rick's hand was on hers, gently pushing the gun down.

"'s too loud, Beth. Don't want to draw more." He whispered kindly to her. "Besides… don't you have a better way, now?" he smiled at her.

Beth's eyes filled with tears despite her best efforts. She felt the heavy weight on her back, but had somehow forgotten about it. She pulled the crossbow around to her front, and ran her fingers along it slowly. She turned and braced her back against the frame of the window, and carefully loaded the crossbow, like Daryl had shown her a million times. She turned and aimed downwards at the walkers below them. There were seven of them, and she had ten bolts. She felt Rick's arm slide around her waist and his other hand press firmly into her back between her shoulder blades. She glanced at him in surprise, but he simply shrugged and said, "kickback."

Beth took careful aim at the first walker. When she fired, she was grateful Rick's hand was there, as her body did push backwards when she fired. She also missed, and hit the walker's neck. Beth cursed and mumbled under her breath as she turned to reload Daryl's- her- bow.

"Breathe." Rick advised her as his hands steadied her again. Beth took a deep breath, and aimed carefully. She fired, and hit the walker squarely between the eyes. She smiled as tears filled her eyes again. Rick grinned at her, but nodded back seriously to the remaining six walkers below them.

Beth eliminated five more of them before she had expended her bolts. At that point, it was getting dark, and her aim was faltering. She had taken too long and now they would have to travel at night. Rick jumped down, and killed the final walker with his knife easily. Rick reached up to Beth, who had sat on the edge of the window. She put her hands on Rick's shoulders, and he grabbed her waist, and gently lifted her down. Beth began collecting the bolts, and she saw Rick out of the corner of her eye doing the same.

Beth pulled out each bolt from a walker's head with a sickening squelch. She made a mental note to wash each of them in the creek behind the cabin when they returned. She turned and saw Rick retrieving the final bolt from a walker's stomach. Not her best shot. He attempted to smile at her when he handed her the bolts he had collected. Beth returned his weak grin with one of her own. She knew Rick felt bad for making her leave Daryl. But he couldn't feel as bad as she did. After all the times Daryl had saved her, it killed her to know she couldn't even save his body, much less him. Beth looked back up wistfully at the window they had just exited. She could hear the sounds of the dead that filled the room, and she swore they could hear them eating. Beth tried not to imagine Daryl being ripped apart, his flesh and sinew being torn between walker teeth, but she failed. She fell to her knees and vomited all over some unsuspecting dead walker.

Beth felt her pony tail being pulled back by Rick, and his hand gently rubbing her back as she coughed and spit bile. Beth stood slowly and wiped the dirt off of her knees. She looked up at Rick, embarrassed, and nodded her thanks for his assistance. He put his hand on her back, and silently guided her down the road away from the store, and towards the woods.

/

Rick had offered Beth the coat that he had pulled off the Pharmacist, but she had shook him off. It was dark and cold, but she would only pull Daryl's vest closer around her body. Rick didn't push her. He couldn't; she was clearly grieving and traumatized, and he couldn't help but feel some responsibility for that. He knew on a cognitive level that he didn't have another choice. But he still had Beth's face in his head when he told her they had to leave Daryl's body to be destroyed by walkers. It was a look of total disgust, and it was burned into his mind.

Rick had insisted Beth walk directly in front of him as the darkness settled in. At this point it was too dark to see her, and he was worried about her falling, or worse. At one point he had attempted to light a match, just so he could double check their location. It quickly burnt through, and lightly burned his fingers, causing Rick to drop it. He quickly stomped out the flames on the ground and groaned.

Beth had been silent for most of the trip so far, including his fire mishap, which both worried and suited Rick. The quiet helped him think, and listen for walkers, but soon his worry for Beth overtook his other concerns.

"I'm sorry, Beth." He finally sighed, and she paused momentarily in front of him before walking on. She shrugged- or at least he imagined she did- and answered him kindly.

"It's not your fault. It was the right call. It just-"her voice hitched, breaking Rick's heart- "wasn't the one I wanted to make."

"I didn't know, for what it's worth." Rick said, once again placing his hand on her shoulder. He worried for a moment that the touch would be unwelcome, but the truth was that Rick felt better when he was close to Beth. It felt like bad things couldn't happen if she was around, though of course they already had.

Beth relaxed under his touch, and sighed. "You didn't know about what?" she softly asked.

Rick winced. This whole thing made him wildly uncomfortable. "That… you know. That… You and Daryl had a… were… you know, a thing." Rick rolled his eyes at how graceful he was with his words. He was cursing himself internally when he was interrupted by Beth's raucous laughter. It was a beautiful, if not a startling, sound. Rick cleared his throat, and Beth sounded as if she was trying to catch her breath.

"Oh, that's… God that's funny. What gave you that idea, Rick?" she asked him as they continued to walk down the path through the dark.

Rick glared at the back of her head, and resisted scoffing at her. He chose instead to tumble gracefully over his words once more. "I mean… you two were clearly closer than any of us could have imagined. He clearly loved you so, so much." Rick heard Beth choke on her tears, and he rubbed her back as she sniffled.

Beth nodded and wiped her face. "He did. And I loved him, we were best friends. But no, not lovers." She smiled softly. "It's cute that you thought that though."

Rick inwardly grunted at being called cute, but pressed forward in the conversation. "So… why were you guys so close? And how did nobody else notice it?" he asked carefully. He really, really didn't want Beth to keep crying, but his curiosity was getting the better of him, and at least she was talking to him again.

Beth stiffened beneath his hand, and Rick instantly regretted asking the question. "You don't have to tell me." He immediately told her, but she was shaking her head.

"No, I want to talk about it, about him. It's healthy." Beth sighed, and Rick waited for her to continue at her own pace. "When you guys came to the farm, you know I was dating Jimmy? Well one night…" Rick heard Beth swallow hard, "Jimmy tried to rape me."

Rick felt his blood boil. Beth had been 16 when that happened. Jimmy was already dead, but at that moment Rick envied the walkers that got to tear the bastard's flesh off of his bones. He wanted to scream, but he knew from his experience with the Sheriff's department that he needed to let Beth do this uninterrupted.

"Daryl found us and stopped him." Beth continued, taking very measured breaths. "Daryl carried me up to my room. I begged him to never tell, I couldn't bear the idea of Maggie or Daddy finding out, I couldn't." Beth shook her head and held her hands out despondently in front of her. "He finally agreed, on one condition. That he could make sure it never happened again." Beth laughed to herself quietly. "I thought at the time he meant he was going to kill Jimmy. I was horrified. But it turned out he wanted to train me, so that I could fight off anyone who ever tried again."

Rick was listening carefully to every word that tumbled from Beth Greene's lips. He couldn't remember seeing Daryl and Beth sneak off together. But if he was being honest with himself, the only time he noticed Beth Greene much was when she held his daughter in her arms. Until now, of course.

"We found time, every day, and he kicked my butt into shape. He made me run, and do pushups before he would even let me hold a gun." Beth flicked her ponytail with her hand. "And then the farm fell."

The pair of them followed a turn in the road, which signified that they were almost to the cabin. A walker tripped into their path, and Rick kicked him down, taking out his frustration as he stabbed the walker in the head. He urged Beth on.

"On the road it was different. I was watchin' for Lori, she was pregnant." Beth shook her head, and waved her hands in front of her. "You know that, you were there. Anyway, we had to stay as a group, but he would talk to me, give me scenarios. 'What would you do, if…' 'how would you handle a walker that…' stuff like that." She kicked a rock absent mindedly. "Then at the prison, we became best friends. He taught me how to shoot, he let me use his crossbow some, and we talked constantly. Michonne noticed. She thought we were doin' it too, and she threatened to slice his throat." Beth laughed again, and the sound was incredibly welcome to Rick's ears.

"Why didn't you?" he quietly asked, and Beth scoffed.

"Michonne asked that too. I didn't tell her, because Daryl asked me not to. Though I guess it doesn't matter now." She shrugged. "Not that we would have anyway, but Daryl was gay."

Rick stopped walking, and he felt his eyes widen in shock. "What?" he asked and she laughed again at him.

"Can you imagine if he told people, Rick? It would have been okay with you, but growing up? When he ran with Merle and his crew? They would have beaten him to death." She looked down and shook her head derisively and kicked the ground. "He was so used to pretending otherwise, I don't think he'd ever fully accepted it himself.

Rick had started walking again, and caught up to Beth. He was still completely in shock, but Beth was oblivious. This was a fact that was made clear as she began giggling again.

"This one time, I caught him checking out Tyreese." Beth laughed, as Rick felt his mouth gape. "I gave him such hell for that. Can you imagine? 'Hey Merle, here's my big black boyfriend!'" She laughed loudly again, and Rick found himself smiling at her glee. The moment was too short lived. She sobered thoughtfully. "I had always hoped he would find someone. I hated that he felt like he had to live his life with so many secrets, and so much fear. I really wanted him to be comfortable with himself and find some measure of happiness. I guess now he never will."

Rick wanted to say something comforting. He wanted to tell her that God had him now, but even he couldn't bring himself to form that kind of lie on his lips. Rick had long given up on God, and the last time he had prayed to him, his son had been shot. Instead, Rick gripped Beth's hand, which she thankfully squeezed.

"Beth," Rick whispered, using all the strength he could muster, "I promise we'll do something for him. I'm sorry we can't bury him, I'm so sorry. But we will do something. I swear." Beth turned and smiled at him, and kissed him gently on the cheek.

They walked in silence for the rest of the short walk. Rick savored the quiet, which was broken only by Beth's sniffles. He needed to process what he had just been told, but in some ways it made a lot of sense to him. Lots of girls wanted Daryl Dixon. Rick knew for a fact that he had received more than one invitation to the prison showers. Rick had laughed, but Daryl had just rolled his eyes. Now he knew why. It obviously didn't bother Rick that Daryl was gay- but for a long time he had fancied that he was Daryl's best friend. Turns out it was a little blonde teenager instead. Rick wasn't jealous, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't a little hurt that Daryl had felt like he couldn't trust Rick with his secret. There was another part of Rick that wasn't admitting to himself how very relieved he felt that he had been wrong about Daryl and Beth's connection.

They turned off the path, and went down the hill that led to their cabin. Rick wondered to himself how long it would take for Michonne and Carl to find them out here. He had left pretty clear directions, but it was in a store now crawling with walkers. He planned to go back if they didn't come soon, and make his choices from there.

They entered the small cabin, and Rick lit the small lantern in the corner. Beth sighed and took off her holster, and gently laid the crossbow on the floor. She flopped on the bed, and gently began running her hand along the handle of Judith's carrier. Rick smiled gently at her.

"Want to sleep?" he asked her, slowly. To his surprise, she shook her head.

"Actually," she sighed, looking up at him wearily, "I could really use a drink."

**I hope you guys aren't mad at the whole Daryl reveal. I did that for a couple of reasons. 1, I love Bethyl, but this is not a Bethyl story. Which means I have to make it clear from the get-go (and eschew my gut impulses) that Bethyl would never be a thing. But I love them together, I think they have a great connection, and I wanted to honor that in a platonic way. 2, I think its a good way to develop Daryl's character. It always made some sense in my head (Even though RK put a kibbosh on it during TTD) and I like thinking about how that would impact every other aspect of his life. **

**Also, this isn't the last we'll see of Daryl. I have a few flashbacks planned that will inform the story. So that's coming down the pike. **

**Finally, I'm trying to keep these two really true to character, which means Beth is still young. She's going to do young things, like want to find a drink. I like these two together, because I think they have something to offer each other as they are. **

**PS- Did you see Rick kiss Beth's head in the hospital? So cute. **

**Thank you guys again!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Special thanks to Kaylah who pointed out that some of you may have not read chapter 6, thinking it was my note about the midseason finale... so if you haven't read chapter six, GO DO THAT FIRST! **

**Hope you guys enjoy! :)**

Rick sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Beth wanted a drink. He couldn't count all the ways that sounded like a horrible idea. She was too young, for one. But if he was being honest with himself, he never thought of her that way. She and Carl both, although they were both teenagers, once the world went to shit they both became adults. He had been forced to treat Carl and Beth as equals with the rest of them, allowing them to shoot, take turns on watch, and even occasionally go on runs. Sometimes he wished that it were different, particularly with Carl, but that's not how it worked now. But there was more to it than just her age. She was emotionally exhausted, she needed sleep not alcohol. She didn't have any food on her stomach, and there wasn't much to give her. She had already thrown up once today, and Rick had no idea if she could handle doing it again. He needed her, a fact that he begrudgingly admitted to himself, and if she were passed out dehydrated, or god, if they were attacked while she was inebriated, they would be in serious trouble. No, Rick couldn't let this happen. But what he didn't know was how to talk Beth out of it.

"That sounds like a really, really terrible idea, Beth." Rick felt guilty as hell for having to leave Daryl in the store. He did, but he couldn't let Beth be this self-destructive. That was the worst thing he could do, because it was the last thing she needed. "Besides, where are we going to get-"

"I know you have some from the store." Beth interrupted him, causing his eyes to shoot up at her. "I saw it in the bag when you were digging out a match."

Rick winced, and subconsciously moved in front of the bag, blocking it with his body. "Beth, I can't let you do that. If your father were here-"

"But he's not, is he?" Beth interrupted again. The silence hung heavy in the air for a moment, as Beth's gaze bore into Rick. "My dad's dead. He's gone, and so is Judy. And now Daryl." Beth looked down and shook her head solemnly. "I know, Rick. I know this isn't the right way to deal with this. But I'm dealing with this the way my daddy did when he lost my mom and my brother. It's all I've got," she sniffed, but quickly wiped it away. "It's all I've got, and it's what I'm going to do."

Rick swallowed hard. He didn't want to support this, at all. But he was beginning to wonder that if maybe this is what she needed to do in order to grieve, maybe he shouldn't keep her from it.

"You know," Rick smiled, and went to sit next to Beth on the bed, "When Lori died I shut myself in the back of the prison. I swore I could see her, and the other people who had died because of me, I heard them on the phone." Rick tilted his neck and rubbed it sheepishly, "I wasn't a very good leader for a while. I was angry, and I don't know, I think I lost my head there for a little while. I had this beautiful new baby girl, and I didn't even go see her. You know who was taking care of her?" Beth smiled and nodded, but she still was looking at her feet. "It was you, Beth. You took care of my baby while I got my shit together. You allowed me time to grieve. So I'm going to do the same for you."

Rick got up and went over to the bag. He pulled out the large bottle of unlabeled brown liquid, and went back and stood in front of the bed. He bent down in front of Beth and lifted her chin so that she would look him in the eyes. "I'm like you, Beth. I don't know if this is the way to handle things or not. I'm not good at this either. But if this is what you need, I'm not going to keep you from it." Rick took her hands, and placed the bottle in them. Part of him hoped for a minute she would push the bottle away; that she would realize she didn't really need it. But instead, she slowly opened the bottle. She inhaled the strong fumes and winced. She looked Rick in the eyes, and slowly took a long sip.

/

Beth knew she had drunk a little too much at this point, but she liked how she was feeling. She wasn't so tired, or angry, or sad anymore. If anything, she was a little giggly. Rick kept trying to talk to her about one thing or another, and it just kept getting funnier and funnier to her.

Rick's face looked a little flushed to her, a little bit of dark pink was inching up his neck and splashed across his cheeks. She attributed it to the fact that she had finally gotten him to agree to join her. He had staunchly resisted at first, claiming that someone needed to be sober, just in case. But Beth had reasoned that the cabin was secure, and that she had no intention of getting so inebriated that she couldn't shoot a gun if the situation called for it. He had groaned, and complained, but his eyes had still rolled back in his head after his first drink, and he declared it the best thing he had tasted since he woke up in the hospital. Now Rick sat on the foot of the bed, while she sat at the head, and they kept inadvertently kicking each other.

She was pretty sure Rick had stopped trying to talk to her about serious things several sips ago, and now they were just talking about their childhood pets. Beth was staunchly a dog person, while Rick loved cats, apparently. Beth found this hilarious, and giggled thusly.

"What's so funny?" Rick asked her, smiling. Beth began giggling even harder that he was unable to keep a straight face.

"You like kittens! Do you also like to give them little pink bow collars?" Beth laughed at him.

Rick blushed and ran his hand through his hair. "Cats don't bother anybody. They keep to themselves. Plus, my cat Snuggles…"

"SNUGGLES!" Beth laughed unable to stop herself.

"Oh shut up." Rick blushed, though he was laughing himself. Beth wasn't about to divulge this information, regardless of how much alcohol she consumed, but she could not help but notice that Rick had a very sweet and genuine laugh. It made her happy to hear. There hadn't been many moments in the few years that they'd known each other that there was an opportunity to laugh together. Beth smiled at Rick, and he smiled back. She savored the moment, and treasured it.

Beth sighed, and let her head fall back against the wall behind her. Rick kicked her lightly, and she looked up at him.

"Feelin' better?" He asked gently, his eyes searching her features for an answer. She nodded back to him, but shrugged.

"It's good. Not as sad. But I know in my head that it's only temporary. Tomorrow I have to go back out there and fight dead things again. There's no Maggie, no Daryl, no Daddy. The world looks worse than ever, and somehow I have to figure out how to deal with it. It's just like before, only it's getting worse. Now I have to figure it out alone." Beth sighed. Rick kicked her again.

"Not alone." He smiled at her. Beth locked eyes with him and nodded her thanks.

At that moment, an extremely large spider fell from the ceiling onto her leg. Beth screamed, with no regards to their surroundings, and flew off the bed. On some level, she heard Rick mumble, "Oh, shit" and before she knew what was happening, she had crawled up on the stove in the corner, which was thankfully not lit, while Rick repeatedly attacked the bed with an old broom that had been in the corner. After several tries, the spider was dead, and Rick was out of breath. He looked up at her and smiled.

"Snuggles would have gotten the spider." He laughed.

/

Rick was starting to feel sleepy, like he always did when he had too much alcohol. Rick didn't drink often, it just wasn't his style. Shane had always mocked him for it, but it worked well enough for him when he needed a designated driver. Shane had been an angry drunk. He always picked fights that Rick had to pull him out of, said things he didn't mean, and punched holes in walls that hadn't done anything to him. Rick had always been grateful he hadn't been like that, and as he sat across from a very beautiful, mellow Beth Greene it was hard to imagine being too angry.

"You fallin' asleep on me?" she asked him, in a very meek little voice.

Rick opened his eyes, just in that moment realizing they were shut at all. He smiled at Beth, a habit he had subconsciously developed. "Maybe a little."

She kicked his boot with her own, and bounced on the bed, shaking him out of his drowsiness. "Alright, alright…" he groaned and sat up. He turned his back so that it was against the wall instead of the foot of the bed. Beth turned in the same direction, so that they were next to each other.

"You can't fall asleep on me." She said, elbowing him gently in the ribs.

"So what do you want to do?" Rick asked drowsily, trying to figure out why he was bothering to try and stay awake with an inebriated Beth Greene anyway. Beth shrugged, flipping her golden ponytail, inadvertently hitting him in the face.

"I dunno." She pondered, making a thoughtful face. "What did you do the last time you were drunk?"

Rick rubbed his eyes, and ran his hands across his face. He tried to remember the last time he had been drunk. It had definitely been awhile. "I think it was at the CDC," he thought out loud. "I drank too much, rambled about how horrible the world was, and then had sex." He shrugged. The whole CDC experience was something Rick would have rather forgotten.

Rick turned to look at Beth whose cheeks had turned a deep, dark shade of beet red. It was only in that moment that Rick realized what he had just said. Drank too much? Check. Complained about how horrible the world was? Check. Sex? Well that was obviously off the table, but Rick imagined the insinuation was enough to make Beth blush, since it was currently making him do the same thing. Rick wanted to correct himself, but he couldn't come up with anything to say that wouldn't just make it worse.

The silence was heavy for a moment until Beth cleared her throat gently, and said "you know what I really want to do?" Rick looked at Beth. She was playing with the corner of Daryl's vest, and she swallowed heavily. "I really want to burn something."

"Burn something?" Rick was confused. That didn't sound like Beth. It was reckless, pointless, and destructive. All things Beth was not. She nodded lightly at him.

"I just… I think it would be a good way to say goodbye… to Daryl." Beth looked up at Rick, and he looked down at her gentle blue eyes. It became increasingly apparent to Rick that he would never be able to deny Beth Greene anything she asked.

Rick sighed, and wrapped one arm around Beth's shoulders. She placed her head in the crook of his shoulder and Rick pressed a kiss into her hair. "I don't know how to do that, Beth. The smoke would draw walkers here. This cabin only works because there's no herd pressing against our walls." She nodded into his shoulder, but he heard her sniff. Rick wrapped his other arm around her, and waited until she fell asleep.

/

"Beth, wake up." Beth's eyes opened, but she couldn't see anything in the dark. She sat up, and felt a pounding in her head. It clearly wasn't morning, but she could sense the hangover coming her way. She felt Rick grab her hand, and gently pull her from the bed. "Come with me." He said, and she stepped gingerly onto the floor.

Rick led her out of the cabin into the woods. The air was cold, and Beth used one hand to tighten Daryl's vest around her. The other hand was being pulled gently by Rick. They quietly moved through the woods, the only sound was their boots crunching on leaves and sticks. Beth noticed that they passed a few walkers that had been put down that weren't here yesterday. That meant Rick had been out here on his own. The thought of how dangerous that was boiled in Beth's stomach, but as she currently relied on his sight to guide her, she said nothing.

They finally reached their destination, the clearing by the creek. The moon and starlight finally made things more visible, and the light reflected off of the water, illuminating Rick's face. He smiled brightly at her, though he was clearly tired. "Wait here." He instructed her. He went behind a near tree and pulled out something that Beth couldn't really identify.

"What is it?" She asked softly, as he put it in her hands.

"It's a floating lantern," Rick explained excitedly. "You can light it, and it will float up into the sky. I thought… I thought maybe it would be a good way for you to say goodbye."

Beth felt the tears forming in her eyes. This was such a beautiful gesture. And he was right, it was the perfect way to say goodbye. "How did you…" she started, but the tears stopped her.

"It wasn't hard, just took some time. I took the coat off of a walker, and used the fabric and stuffing. I used some paper that was in an old book in the cabin. Then of course we have matches, and I soaked the fabric in some of the alcohol. I carved a couple of sticks to give it structure." He shrugged.

She watched as Rick went out behind the tree and pulled out two other lanterns. Beth choked on a sob in her throat. He was acting like it was no big deal, but he had to have been here at least a couple of hours. Rick gently took the first small lantern out of Beth's hands, and lit the match on fire.

"For Daryl?" he asked, and she nodded. Rick handed the small lantern to her, and she released it up into the air. It floated up, and danced above the trees. Beth took a moment to think about Daryl. About how he saved her life over and over, and how his training was still saving her. About his face when she got him to laugh, even though he always acted like he was too cool to be caught smiling. Beth smiled at the memory, and laughed lightly as the tears ran down her face.

Next to her, Rick lit the second match, and handed her the lantern. His voice cracked as he said "For Hershel." Beth's tears turned to gentle sobs as she released the lantern into the air and thought of her father. About his brutal death, and how it juxtaposed against his gentle life. He had been the best father she could have ever dreamed of, and she was a father to everyone in their new prison family. She heard Rick sniffle beside her, and she knew he was thinking the same thing.

Beth walked slowly over to stand beside Rick, who was holding the final lantern. Tears were running down his face, and his hands shook as he attempted to light the match. Beth quietly put her hands on Rick's, and took the match from him. She lit the lantern as he held it, and kissed both of his hands. She smiled at Rick, and whispered, "For Judith." Together, they lifted the lantern up into the air, and it floated up and joined the others. Beth couldn't help but think of that beautiful baby girl, and her sweet gentle laugh. She was such a good baby, she rarely cried. If she did, Beth only had to hum her a few bars of Tom Waits, and she settled again. Beth loved Judith like she was her own, and Beth would miss her dearly.

Beside her Rick was crying for his daughter. Beth pulled him to her, and he held her tightly. The lights of dawn were beginning to peak over the trees, bathing the two with warmth and light. Beth clung to Rick and they watched the sun rise, the light obscuring the lanterns among the sky.

**Thank you all again... Let me know what you think! I didn't love parts of this chapter, so I'm curious as to what you guys think.**


	8. Chapter 8

**With the last chapter, I went over 50 reviews. That's completely humbling... Thank you all! Hope you enjoy... :)**

"_Wake up, girl." Beth rolled her eyes, and pulled her coat tightly around her. _

"_Leave me alone, Daryl. I just got to sleep." She sighed. They had been on the road all day, until they finally found another subdivision to loot. Lori had been up sick until about half an hour ago, so Beth had been up with her, as her defacto care provider. She had shushed her, held her hair, hummed to her, and rubbed her back until Lori finally felt better and went to sleep. Beth had crawled down next to her dad, and had finally closed her eyes, and now Daryl was poking her with his crossbow._

"_I'm on watch, and you haven't had a lesson in a few days. Get up." Daryl nudged her again with his walker-guts covered boot, and Beth had about had enough. She kicked off what little blanket she had stolen off of her father, and stood up. She glared at Daryl and marched off outside, while he followed her, smirking._

_Daryl sat on the porch railing, balancing his crossbow on his leg. Beth stood out in front of him, and held out her hands. "Well? What do you want me to do?" _

_Daryl rolled his eyes at her. "I don't want you to DO anythin' girl. This ain't a game. We ain't playin'. This is life or death. You remember?" he spoke quietly. He didn't have to yell. Beth looked down contritely, and nodded. They had been on the road for about a month now, and they were all hungry and cold. It had been a miracle that they hadn't lost anybody yet. Just a few days ago, Carol was almost bitten before Glenn had saved her. Beth didn't want that to be her. She wanted to be able to save herself. _

"_C'mere." Daryl called to her, and she walked over to sit on the steps. "We need to talk. I can't train you much out here. I can show you how to shoot, and let you kill a few walkers, but we have bigger fish to fry than me keepin' you alive, blondie."_

_Beth shivered, and pulled her coat around her. She knew Daryl well enough by now to know he didn't mean the last bit, but she still fired back at him. "You woke me up and pulled me outside to tell me that?"_

"_Naw, I said it wrong." He walked over and sat down next to her on the stairs. "I can't train you much physically. But every night I'm on watch, you are too now. We're going to talk about what you can do to protect yourself. We're going to figure out how to get you out of sticky situations when I'm not there. There's a lot to learn besides just brute strength." _

"_Like what?" Beth asked honestly. She was having trouble figuring out what he meant. There's only so much to talk about right? Learn by doin', he had said that to her more than once._

_Daryl turned to look at her. "Tell me what you'd do if I attacked you." _

_Beth shrugged and looked at him. "I guess I'd try and hit you."_

_Daryl shook his head furiously. "Naw, see, that's what I mean. I'm way too big and more experienced for you to overpower. You use what strengths Beth Greene has. And you know who you're fightin.'" He rubbed his neck. "You know I got a bad back. If it comes to it, you kick it if you have to. It's about using your strengths, and exposing the other person's weaknesses."_

"_I don't got any strengths." Beth smirked at Daryl. It was pretty true. She was getting a lot better with her knife, but she probably still couldn't outmatch most people in the group._

"_Don't give me that bullshit." Daryl bit out at her. "You're not thinkin' like a fighter, you're thinkin' like a victim, and I am not goin' to stand for that shit. Fuckin' tell me, what are your strengths as a fighter?" _

_Beth shifted uncomfortably on the wooden stairs, and wracked her brain. "I'm pretty fast I guess. If I get the chance, I can probably outrun most people." _

_Daryl nodded. "Good, that's what I mean. I can teach anyone to get out of a chokehold. That's just mechanics. You have to find the ways you outmatch your opponent, and take advantage of them. What else?" Beth thought hard for a minute, and came up blank. She shrugged at Daryl who scowled at her, disappointed. _

"_Girl, you ain't thinkin'! There are a million ways you can use what you have against an attacker. You're young and pretty, you USE that. You know as well as me, there are assholes out here. You let them think you're gonna give them what they want, and then you strike. You're strong with your knife, you hide one on your body, wait until they think you've gotten rid of your weapons and they let their guard down, then you STRIKE. You, Beth Greene, are no damsel in distress, not anymore. You let them think that, if you want. They'll never suspect the skinny blonde girl. You fuckin' use their ignorance against them, you hear me?"_

/

Beth opened her eyes and then instantly regretted the decision. The room spun around her, even though she was lying down. She snapped her eyes shut, and tried to quell her nausea. She focused on her breathing, and relaxed her body. It was in that moment, she felt a heavy weight on her stomach. She peeked through one eye, and realized it was Rick's head on her stomach. She laughed quietly, trying to keep from shaking him too much. Rick's head was nestled into her hip, and his arms were wrapped around her waist, and he was snoring softly.

Beth remembered how quickly he had fallen asleep when they got back to the cabin. They had watched the sun rise, and had come back exhausted. They had wordlessly agreed that despite the fact that it was technically morning, they both would be getting some sleep. Beth smiled as she thought back on the night before. It was painful, in ways she hadn't thought possible, but it was also extremely cathartic. She wouldn't be moving on from her loss anytime soon, but it was a nice first step in that process.

Even nicer was the fact that she had someone to share that process with. She smiled down at Rick, and tentatively ran her fingers through Rick's dark curls. It wasn't that Rick was patient with her grief, most people would be. Everyone had lost somebody at this point. But Rick understood it because he was carrying the same pain. Daryl was Rick's best friend, though it was a different relationship than she had shared with him. Hershel had very much been a kind of father to Rick, and Judith… Beth had never said it, or even admitted it to herself, but she very much felt a maternal bond towards Judith. She didn't want to undermine Lori, or declare herself something she wasn't, but she still loved Judith like she was her own. So of course her actual parent would know something about how she felt.

Beth continued to play with Rick's hair, wrapping the curls around her fingers. She slowly began humming to herself, an old gospel song her mom had sung to her when she was a baby, _Abide with me_. Beth didn't know if she believed in God anymore, but the sentiment was still something she liked.

_Abide with me Fast falls the eventide  
__The darkness deepens, Lord with me abide  
__When other helpers fail and comforts flee  
__Help of the Helpless, oh  
__Abide with me._

_I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;  
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.  
Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?  
I triumph still, if Thou  
__Abide with me._

Beth reluctantly admitted to herself as she sung that it was less a plea to God and more of a plea to the man with his arms wrapped around her waist. Thanks to Daryl, Beth was probably physically strong enough to get by on her own. Thanks to her Dad, she probably had the emotional steeliness to make it through without dissolving. And thanks to Judith, she knew that beautiful things could still happen in this world, which would give her the hope to not give up. But she didn't have to do it on her own. As she hummed, it was her little prayer to Rick thanking him for that.

/

Rick woke up feeling better than he expected. He had stretched out in the bed next to Beth who was cleaning her gun, and she smiled at him when she noticed he was awake. He hadn't really had enough to drink to be hung over, but he had also worried about being up all night, after being up the whole day before. Rick felt old sometimes, although he was only 36… 37? Rick paused for a moment to consider how old he was. He knew his birthday was in October, but he didn't know what month it was. But it was clearly fall, so he could be 37. Not that things like Birthdays mattered anymore.

"Whatcha thinkin' over there?" Beth asked him, as she finished reassembling her gun. She shoved in the magazine, racked the slide, and looked through the sights. Rick swallowed, refusing to admit how attractive that action was.

"I was thinkin' it might be my birthday." He coughed, staring intently at the wall behind Beth's head.

Beth got up and put her gun back in its holster. "How do you figure?"

Rick shrugged, and raked his hand through his hair. "It probably isn't, I just know my birthday's in the fall. I was feelin' too old to stay up all night drinkin' with a teenager." He smiled at her, and she rolled her eyes.

"You ain't old Rick. But I think we all feel old." Beth bent down and began digging in their bag of supplies. "But here, happy birthday." She smiled, as she tossed him a can of ravioli.

He laughed, and began opening the can. Beth flopped onto the bed next to him and chewed on her pinkie nail. "How old are you anyway?" she asked not looking him in the eyes.

"36 or 37 I guess." He answered her, carefully gauging her reaction. When she only nodded thoughtfully in response he added, "I know the beard makes me look older."

At that statement her eyes shot up at him. "No it doesn't!" Beth's eyes grew large in shock of her own outburst. Rick stifled a laugh as she carefully reconstructed her facial expression into one of nonchalance. "I mean, I think your beard is quite nice." She finished with a decisive nod, and resumed chewing on her nail, and avoiding eye contact.

Rick laughed and stroked his beard. At some point he was going to have to address the fact that it pleased him that Beth liked his beard. But he didn't want to let his thoughts go that far yet. He just smiled at her, "I'm glad you like it." She turned red and nodded again, but still refused to look him in the eye.

Rick opened the ravioli, and reached down to grab one. He popped one of the square pastas in his mouth, before tossing another sauce soaked one at Beth. It hit her square on the neck, and she turned to look at him, her mouth open in outrage. He laughed at her expression, but was forced into solemnness again when she just picked it up off of her and popped it in her mouth. She scooped the remaining sauce off of her collarbone with her finger, and slid it into her mouth.

"You're gonna pay for that." She said, her mouth full, "when you least expect it." Rick swallowed hard, watching her lick her fingers.

He cleared his throat, and tried to clear his mind, turning serious for a moment. Rick picked another raviolo out of the can, and then passed it to Beth. "Listen, we need to decide how we want to do this. I left a note for Michonne and Carl, but I don't want to wait here forever for them. I couldn't stand sitting here doin' nothing for too long."

Beth's face scrunched with intensity and she pondered Rick's words. Finally, she answered him, "3 days."

"Three?" Rick asked, reaching for the can of pasta from her. "Why Three?"

Beth shrugged with one shoulder, in that way that only Beth could do. "My daddy always said that if Jesus could rise from the dead in three days, then anything can happen in three days. I say that we wait for three days, and if they don't show up, we go look for them."

Rick considered this. Any longer and he would go crazy. He was desperate to find his son. Carl was everything to him, and he needed to find him. Any less, however, and they could miss them coming here to find them. Three days would be enough time for them to go to the store, so the instructions, and come here. If they didn't, it would be logical to assume they weren't coming at all. Three days seemed like a good idea, so he tilted his head in agreement.

"Three days."

**All right, so its getting pretty obvious these two are digging each other. Now we just wait and see who's the first to crack and do something about it... Thank you guys for reading and reviewing!**

**As a side note... Eventually in the future (Spoiler alert, I guess...) these two are going to be persuing activities of an extremely personal nature (they're gonna do it.) Do you guys want me to be vague and keep the rating at T? Or would you rather I go ahead and up the rating to M? I'd probably be more comfortable writing some scenes at the M level, but I hate to lose people over it. Let me know!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello! Welcome back from hiatus, I guess. I got a promotion at work that kept me busy, and then a vacation! Ahhh... Happy Holidays to all of you, and thanks for sticking with me!**

**Turns out you're all overwhelmingly perverts, though. Rating M it will be, starting next chapter. Enjoy!**

Rick was angry. He knew Beth hadn't meant anything by it, but as he pushed out of the cabin into the cool air, he didn't care.

"_What are you doing?" She had looked up at him with those big eyes, surprised at the harshness of his tone. She looked so confused as her eyes squinted around the room at what she had done._

"_I was just tryin' to make it nice." She had said carefully. The room did look nice. She had cleaned, somehow. And she had picked some small white flowers that were now sitting on the small stove. It had made Rick furious._

"_This isn't a vacation." He had leaned in towards her, as he felt his blood boil, and his fists tightened. "We aren't playing house. We are here because we have to be. I'm with you because I have to be. We are going to find Michonne. We are going to find my son."_

_She had nodded, her eyes wide and frightened. "I-I know." She had squeaked out. Then Rick turned and left._

Now Rick was stalking through the woods, checking his traps. He lunged at a nearby walker, almost recklessly, taking out his frustration on the walker's skull. He slammed his knife into its brain, and then repeated the motion more times than was necessary. He thought about dragging her out here. Reminding her that walkers were still a threat. But that wasn't Rick Grimes.

He had been too hard on her, he knew. But he needed his son. Rick wasn't stupid, he knew he wasn't mad at Beth, he was mad at himself. He was angry beacause his son was gone, not safe, and he was here playing house with Beth. And he_ liked _it. He liked falling asleep next to her. He liked that she worried about him. Rick shook his head and sighed. She worried about him. That was a completely new sensation. Rick had always been the one to worry about Lori, Shane, and Carl. Then it had been his job to worry about the group. Honestly, it had never occurred to him that someone should be worrying about him, but now that someone was, he wondered how he had ever lived without it.

Rick exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding when he finally found a trap that had caught something. He moved the box slightly to see a rabbit trapped underneath it. Despite himself, he winced. The rabbit was alive, and he hated killing them. But they had to eat, he knew that. Rick's mind flashed back to the moment where he had to sacrifice all the pigs he had been raising at the prison. It had hurt him more than he could admit. He remembered going into his cell that night, and thinking that he couldn't even really be too upset, because that moment wasn't even the worst thing that had happened in the past year. Hell, it probably wasn't even in the top ten.

But Rick was grateful that Beth wasn't with him for this next part. He caught the rabbit in his hands, and closed his eyes. It struggled in his grip, and Rick knew from experience not to look into its eyes. He took a deep breath, and twisted his hands outwards in one smooth hard motion, breaking the rabbit's spine. He sighed heavily, panting as he warded off his emotions over this rabbit. It made him so angry that this was their life now. That he still had to kill the innocent just to survive. That's what he had loved about being a farmer, and not the leader of the prison. He brought life and sustenance instead of tearing it away. He missed it, and he shuddered knowing full well he would never have it again.

"I'm sorry." He whispered over the rabbit, before standing. He heard a crunch behind him, and he wheeled around. His eyes darted around, the rabbit dangling in his hands, as he searched for the source of the noise, be it walker, human, or animal. After several moments, he saw a bird flit from tree to tree, and decided it must have knocked over a stick.

Rick sighed, and began the trek back towards the cabin. He marveled about how quickly autumn had descended. It seemed like yesterday they were all complaining about the Georgia heat. But now the wind was whipping around him, and the sunshine was obscured behind a canopy of trees. Rick approached the cabin, with every intention of going in and apologizing to Beth. He even pictured it in his head. _Beth 'm sorry for bein' a tool, here's a dead rabbit._ But as he approached the cabin, his feet stopped him. Rick was proud, and he knew it. He didn't want to go face her. Not because she wouldn't forgive him, the exact opposite. He knew she would hug him and forgive him, and that would make him feel like an even bigger jerk, because he knew he didn't deserve to be forgiven.

Instead Rick sat down, his back against the side of the cabin. He pulled out his knife and began skinning the rabbit he had caught. His mind flitted back to him yelling at Beth; only, he hadn't yelled, he had whispered. It made him angry to think about how much he could have scared her. Beth was an adult, so she was probably fine, but Rick was still supposed to protect her. And now what, she'd be afraid of him too?

"Shit." Rick hadn't been paying attention, and he nicked the rabbit's artery. The blood spilled out over him, coating his arms and legs, soaking through his clothes. He groaned, and dropped the rabbit onto the ground. He grumbled to himself, as he walked down towards the river to clean himself off.

Rick scoffed, 'river.' It was more of a creek. It was tiny, and he couldn't even submerge himself in it. It came up to about his knees, but he figured it would have to do. He counted himself lucky that the water was even somewhat clear, instead of incredibly muddy. It wouldn't really clean him per se, but it would get the blood off of him, and that was damn well good enough.

Rick began stripping the clothes off of him, and he instantly regretted it. The cold air hit him briskly, and he began to really rethink this whole 'bathing' thing. But his mind, quite against his control, thought again of Beth. She probably didn't want to be cooped up with someone who smelled like blood and dirt. He peeled his pants off and was dismayed to see even his underwear had gotten blood on it. Cursing to himself, he peeled those off as well.

He waded carefully into the creek, and splashed the water over his body, and threw his clothes in as well. He was relieved to find the water fairly warm. The sun was beating through the trees and illuminated and warmed his body. He relaxed as he dunked his head under the water and ran his fingers through his hair. He laughed to himself. This felt amazing, much better than he had anticipated. As he washed his body, he inspected the bruises and cuts that the Governor had left. Most of them had healed nicely, to his surprise. Then he remembered Beth saying that she had boiled water to clean out his nasty gashes while he had slept.

Beth. He considered again, going to get her. He owed her at least a warm bath. Rick knew the sun wouldn't last too long, which meant cold water. But it didn't take much for him to remember that he was completely naked, and for her to bathe, she would have to be as well. If Rick wasn't warm already, the heat that shot up to his cheeks making him blush would have been enough. More concerning was the blood rushing other places as well.

Rick took that as his sign that his bath needed to be over. He hurriedly scrubbed at the remaining blood spots on his body, and stepped back onto the cool ground. He laid his clothes on a Rock, hoping they would dry quickly. He didn't need them completely dry, just the pants, really. He could lay his shirt over the stove without embarrassing Beth too much.

Rick felt completely refreshed, despite the fact that he was exposed completely to the elements. He'd prefer not to kill a walker completely naked, but he figured there was a first time for everything. Though he probably would have to bathe again. Rick sat on the rock carefully, given that he was completely nude. He sat gingerly, the coolness of the rock making him squeak a little. He wrung out his boxer-briefs, and flapped them in the air, hoping they would dry sooner, rather than later.

**Sorry this chapter is a little shorter, and there's no break. Chapter 10 will be a companion chapter to this one, from Beth's POV. With any luck, I can get that one up by the end of the week. Its kind of a different format, and I will go back to the other way, but this is just how it fell out of me. Thanks again!**


	10. Chapter 10

**When I said the end of the week, clearly I meant THIS week. Come on guys. **

**Wanted to give a special thanks to Kaylah, Emma, and Shelley who always seem to review and set my heart a flutter. I thank you!**

**Reminder that this story is now rated 'M' and so you should expect things along those lines now, though certainly not every chapter. **

**Enjoy!**

Beth would have liked to be angry, but to be honest, she was distracted from it by sheer confusion. Rick had lost his temper and yelled at her, which she didn't quite think she deserved. Thinking back on it, she did feel foolish. _Oh look at me I'm going to put flowers on the stove like a fairy princess._ Ugh. She gets why he was mad. This wasn't a vacation, after all, and even she, as eager as she was to find her family, had gotten a little swept up in the idea of she and Rick 'playing house,' as he had not so gently put it. Plus, to be fair, Rick was still healing, and he was a lot of stress, and-

_Stop._ Beth told herself. She stopped pacing the cabin, and exhaled gently, holding her hands out in front of her. Maggie had always given her a hard time about making excuses for everybody. She had thought it was a good thing, personally, that she was able to see the good in everyone. But Maggie had said while that was nice, it also meant she would get walked over quite a bit. This had turned out to be true, as her fist unsuccessful dating venture with Jimmy proved. She made a lot of excuses for him, and they had come back to bite her.

_But Rick isn't Jimmy. _Well that much was obvious, she argued with herself. Rick was different, he was special. He emanated goodness, strength, and love. _But,_ she reminded herself gently, _that doesn't mean he gets to be an asshole._ He had said some pretty hurtful things to her after all. That he was "stuck" with her. Wasn't that what he said?

Beth felt the frustration boil up in her belly at that memory. Beth had spent the majority of her time at the prison feeling like a burden to everyone but Daryl and Judith. Everyone worked around her, which was fine; she did her duty and didn't really care how they viewed her. But now… well it hurt that Rick thought of her that way. It wasn't what she wanted. Who was he to talk to her like that anyway? Wasn't SHE the one who had saved his life?

Oh. There was that anger she was looking for.

Beth found herself out in the brisk air, all but slamming the cabin door behind her. She was going to find Rick, and give him a piece of her mind. She didn't deserve to be talked to that way. She crossed her arms over herself, in an admittedly juvenile gesture, and stalked through the woods, tracking Rick. She was thankful Daryl had taught her to see the indentations in dirt and leaves, how the way a stick was disturbed could mean so much. She caught up to him in no time, and as she approached him, the numerous snarky things she could say were welling up in her.

_Maybe I am stuck with YOU._

_Just because YOU don't know what a clean area looks like, doesn't mean I can't enjoy one._

_Excuse ME for giving a shit about something other than myself._

She was practically grinning about the prospect of putting him in his place, when she noticed he was bent over something, and looked rather distraught. She ducked quietly behind a tree and watched him. He was holding a rabbit in his hands, and distractedly rubbing his beard, as if he was trying to stave off tears.

"I'm sorry." She heard Rick whisper.

_Crap._ Beth thought to herself. It wasn't like she could yell at him now. Her instincts were right about Rick after all. And now she felt stupid for doubting his gentleness. But he did still yell at her. Sighing, Beth admitted that it probably had less to do with her, and more to do with him. She was the only person to shout at, as it turned out.

Rick started to stand up to leave, and Beth began to panic. She did NOT want him to find her here, waiting to yell at him, like a 4 year old. She quickly began to scale the tree behind which she was hiding. After a few seconds, which passed all too slowly, she had finally reached a branch with some leaf cover. No sooner had she quietly whispered a prayer of thanks that she was quiet and light on her feet, did the branch crack beneath her.

_Shit shit shit. _Beth's clenched her eyes shut. She was sure she was going to open them, only to see Rick staring at her with that bemused grin of his that made her crazy. She dared to peak out of one eye, and sure enough he was standing right below her tree. But his eyes were not looking up, but out, searching the ground below her. His eyes were hard and his hand was on his holster as he searched for the source of the noise. Beth held her breath- _I'm going to get myself shot._

But, in the true Disney Princess fashion that she had worked so diligently to avoid, she was saved by a bird that chose that moment to fly from one tree to another noisily, satiating Rick. As he stalked off into the forest, Beth took a moment to catch her breath. She turned awkwardly in the tree, and rested her back against the rough bark. She sighed, and rubbed the heels of her hands into her eyes. In her efforts to act like a grown up in front of Rick, she ended up doing the opposite. "Playing house" as he put it. Hiding in a tree? She hadn't done that since she was 12 years old, and she had accidentally broken Shawn's guitar. She knew he and her Dad would be after her, and she had shimmied up in that tree higher than they could ever reach.

Beth giggled at that memory. She had refused to come down until Shawn and her dad had promised they weren't going to kill her or spank her, respectively. But what did this mean now? She wasn't afraid of Rick, not even a little bit. She knew he'd protect her with his life if need be, though she often prayed it would never come to that. She was hiding from him because she wanted him to think the absolute best of her. She wanted to be something special in his eyes.

Beth shuddered. She pretended it was just the fall air.

/

Beth had finally admitted she had to go back to the cabin, when it occurred to her that she may have scared the hell out of Rick. If he had gone back, it meant that he would, of course, notice her absence, sending him into a fit. She clamored out of the tree, falling not so gracefully onto the hard earth beneath her feet. She stretched awkwardly, but quickly was at a full run. However, upon her entrance into the cabin, she found it empty.

Beth cursed silently to herself. Rick had to be out there searching for her. What a nightmare. Now she would have to track him, and explain awkwardly why she had left the cabin, and that she was, in fact, not a 4 year old, and not even that upset at him. Oh, he was going to be mad. But he could not be as angry as she was that she had scared him.

Grumbling to herself, she walked outside, and noticed for the first time, the somewhat decimated rabbit that lay there. She followed the blood drops and Rick's rambling steps down to the creek. She prepared herself mentally for the argument they might have, and what defenses she could possibly concoct for her absence at the cabin. She did not, and could not, however, prepare herself for what awaited her.

Many thoughts hit Beth all at once. _Rick was in the creek. He was bathing. He was naked._ Beth's breath hitched as she took in the sight. He was standing in this ray of sun, in the middle of the creek. The light reflected off of the water that danced across his skin. He was holding his arms out, taking in the sun, and he was smiling. Oh, he was smiling.

Beth couldn't breathe. She wasn't breathing. Was breathing important? She couldn't remember. To her surprise, her feet responded to her immediate command, and she was running back to the cabin, her head spinning. She slammed the door shut behind her, and was aware of her breathing once again. It was too fast. It was too heavy. She closed her eyes. There he was again. He was beautiful; he was _so_ beautiful.

She couldn't wait any longer.

Beth pushed her jeans down and lay down on the bed. She was not surprised to find herself wet, as she dipped her fingers across her own clit. As she began to make quick circles against herself, she let her eyes close and see the beautiful man bathing in front of her. Her hands moved almost independently of her, at a reckless pace. There was no time to do this slowly and tenderly; she didn't know when he would be back.

These thoughts kept pushing through her mind. His lips on hers. His hand on her breasts. The feel of his beard on her sex. They all played in her mind like a clip show, set to the sound of her racing heartbeat. Beth's hands grasped the sheets beneath her and she shook with her release, his name and any number of other things falling from her lips.

Her breathing was wild, and the sweat dotted her brow. As she quickly came back to earth, and yanked on her jeans, she sighed.

There would be no pretending now.

**Yeah, so that happened. **

**If anyone is worried that it would be ooc for Beth, do remember that she is a teenager. That's all I'll say unless there are other questions or objections. **

**Thank you all again so much for reading! I appreciate every review and follow I get, and absolutely cherish them.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks again for all the reviews. This is short, but should give you a pretty clear idea of where we're going...**

Joe smirked as he walked through the ruins of the grocery store. His team had to put down at least 20 of those rotters, and there wasn't much to really glean from the store, but there were benefits. If he were being honest, he enjoyed watching his men fight over the last can of chicken soup that had a foot print in it. If nothing else, this would be a good place to camp for the night, before moving on. Joe's team survived mostly as scavengers, picking at small groups or individuals, ripping them of their supplies before moving on. Joe's thoughts were interrupted by the raucous laughter emanating from across the room, as his compatriots kicked and pointed at something on the floor.

"What's so funny, boys?" he smiled, as he sauntered over across the room to join them. Their circle parted to reveal what used to be some poor sap's body, chewed and mostly dissolved by rotters. His ribs were completely visible, with scraps of clothing strewn about around what at one time was a 'him.'

"Poor Bastard got chewed up."

"Least they didn't eat his shoes. Claimed!"

"Nuh-uh, no way, there's not a chance they'd fit you anyway. The only thing bigger than your feet is your damn mouth."

"Yeah, at least I have something big!"

Joe laughed and left the boys to argue it out themselves. He may be the defacto leader of this said group of assholes, but he didn't get as much joy out of standing over a desecrated corpse as they did. He figured that to be him one of these days.

Joe walked aimlessly around the store as he heard the men arguing in the background. He kept his gun aimed, and was kicking around the dirt and debris that littered the store, when he noticed something. He dug the flashlight he had pulled off of a dead rotter lady out of his bag, and shined it against the wall. The letters were faded mud:

_We waited as long as we could.__  
__We had to go. The dead and the living surrounded us.__  
__We will try to come back here and find you.__  
__-M&amp;C_

There was a response below it.

_Have Beth, Daryl is gone.  
__We're in a Cabin about 8 miles north of here. Follow the Creek.  
__We'll check back if you don't come.  
__Please stay safe.  
-__R&amp;B_

Joe grinned to himself, as he lightly ghosted his fingertips across the letters. He had his next target.

**Dun Dun Duuuuuun. Let me know what you guys think.**


	12. Chapter 12

**As always, I don't own The Walking Dead, Beth, or Rick. Thank you guys for reading and reviewing!**

Beth was sleeping fitfully. It seemed like the walkers were in her dreams. She could hear them groaning and scratching. She couldn't see anything, but the sound of rain and thunder mixed with those other-worldly groans. She heard those noises constantly. Living in the prison, they were always gathered at the gates, to the point where every day people went to go clear them off of the fence. That sound… it perforated the fence, the grounds, and yes, even the walls. There were times, though Beth never admitted it, that she cried herself to sleep just to have something else to listen to. It was why she sang so much. Anything, anything at all, to cover up that noise.

Beth's eyes snapped open. The sounds weren't in her head, they were here. They were outside. There was a herd surrounding them. Beth sat up in bed at the realization, and her mouth instinctively opened to scream.

In the same moment, Rick's hands were on her. One hand gently but firmly covered her mouth in warning, the other snaked around her waist, his palm firmly pushed against her stomach, as he pulled her body into his own. Beth was shaking in fear, and as she turned to look at Rick, his face did nothing to allay those thoughts. His eyes were serious, anxious, and pleading. She understood, and nodded her agreement to his unspoken request. Rick slowly removed his hand from her mouth, and moved it down by her leg. In the darkness she could feel him palming for the cold metal of his gun beside her. His other hand stayed still on her stomach and her labored breathing was anything but calmed by its presence.

Beth clamped her eyes shut. She reached down and grabbed a handful of blankets in one hand, and found Rick's jeans, bunched around his knee, with the other. Her mind raced as she tried to access the situation. The walkers weren't scratching at the walls, they were moving. That itself was a miracle. It meant they didn't know they were in here, which Beth realized that was probably due to the rain… it was covering their smell. But the slightest noise was sure to draw them this way.

Beth groaned inwardly. This meant she couldn't get her knife, which was in her holster by the bed, or the crossbow. She couldn't risk the creaky bed or any number of things falling and alerting them to their presence. If the walkers realized they were here, they were done for. The cabin was tiny; it would not withstand a herd. Even if she and Rick were both armed, it wouldn't be long before they were overtaken. And worse, there was no way out. They literally had no choice but to wait, and hope the walkers passed them, unnoticed.

The lightening flashed through the cracks in the walls, and rain dripped through the roof. Beth gripped at Rick's jeans, and he pulled her closer. His beard pushed against her neck, and his breathing was labored in her ear. Beth bit her lip in frustration. They couldn't talk. They couldn't reassure each other. Their bodies were pushed together in the dark and Beth was doing her best not to cry.

Rick chanced a whisper in her ear, and his lips tickled her skin.

"Try to sleep."

She nodded, but knew the odds were slim. Still, she allowed her head to roll back, resting on Rick's shoulder. He adjusted his arms slowly, so that they were around her waist. The noises the walker's made pervaded her thoughts, forming a perverse lullaby, and soon she knew no more.

/

Rick was afraid, annoyed, exhausted, and uncomfortable. When he had come back to the cabin, barely after sundown, Beth had already been curled up in the bed asleep. He certainly wasn't going to wake up the poor girl just to apologize to her. He had eaten a handful of cereal in silence, contemplating his regret. With the sun down, he had gone ahead and crawled over Beth into the small bed, though he knew it was too early to sleep. He was lamenting the loss of his rabbit when it started. He heard a few growls, and some shuffling, but he hadn't paid attention. A few walkers were annoying, but nothing they couldn't handle, and they would probably move on with little to no fanfare. But as the rain started, their moans mixed with the thunder. Rick's eyes were open and alert as he waited for the herd to pass.

Beth had begun to twitch next to him, and he worried that in her sleep she might be too loud. If anything drew the herd's attention to them, they were eternally fucked. So when Rick saw her eyes pop open, and her mouth part to yell in realization, and his hands were on her like lightening. One hand gently over her mouth, the other grabbed her to calm her as much as possible.

He begged her, he begged her as much as he could with his eyes. Don't scream, don't talk, don't freak out. Rick knew Beth was smart, but sometimes, when people are afraid, they do stupid things. Once he saw her eyes soften, and she nodded in agreement to his unspoken words, his exhaled laboriously.

He reached down to Beth's side for his pistol, as she dug her sharp nails into his knees. His jeans did little to protect against her. Rick prepared his pistol as best as he could, primed to fire toward the door if the cabin were breeched. He knew it was useless. If the walkers were alerted to their presence, there was nothing they could do. Rick swallowed. He had limited ammo, but he knew, if he had to, that he would save the last bullet for Beth. Her hair tickled his mouth as she pushed against him, and he resisted the urge to drop the gun, and just hold her close. Images of a torn apart Beth, face distorted in pain and suffering, covered with blood was enough to renew his focus.

It was dark, and only the lightening and the moon illuminated through cracks in the cabin allowed for any light. He couldn't see much beyond what was right in front of him. He clung tightly to her with his free arm, like a life raft, afraid of movement. She unconsciously shifted beneath him, in fear and thought.

"Try to sleep." He whispered to her. There was no reason for her to be awake, not really, and if he could spare her the worry, he wanted to do so. She nodded, and he felt her body lean back against him. He adjusted, and again aimed his gun at their barricaded door, prepared for a long night.

\\\

By the time the light started to filter into their cabin, Rick no longer heard any shuffling, groaning, or scratching. In the past few hours, he had heard less, and less, and Rick finally admitted to himself that they had made it through the night. Rick found himself breathing normally, something he hadn't even realized he was struggling with. He closed his eyes finally, after a full night of careful watching, and they stung as tears of relief filled them slowly. A sob wrenched his throat, and he brought his hands to his eyes. His exhaustion, and god, his relief slowly took him.

Beneath him, Beth shifted, but he didn't move. He didn't want her to see him like this, although God knows she'd seen him cry already, he was embarrassed. But Beth didn't say anything. Instead he felt her contort, until she was in front of him face to face. She was whispering, _it's over, we're okay _over and over and she began tentatively peppering kisses on the hands that covered his eyes. His hands moved slowly backwards, revealing what he was sure was nothing but red eyes, stained with sleeplessness and tears. Rick met Beth's soft stare and she gently grabbed his hand, placing one soft kiss in his palm, never breaking their eyes' connection. Rick wasn't interested in lying to himself any longer. He needed this woman. Almost independent of himself, his hand moved to Beth's cheek, then down through her golden hair, to the back of her neck. All Rick could see were her small pink lips, as he drew her to him.

And that's when he noticed the smoke.

**A/N: Ugh, I'm sorry it took me this long to get something this short out. I don't know how I feel about this chapter, so I'd really appreciate feedback on it. It was much easier to see in my head, and kind of hard to write. Obviously, there was only really 1 line of dialogue. I hope that didn't make it too boring to read. I've never written a chapter like this, so any constructive criticism, I'd be happy to take. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me!**

**Also, I don't know if any of you are 'Team Delusional' but I'd encourage you to go check out some of the theories... there are some crazy ones, and some not so crazy ones, but its all very interesting to me. Whether Beth ever returns or not, she'll always have a special place in my heart, and I'm looking forward to writing about some of that spuck and hope in the upcoming chapters. :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi and welcome! Snow day allowed me to get this chapter out really quickly, so if by chance you missed the last update, go read that first please. :)**

**As always I don't own the walking dead... Enjoy!**

"Go, go, go." Rick whispered urgently, ushering Beth off the bed. The smoke was billowing into the cabin quickly, and Rick wondered how he had missed it to begin with. He surveyed the room through the thick cloud, and noticed the flames building in the corner.

"Shit." he murmured to himself as he literally pushed Beth towards the door. She was struggling against him, saying something, but Rick wasn't listening. He was busy moving the homemade barricade away from the door with one hand, and holding the struggling Beth away from the flames with the other. Once the path was clear, he shoved Beth out the door, and fell forward, landing in the fresh mud.

Rick had just caught his breath when he heard the familiar click of a gun, and the cold metal pushed into his temple.

"Well, well. So glad you could join us. You R or B?" Rick clenched his jaw and sat up slowly, hands raised. He looked immediately to Beth, who was screaming and trying to crawl towards the now burning cabin. Another man had grabbed her and was holding her back. Rick counted seven men surrounding the pair.

"R." he bit out, glaring up at the older man with the goatee. The man bent down in front of him and surveyed Rick's face.

"That's not how we introduce one another. I'm Joe," he said holding his hand towards his chest, "and you are…?" he moved his hand towards Rick, asking him to supply his name.

"Rick." He answered, with as much malice as he could summon into one word. Beth was still screaming, and Rick's eyes darted back to her with worry. Joe noticed and stood up, walking towards her, leaving Rick with a gun still pressed to his head, two men flanking him.

Beth was on her hands and knees, reaching out towards the cabin screaming, struggling against the man that was holding her back. As Joe approached, the man looked up at him.

"She's crazy, boss." He shrugged. Joe lifted his foot up to Beth's shoulder, and kicked her onto her back.

"Don't touch her." Rick spat out, and the gun pushed harder into his skull. Beth was just lying on the ground now, mumbling something in between sobs. Rick desperately wanted to go over to her, but knew that would not be an option.

Joe looked to him again, appearing somewhat surprised by his outburst. Joe smirked at Rick, and bent down next to Beth. He reached his hand down, and tenderly wiped away one of Beth's tears. Rick dug his hands into the mud in front of him, ready to strangle Joe if he hurt her. Beth jerked away from his touch, and her sobs stopped momentarily in an effort to deal with this new threat.

"Hello B. I'm Joe." He smiled at her, but it was only returned with a sneer, before Beth's sobs resumed. Joe sighed. "Just hold onto her Dan. I've got to deal with this first."

Joe stood up and surveyed the burning cabin. Rick could feel the heat coming off of it, and knew there was no getting inside it without severe risk. At the moment he was just grateful it stood in a clearing, and posed little threat of starting a forest fire. That was the last thing they needed.

"Len." Joe growled, and a tall, greasy looking man stepped forward. "What did I tell you to do?"

"Start a fire to smoke them out, Joe." Joe rolled his eyes, and began to stalk towards Len with intent.

"Why do we attack different groups, Len?" Joe snarled, right in Len's face now.

"To… To get their supplies, Joe. We're scavengers." Len struggled, and Joe nodded.

"And where are their supplies, Len?" Joe asked quietly. Realization settled over Len's features, and he began shaking his head fervently. "Tony, Billy, would you mind teaching him his mistake, please?" Joe finished, and two men moved forward, dragging Len into the woods as he screamed.

"So," Joe continued, turning to face Rick, "The question becomes what to do with you two. Normally I'd just go ahead and kill you, but I hate for the whole thing to be a total loss." Rick said nothing, but continued to glance over at Beth who was still sobbing as Dan stared uncomfortably at her. "Now, looking at you, you could be one of us. You look like the kind of man who takes what he wants, others be damned," Joe looked meaningfully over to Beth, his implication clear. Rick snarled, but had no means to silence him as he was beginning to really want. "But this little thing..." he gestured to Beth, "well. The little ones never last too long."

At that, Beth began sobbing louder than ever, and Rick looked to Joe, asking for unspoken permission. Joe nodded, and the two men flanking Rick stood back, but kept their guns trained on him. Rick crawled stutteringly through the mud to Beth, who he quickly scooped up. He began to wipe at her face, trying to get her tears away, but only succeeded in wiping mid over her delicate features. Beth grabbed at his shirt, and finally Rick began to understand the mumbles in between her sobs.

"Judith…Judith…" Rick blanched. Judith's carrier. Without meaning to, he dropped Beth from his arms, and made towards the burning shack itself. Before he could reach it, he was met with the barrel of Joe's gun again.

"I don't think so. Now, I don't really want to carry you until we find someplace to stop for the night and we decide what to do with you. What are the chances you'll cooperate until then?"

Rick growled, baring his teeth.

"Yeah, that's what I figured." With that, Joe raised his gun and brought it down hard on Rick's skull, sending him to the ground, Beth's scream echoing in his ears.

/

Beth woke up in a bed which should have felt amazing. The mattress was thick, and plush, and there were several pillows, all ranging in size, and even a teddy bear lying next to her. Her first thought was wondering if she'd ever sleep soundly again without Rick next to her. This thought was immediately chased by the realization that Rick was indeed, NOT beside her.

Beth sat up quickly in the bed, which caused her head to spin. She hadn't eaten in at least a day, and she had been crying so hard that her head was pounding. The memories of what had happened had settled upon her, and she quickly caught her breath.

Beth moved quietly out of the bed, and thanked god she was fully clothed. She tiptoed towards the door, and tried the knob slowly, only to find it locked. She pressed her ear to the cold wood, but heard nothing. She traversed the small bedroom as quietly as she could to look out the window. It was the early morning, evidenced by the sun barely peeking over the trees, and the delicate frost that claimed the window.

She was on the second floor of a house, in a neighborhood. There was a porch below her, but to the side, so she doubted she could make that jump. She started to try the window, but knew that if she tried to jump, she would likely only succeed in breaking her leg. And anyway, she had to find Rick first. She would not be leaving him here.

Beth surveyed the room quickly, looking for something that could be used as a weapon, as they had relieved her of her gun and her knife. The closet had been cleared of hangers, and there was an indentation in the carpet where a dresser or a chest used to be. They had cleared the room soundly. She was contemplating her options when there was a knock on the door. Beth frantically grabbed at the window blinds, grabbing the wand and breaking it over her knee at a point.

The man who had knocked walked in, peaking around the corner. "Oh good you're up." He said, and he allowed himself entrance, locking the door behind him.

"Where's Rick?" Beth asked, forcing her voice to sound strong. She pointed the makeshift weapon at him, and he only responded with a laugh.

"Please. You're not going to hurt me with that thing, and you know it." Beth nodded, and lowered it slowly. "I brought you some clothes we found in another bedroom. It's been getting colder. And also a can of peaches that we found." He smiled at her, but Beth stayed rooted to the ground.

"I'm Billy." The man said, turning to face her, as he sat on the bed. Beth inspected the man. He was in his late 40's, and had a long nose. He wore a blue knit cap on his head. He didn't look like he had any malicious intent, so Beth began nodding repetitively.

"B-Beth." She finally answered. "Please, where is my friend?"

"Beth, that's pretty, I like that." Billy said, completely ignoring her question. "You really should eat something; I want you to be able to keep up your strength."

Beth remained frozen in place. She didn't trust these people, she saw what they did to their own; she couldn't imagine what they did to outsiders. Thoughts of Rick being beaten or tortured or worse flitted through Beth's mind, and her eyes began to water against her control.

"hey, oh, don't do that." Billy said as he grabbed the peaches, and came across the bed to face her. He wiped the tears off of her cheek with his cold clammy fingers. "You just need to eat. You're hungry, here-" he popped open the top of the can of peaches. His mud covered fingers dipped into the can, and reemerged dripping in peach juice, with a slice of peach dangling between his fingers. "Open your mouth." He commanded. Beth swallowed, and complied, seeing no other choice. He slid the peach between her lips, and she chewed slowly. Billy was watching lips intently. He reached up and dragged his thumb across her lower lip, cleaning the peach juice off before putting it in his own mouth.

"_Mmmm_," he moaned. "I just love peaches, don't you?"

**I use my husband as my beta (essentially) and he threw the papers at me, and went "I DON"T LIKE BILLY! HE'S CREEPY!" haha. But of course that was the idea. Fair warning, things are going to get super graphic regarding Billy in the next chapter. Just a head's up. My husband also said he understood perfectly what Beth's weapon was, but just in case, its that twisty thing that opens and shuts your blinds... but I didn't want to exactly phrase it like that.**

**Thanks to Quest, Kaylah, Daydreamer and Guest for reviewing... You guys help me crank these out, more than you know!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Welcome back! Thank you all so much for hanging with me! As always, I don't own TWD.**

***WARNING* Wanted to throw out a trigger warning for this chapter. Its intense, as is befitting an M rated story. Just a heads up.**

**Enjoy!**

Rick shook his head, attempting to deal with the painful throbbing that tore through his skull. He blinked his eyes repeatedly, and tilted his head back with a groan.

"Welcome back to the land of the living!" A voice intoned, "Well… So to speak." He chuckled at his own joke.

Rick aimed his head forward and allowed his eyes to focus. Joe was smiling at him, flanked by two men. Rick attempted to stand, but realized quickly that he had been bound to a chair in what appeared to be a basement of sorts. As his head cleared, one thought pierced through the others.

"Where's Beth?" he demanded, his tone making it clear anything other than her safety would not be tolerated.

Joe smiled, and leaned against the door frame. "Beth's her name, huh? That's good, we were wondering, taking bets. I think Dan guessed Beth? Personally I guessed Becky, based on that B we found at the store."

Rick's eyes narrowed in response, and Joe sighed.

"You're really no fun. She's fine. Well, as fine as can be expected, I suppose. Billy claimed her, so he's upstairs with her now." Rick growled at him, ready to explode, but Joe continued. "Don't get upset, I'm sure he'll share, you'll have your turn if you decide to stick around."

"What, I've got a choice, now?" Rick responded coolly, attempting to let his mind get him out of this, since it was clear his body could not help him right now.

Joe laughed, which encouraged the two lackeys who were guarding the door behind him to laugh as well. "Of course you do! We found your bow, actually, after the fire died down" Joe shrugged, gesturing to the small pile of weapons that lay in the corner. Rick observed his gun and knife among several other things in the pile. Joe continued, "I've always wanted a bow man in our group. I've always said that, haven't I boys?" The two men behind him nodded fervently, and Rick resisted rolling his eyes. "I've always said, anyone can shoot a gun, especially now that we're in this world. But a bow man's a bow man through and through. Now, I didn't have you pegged for a bow man when I first saw you, but this here is a thing of beauty. Any man who can wield that is welcome in our little group. What do you say?" Joe finished, smiling at Rick.

"I think you talk a lot." Rick deadpanned, as Joe's smile faded. Rick attempted not to grin himself. Rick had never shot that bow in his life, and he doubted he could given the opportunity. But that meant they were underestimating Beth, and that was a grave mistake to make.

Joe sauntered towards Rick, his joviality all but gone. He crouched down in front of him, and looked up into Rick's darkened eyes. "Now, I've tried to be nice here, Rick. I don't know if it's escaped your notice, but you're tied to a chair with two guns trained on you. Your little piece of ass is upstairs being fucked incessantly, and that's all while we're being nice. It might behoove you to play along." Joe's voice was even and hard. Rick took up his playful tone from before.

"It has not escaped my notice, Joe." Rick said, the corners of his mouth twitching as he fought off a smirk. "But some things have escaped your notice as well."

With timing he couldn't have planned if he'd tried, a male scream tore through the house, and rang in all of their ears. Immediately the two arm men charged up the stairs towards the sound, and while Joe's attention was diverted, Rick stood, swinging the chair as hard as he could, the wood breaking over Joe's face.

The chair broken, Rick stood quickly taking Joe's gun. The men who had left returned at the noise, and he ran to escape their fire. A bullet clipped his arm, but he aimed and fired quickly, killing them both.

Rick gathered up the remaining weapons in the corner, including Beth's crossbow. The arrows were gone, and parts of the bow were singed from the fire, but it was still clearly functional.

Rick rushed up the stairs, eager to return it to its rightful owner.

/

Beth stood, admittedly afraid, as Billy fed her another peach. Billy didn't waste any time pressing his body against her, as she chewed solemnly. Beth felt every inch of him pressed into her leg. She blanched, and he took notice.

"Don't be afraid, Bethy." Billy said, leaning in close to her ear, before trailing small kisses on her neck, "I won't hurt you." Beth swallowed the peaches roughly, angered by the term of endearment her father had used.

Billy's hands were on her now, moving up her arms and back towards her neck. She was pressed flatly against the wall by the window, where she stood like a statue. His hands moved up into her hair, and removed her elastic hair tie, allowing her yellow hair to fall loosely around her shoulders. Beth chewed the inside of her cheek while Billy raked his fingers through the knots throughout her hair.

"You're so pretty…" he mumbled, as his eyes began to trace down from her hair to the rest of her body. "Why do you wear that vest?" he asked, as if he had become aware of it only at this moment. His fingers traced the hem of the leather. "Perhaps we should take it off."

Beth's eyes narrowed on Billy's. In response, he gently touched his belt with one hand, where both a knife and a gun were holstered, and the other one trailed up, between her breasts, to her neck where he squeezed loosely. He was making it clear she didn't really have a choice in the matter.

With her neck in his hand, he turned her away from the wall towards the bed. Billy moved his hand from her neck into her hair, and pulled it back lightly before claiming her mouth in a kiss. His tongue invaded her mouth, probing and searching, before retreating back with a bite on her bottom lip. As he pulled back Billy's eyes searched Beth's for whether or not she was going to fight him. Beth swallowed, and let her eyes fall to the floor, which Billy chose to interpret as submission.

Immediately he moaned, and his hands went to quick work undressing Beth. Daryl's vest went first, and Billy threw it across the room with little fanfare. He tore at her shirt, literally ripping it from her body, exposing a small pink bra, littered with small green flowers. Billy exhaled, and Beth closed her eyes as Billy reverently removed that as well and lowered her onto the small bed, before fondling each mound carefully.

Billy's hand roamed down to her jeans, where he quickly popped the small button open before yanking them past her hips. The small white underwear was soon behind, and Beth lay exposed before his eyes.

Billy's eyes softened as he took her in. "You look like a goddess." He shuddered, and Beth smiled up at him. She sat up on the bed, her face even with his crotch. The implication was clear, and Billy groaned excitedly, as he removed his shirt, and made quick work of his belt.

Billy stood with his pants around his ankles and watched as Beth observed his erect cock. Her eyes were wide and deep blue. He put his hands on her shoulders, and moved them up her neck, where he felt her heart racing. His hands continued into her hair, which he gripped lightly, encouraging her, begging her, to take him in.

Beth smiled up at him, before parting her small pink lips. Billy's cock was already leaking in anticipation, and the moment her lips closed around him, his head tilted back and his eyes rolled back in his head as he moaned loudly.

Beth moved back and forth one, two, three times before pausing at the base of his shaft, and biting down as hard as she could.

The blood spewed forth from Billy, and drenched Beth's face and chest. She could taste his blood in his mouth. Ignoring his screams, she reached down to his belt, removing his knife. Billy managed a loud "YOU BITCH" before Beth plunged the knife up through his chin, into his brain.

Beth quickly removed the knife and stood back. She could still taste the blood. She grabbed for Billy's gun and positioned herself behind the bed, away from the door as others footsteps clamored up the stairs towards her.

Beth's mind went blank. She knew she was naked and covered in blood. She kept firing the gun. She knew she hit one man, then another, and another. She was still pulling the trigger, but they weren't still coming, were they? She could hear the click, click, click of the gun. Her tears were blinding her vision, but her finger was still pulling relentlessly.

She saw another man through her tears, coming towards her. He was saying something, and she knew she wasn't hitting him; she was out of ammo long ago. He was wrapping something around her, and finally the tears fell from her eyes, her vison unobscured once more. Rick was in front of her, wrapping her tightly in Daryl's vest.

"We need to go, Beth. I've got you."

Rick lifted her up, and she closed her eyes, and knew no more.

**Whew. Deep breaths everyone. That was hard for me to write, and I did actually write a PG version of this chapter as well (she bites off his tongue instead.) I wanted to make the parallel to when Rick tore out Joe's throat. I opted for the darker version, because that's the world we're in now. To be super duper clear, Beth had this planned from the moment she realized what he was doing. She was playing along, 100% of the time. I don't think I need to clarify that, but just in case. **

**I've already got the first part of next chapter going, so hopefully I'll be updating soon. **

**Special thank you to Emma, Bethany, Quest, Kaylah, and my guests for reviewing. It means the world to me! It says I'm at 96 reviews, so the 100th review can give me a prompt for a one shot or something like that if they like. I'll PM whomever it is.**

**Thank you guys!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Welcome back! As always, I don't own TWD (boy if I did...)**

**Enjoy!**

_Beth had made her third lap around the prison courtyard, and was annoyed to see Daryl standing in the same positon he had been in since she began her run. He was leaning against the prison wall, smoking a cigarette, and regarding her judgmentally. She paused in front of him, resting her hands on her knees while she caught her breath._

"_You stoppin' for some reason?" he grumbled without bothering to look up at her._

_Beth stood up, placed her hands on her hips and stretched out her back. She wiped the heel of her hand across her forehead, in an attempt to remove the sweat that painted her forehead. "Yeah, I'd like to know why I'm the only one who's runnin'. Don't recall seein' you throw on jogging shorts any time lately." She grinned at him._

_Daryl finally gazed up at her, and sighed before throwing his cigarette on the ground and rubbing it into the ground with his boot. "It's about preparation Beth. I prepare in other ways." He said, casting his glance towards the ground. "There are some things I can't prepare you for. But making sure you can outrun anything that tries to nab you ain't one of them."_

"_Oh yeah? Like what?" Beth grinned, challenging Daryl. She was mostly buying time to catch her breath, a fact which she was sure Daryl was aware of, but if he was going to play along, it still meant a breather for her._

_But he didn't want to play along. Instead he looked up at her with a fire in his eyes. He closed the distance between them, making Beth stagger back on instinct. "Killing walkers ain't the same, Beth. The light's already left their eyes. You take a human life, you take that seriously, you got me?" Daryl's voice was low and ragged. He was breathing heavily, and all Beth could do was nod._

"_I can't prepare you for what comes after you take a life, Beth. And you will have to at some point, that's just how it is now. But I want to keep you from that as long as I can. And that starts," he paused, lightly pushing her away with a small grin, "with you runnin'."_

_Beth returned his grin, but groaned as a clap of thunder rippled among the clouds. "Daryl, its gonna rain!" she whined._

"_Best get movin', then. You got two laps to go."_

_/_

Rick sighed as he poured the water over Beth's body. She had passed out and he had carried her. He'd run until he couldn't anymore, and then walked to a small house. He'd barricaded the front door, and hoped that would be enough.

He was really cursing himself. He hadn't been thinking straight, at all. He hadn't checked the bodies. Some of them could have turned, or worse be alive and looking for them. He should have made sure to put them all down. He was pretty sure Joe was alive. He didn't know about the others.

_But Beth,_ His mind reminded him. When he had found her covered in blood, naked, he feared the worst. He had rapidly searched her body for wounds, but found none. The body behind her was mangled and bloody, and after Rick realized what happened in that room, he was convinced that the dead man hadn't gotten even half of what he deserved.

_She was naked_. Rick's blood boiled at the memory. Beth was unresponsive, even now as he tried to wash away the dried blood that caked her body. He didn't know how far the man had got, but he knew it was too damn far.

Rick dipped Beth's hair in the bucket. The water was dirty; he had gotten it out of a creek. But he couldn't let her sit here like this, covered in blood. He gently rubbed some soap he had found under the bathroom sink into her hair. Rick was trying not to think about it, but looking at her now was breaking his heart. Her eyes were open, but instead of the normal brilliant blue, they were dull and gray. She was slumped forward, naked, with the water tainted with her blood slowly running down her body.

_This wasn't supposed to happen. _Rick cursed himself. Just another person he had failed. He had lost Lori, he had lost Judith, and Carl and Michonne… and now Beth… Rick stopped dutifully washing her, and looked back into her eyes.

"Beth" he tried tentatively, begging her. "Beth." She blinked, but didn't move. Rick felt the tears starting to form in his eyes. "BETH!" he yelled at her, sobs taking him. He stood and yelled in anger, before kicking the toilet behind them.

Rick fell to his knees and dried his tears with his dirty hands. _No. _He wasn't going to let his guilt and anger get in the way of giving Beth whatever she needed. He dipped the rag back into the bucket of water, and began dutifully scrubbing and the dried blood around Beth's ashen lips.

He finished washing her in silence. He retrieved one of the towels from under the sink, and wrapped her up gently before carrying her to a bedroom. He dug through the drawers of an armoire in what had once been a master bedroom. The bed was a large maple frame, with small leaves detailing the woodwork. The dresser matched, and Rick wondered why he bothered to notice anymore. He found a black Georgia Tech sweatshirt, and matching sweatpants that were way too big to fit Beth, but at least they were something.

Rick sighed as he turned to dress Beth. He didn't know what to do. She was listening, if he said 'raise your arm' she would. But she wouldn't say anything to him, no matter how much he begged. She didn't seem to mind that she was completely naked, other than occasional shiver, and the telltale goose bumps that littered her body. Rick minded, and noticed of course, and it was making him angry. He'd carried Beth out of that house in nothing but Daryl's vest. Even now, as he gently instructed her to raise her arms as he pulled the sweatshirt over her head; he spent the majority of his strength not looking at her; he couldn't.

He finally had her dressed and in bed. He knew he should be on a sort of watch, checking the house, things like that, but he couldn't bring himself to leave her here like this. Instead he just pushed the dresser against the door, and ripped the sheet off of the bed, tying it to a blanket in case they needed to go out the window.

Rick took Beth's frail hand in his, and sighed as he looked into her eyes, and gently combed the stray hairs that were scattered around her face out of her eyes.

"Beth, I don't know what to do here. I need you to come back for me. I can't do this alone, Beth. I can't." he stopped. He didn't know what to do. What could he say to her?

"I wish it could have been Daryl here for you Beth, he would have known what to say to you." Rick moved his free hand, to rub the bridge of his nose.

"I didn't want to tell you this, Beth, but this one time we were at the prison, do you remember? It was right at the beginning. I had just lost Lori. The governor wanted to attack, and I… I was lost Beth. But you handed me Judith, and you were singin' that song. What was it?"

Beth blinked.

Rick coughed and adjusted on his knees next to the bed. He couldn't believe what he was about to do, but if there was a chance it could help Beth, he would do anything. He took a deep breath, and began to softly sing, in his halting rough voice.

_They hung a sign up in our town  
"if you live it up, you won't  
live it down"  
So, she left Monte Rio, son  
Just like a bullet leaves a gun_

Rick coughed, and looked for any kind of sign from Beth. But she just stared at the ceiling.

_With charcoal eyes and Monroe hips  
She went and took that California trip  
Well, the moon was gold, her  
Hair like wind  
She said don't look back just  
Come on Jim  
_

Rick stared at Beth as a tear rolled down her cheek. She made no move to wipe it away.

_Oh you got to  
Hold on, Hold on  
You got to hold on  
Take my hand, I'm standing right here  
You gotta hold on_

Her tears were coming stronger now, as Rick used both of his hands to squeeze hers tightly. He finished the song, and he sang another chorus, his voice stronger now, willing to do whatever it took if it meant bringing back Beth.

She still hadn't made a move when silence filled the room. Rick sighed in defeat as he began to let go of Beth's hand. As Rick made to get up, her hand squeezed his. Turning around quickly, he saw her looking at him.

"Don't stop." She whispered, her lips chapped already from disuse.

Rick laughed in happiness, and wiped tears from his face. He crawled onto the bed next to Beth, and kissed her head before pulling her into his arms.

"The song's over though, Beth." He said, still laughing in relief.

"Sing another" she whispered, her eyes still wet.

Rick panicked slightly; he didn't do a lot of singing. He wiped away the tears that stained Beth's cheeks before moving to dry his own.

_I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech, and a hell of an engineer—  
A helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva, hell of an engineer.  
Like all the jolly good fellows, I drink my whiskey clear.  
I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer._

_Oh! If I had a daughter, sir, I'd dress her in White and Gold,  
And put her on the campus to cheer the brave and bold.  
But if I had a son, sir, I'll tell you what he'd do—  
He would yell, 'To hell with Georgia!' like his daddy used to do._

He felt Beth chuckle against his chest.

**I know that was a little saccharine, but I wanted something a little sweet after last chapter. Beth's not magically better because Rick sang to her (although...) so we'll still deal with her first kill a little more.**

**I'm officially over 100 reviews! Thank you so much, that's a big deal to me. Thanks to Kaylah, Quest, moriahhh, Emma, Bethany, and my two guests... One of which was my 100th review! She started her review with "omg poor Beth!" I agree, haha. Poor Beth... Don't worry, they'll get some happiness yet. :) Since I can't PM you, send me a message and let me know if you want a one shot! If I don't hear from you, I'll message my 101 review. **

**Thank you all again!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry it took so long to get this out. I don't love what they've done with Rick and Beth is S5, so the inspiration lacks a little bit. But I love them, so I will write them, gosh darn it! haha.**

**Thank you again to all my lovely reviewers, and as always, do not own TWD.**

Rick opened his eyes, but not by choice. He hadn't meant to fall asleep in the first place. Watching Beth sleep on his chest turned out to be extremely tiring. He had every intent of staying awake throughout the night, just in case. Beth clearly needed the rest, and he would make do. Sometime around midnight though, when it was quiet and dark, and Beth was snoring softly, his eyelids became heavy and he caved to the temptation.

Now as the light in the room blinded Rick awake, however, he was alone in the cold bed with nothing but a pillow to hold. Beth was stomping around, slamming dresser drawers, and mumbling to herself.

"Beth?" he asked, as she threw a boot against the wall.

Beth whipped around and glared at Rick, setting her jaw. "None of this bitch's fucking shoes fit!" she yelled, causing Rick to blanch. He sat up and gingerly crawled across the bed. He'd heard Beth curse before, but not like this. He tenderly pressed his hand on her shoulder.

""S no rush, Beth. We can go hit a store later today if you want." Rick whispered to Beth. He had hoped she would yield under his touch, but unfortunately she went another direction. She pushed his hand off, and stood up furiously.

"No rush, Rick? We need to go find Carl. And Maggie! We've been on our own like a week, and already we've…" She paused, chewing the inside of her cheek. Rick winced watching her, knowing she wasn't ready to vocally recall what she'd had to do. She physically shook off the ending of the sentence. "I want to find them before they have to deal with what we have. Or worse."

Rick nodded, and stood. He completely agreed with Beth. It bothered him that Carl was out there. He and Beth had faired relatively well. They were both well fed, and well rested, and had come out of the latest scuffle physically unscathed. Beth needed to heal, he knew that. He wasn't sure she could do that on the road.

"We're going now." Beth interrupted Rick's thoughts. He turned to look at her. Beth's face was a mask of stubbornness, and he knew there wouldn't be any argument. She was still wearing the sweats he had put her in last night, but she had pulled Daryl's vest on over it. She had on a pair of clean, white tennis shoes that were clearly too large for her. She quickly turned away from his judging glance, and picked up Daryl's crossbow, slinging it onto her back. "Let's go." She said, chin in the air.

Rick tried not to laugh. Beth standing there in oversized clothes, with Daryl's vest and crossbow, and that stubborn visage… she really did look like a much smaller Daryl. Maybe he had rubbed off on Beth more than Rick realized. But just as with Daryl, Rick knew it would be foolish to laugh or to argue. So he nodded again and began to get dressed.

She stood by the door and watched him impatiently. She sighed when he went to dig in the closet for a coat. She sighed when he sat back down to tie his boots. She sighed when he checked out his beard in a mirror.

That last one he might have done just to see if she'd sigh again.

/

Rick was watching Beth slash through tree limbs with a veracity that unsettled him. He wasn't an idiot; there was no wondering what was wrong with her. He knew all the things that we're going through her head, the self-blame, the guilt, and of course, the anger. He'd been here before when Lori died. Now Beth was consumed with the overwhelming pain like he had been.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

Nothing anyone had said to Rick had effected how he had felt. He just needed time. Luckily Beth had been there to care for his newborn while he lost his mind. In the same way, Rick was trying to give Beth her space. She had to go through this herself, as much as it pained him.

It really, really pained him.

Before they ran into those assholes, Rick knew what was going on in his head. Beth was… special to him. If he hadn't known it before, the fear the burrowed in his stomach for her in that house was a dead giveaway. But if he knew anything about women –which was debatable- he knew that now was certainly not the time to go declaring feelings about anything. Beth would probably hit him, and he would definitely deserve it. Only a true asshole would hit on a woman who had just been sexually assaulted.

Rick crunched through the leaves. The piece of shit that attacked Beth was lucky she got to him first. He would have killed him in the most painful way possible, and then let him turn. He would have killed him for looking at Beth cross-eyed; but seeing the anger seething from Beth as she stomped and growled through the woods was enough to make him rabid.

Beth would recover from the assault that much he knew. He knew how strong she was. Not physically of course, though she surprised him every day with that. Rick doubted even Beth knew how much perseverance she had. But Rick had watched her lose her mother –twice- her brother, her friends, her dad, and her sister… and still she strode on. Not only that, but she did it with a smile on her face.

And, of course, she had been through it before, with Jimmy. Rick didn't know if this made it better or worse. Rick wished, not for the first time, that Daryl were here. He trusted Daryl as his brother, but seeing him with Beth… he knew her. Rick was almost jealous. He wanted to know Beth so deeply that he could anticipate her pain. And, hopefully, keep her from it. She didn't deserve any of this.

Rick couldn't help but wonder if Beth was just too good for this world. Maybe light, beauty, and music couldn't fit in a world riddled with terror. This, at the end of the day, meant either losing Beth, or Beth losing herself.

Rick wasn't sure which terrified him more.

/

Rick had been lost in his thoughts for ages, when he noticed something. One of the traps he had built.

"Beth, where are we going?" Rick asked with a hint of panic in his voice. He knew where they were going and so did she. Shit, this was a terrible idea. If anyone In Joe's group had survived, this would be the first place they'd stop if they were looking for revenge. There wasn't going to be anything there, and they were risking their lives.

"Beth, answer me." He tried again, reaching out towards her arm. At the contact, Beth took off into a run, and left him behind.

_Shit._

Rick took off following her through the trees, but he knew what a useless endeavor it would be. She was so fast, she looked like a gazelle weaving between trees, that blonde ponytail flipping in the wind. She was also in much better shape than he was, he quickly realized, as his lungs began to burn like fire. Rick couldn't call out to her, couldn't call more attention to them than they already were. All he could do is stay as close to her as possible.

Beth finally skid to a stop in the clearing by the cabin. Or what had been the cabin. It wasn't completely ash, but it was far too close. The structure stood, but was blackened beyond recognition. Rick felt his throat constrict as Beth once again began running towards the structure.

Rick took off after her again. The building could collapse on her at any time, it was far from stable. He finally caught up to her when she hesitated at the door. He grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her backwards away from the entrance. She screamed, the first sound she had made the entire trip, and clawed at his arms while she thrashed and kicked wildly.

It was breaking Rick. He held tightly, horrified that he couldn't do anything to help her besides keep her safe from the danger of the cabin. He knew that he should shush her cries, but the lump in his throat was preventing it. He let her get it out. He buried his face in her hair as he fought back his own tears. Watching her in pain like this was killing him.

She finally slacked against him enough that he loosened his grip around her. "You can't go in there, Beth. It isn't safe. We shouldn't even be here."

"You promised me!" she screamed, her nails digging into his arms again. "You promised we wouldn't leave it!" Her back arched away from him as she spit her accusations forward. Rick had no response, and held her tighter once again.

"I know." He whispered. Memories of the blood soaked carrier filled his mind, and he was thankful. Better that than the blue eyed girl who inhabited it.

Beth began sobbing as the tension she put against him slackened. He thought she was finally releasing the pent up rage and sadness that had been overwhelming her. But when he relaxed his arms, she pushed away from him.

"You don't know shit." Was all she said as she stalked back into the woods, leaving Rick to despair in her wake.

**I wanted to let you guys know that thanks to faithful reviewer Emma Kellog I've published a Brick one shot. It kind of took on a fluffy life of its own, and is much longer than I intended. Its a fluffy "Rick meets the parents"AU no zombie BRICK fic. I hope that wets your whistle, and I'm curious to know what you guys think. It's linked on my profile. 3**

**Thank you all again, truly. Its a delight to write for such kind people.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you guys for the positive feedback last chapter. It was such an amazing lift. **

**Trigger warning this chapter... Kind of a general one. But I want to give a heads up. **

**As always, I don't own TWD. Please enjoy. **

It had been dark when they reached the grocery store that evening. Rick had begged Beth not to go in, he knew it wasn't safe, but more importantly, knew what she would find. She of course ignored him with a scowl on her face and had pushed him away when he had reluctantly tried to help her boost her up to the window, instead opting to struggle up herself, scratching her arms and legs against the brick. Her face had been stone in the dark, not reacting to the smell of composing flesh. Rick watched her carefully as she walked over to where what had once been Daryl Dixon lay. A far cry from the weeping girl that had left him, she had only stared at his mangled corpse before silently sitting next to it.

He had considered going over there himself, but knew he would not be welcome. Best case scenario, she wanted to be alone with the man she had shared everything with, her best friend. Worst case…. She blamed Rick.

Rick blamed himself. Since they had been together, Beth had been sexually assaulted, lost the remind of their- of Judith, lost her best friend. How much of this was actually Rick's fault, he was unsure. But he was the one who had left Daryl's body behind. He knew it had been the right choice, neither of them would be here right now, but looking at the angry Beth… he wasn't so sure she felt the same way.

He watched her in silence as she threaded her fingers through Daryl's cold ones. In the dark he could barely make it out, but her lips were moving. She was talking to him. Rick groaned inwardly. He had been here before. He had said everything to Lori he has always wanted to. Things he hadn't had the guts to say to her face, things he had wished dreadfully to say before she'd taken her last breath. He wondered casually what Beth was saying to Daryl.

He felt that jealousy bubble in his stomach again, and its presence he tried to chuckle it away. Daryl was gay, it didn't matter. Nothing ever happened between them, and nothing ever would have. But watching Beth again rely on Daryl's strength and not his own, made him ache for her. Rick wanted it to be her little hand in his own. Her head rested on his shoulder, her soft voice whispering her fears to him, not Daryl. Again, Rick tried to laugh these thoughts away. There was a pang of guilt at being jealous of the man who was his brother. He was gone, after all, and here Rick was wishing it was him instead.

He heard Beth sniffle quietly and his heart broke.

At least she was crying, at least she was letting it out, he told himself. This was the first step towards healing, letting it out. Rick hadn't for days, so she was already doing better than he had, he thought ruefully. He had opted to talk to dead people on a phone and single handedly clear an entire cell block violently and recklessly.

Thank God she wasn't him.

/

Beth could smell the stench, of course she could, but she didn't care. She hid her instinctual revulsion when she touched his gray hand and it was cold. She pretended not to notice that his hand was one of the few things he had left. She had taken a grocery bag of all things, and covered his middle, the bit that the walkers had eaten out. At least it hadn't been all of him, she told herself. And if she moved his hair just so, you could barely notice the knife entry wound, where Rick had put him down.

Beth was good at lying to herself.

Still, she settled in next to Daryl, and pretended she found some warmth and comfort by it. She fiddled with his fingers, as if they'd always held hands. Of course they hadn't. There had been moments, after somebody died, or it was dark, that Beth had reached for him. And then, of course, when Daryl was dying they had touched. But Daryl wasn't known for being extremely touchy, and that barely changed even with her. Still, tonight, she craved that touch, even if it was cold.

Beth of course also saw Rick sitting across the room, illuminated by the moon, watching her, but she didn't care. She wanted to blame him for all of this, every second, but she couldn't. She might be angry and hurting, but she wasn't irrational. She knew he was looking out for her. She remembered all of it, despite what he might think. She remembered him holding her after Daryl died, and him making those lanterns. She remembered him holding her at night… bathing her when she was in shock. She even remembered that moment before everything went to hell. She thought, maybe, it looked like he wanted to kiss her.

She shuddered. She couldn't think about that right now.

Beth started talking, whispering nonsense to clear her head.

"Daryl, I'm scared. I know you said not to be, but I am. I can't help it. But I don't even know what I'm scared of. There's lots of choices of course, it is an apocalypse after all." She smiled to herself.

"Still, I'm safe, Rick's takin' care of me. I know you told him to, I remember. Joe and that group are gone, I'm safe." She paused, aware she was repeating herself.

"I'm safe." She said again, trying to reassure herself. Beth's breathing became labored and she winced as she felt the tears well up in her eyes. She didn't feel safe. Every time she closed her eyes she saw his eyes narrowed on her. Other times she would feel fine, and then she would feel his hands on her, his kisses on her skin. She wanted to tear off her flesh with her fingernails.

It was true that Beth was desperate to find Carl and Michonne, but not for the reasons Rick thought. Beth was going to leave once they had. She was going to walk straight into a herd. Or maybe just end it herself. She hadn't decided yet. All she knew was that she couldn't live like this. She had considered doing it just this morning, but didn't have the heart to abandon Rick. He would survive, of course, but she was the better hunter, and the better tracker. Leaving him would mean more or less letting him go without his family. She didn't want to do that to him. Her failings, her… tainted self, weren't his fault. She wouldn't punish him for it. She would help him find his son, and Michonne, and then she would sneak off. And that would be that.

"I'll see you soon Daryl. It won't be long now. When the sun's up, I'll start looking for tracks, I'll find them, just like you taught me."

_I also taught you not to give up._

His voice entered her mind, unwelcome and unbidden. She shook it off.

"I'm not givin' up Daryl. I'm givin' in. I'm ready. I'm tired of fighting. Walkers are one thing, you taught me how to fight those. You didn't teach me how to… how to live with this. So I'm just not gonna." She finished, as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Just hold me, alright? You can yell at me later." She snuggled up to Daryl's body, although it provided no warmth. Beth's eyes felt heavy, but she fought it for as long as she could. She watched Rick across the room, her eyes narrowed on him, as his head drooped forward, only to snap back up towards her. He was clearly fighting rest as well. _Stupid, _Beth thought, as sleep's pull tugged ever harder at her. _What's he got to be afraid of?_

_/_

Rick woke up to the screaming. His brain shook to attention, firing on all cylinders immediately. He didn't have to try and find the source; he knew it was Beth instinctively. He pushed through the darkness towards her, his eyes still clouded from rest. He crawled on his knees, dizzy from the lack of food and rest, to find her. Her body was burning, and his hands clasping around her seemed to only make her scream louder. He gently shook her, his hands combing through her hair, gentle shushing pouring from his lips as he urged her to wake.

The screaming stopped when her eyes flew open, but it was only replaced with her gasping for air. Rick felt the sweat pouring from her, bleeding into him, and her nails were digging into the arms he had wrapped around her. She wheezed and gasped, searching, begging for air, and he pulled her flush against him. He put his hand flat against her chest, breathing deeply, trying to help her regulate her air.

He said nothing at first, didn't know what to say. Sleep still held most of his senses, only fear and protectiveness remained. He felt her chest shake as she struggled to let air back into her lungs. She turned and looked at him, and her eyes made Rick's heart clench. There was nothing there but fear. He pulled her close to him and began whispering frantically to her.

_Breathe for me sweetheart please._

_Deep breaths, you are strong._

_I am so proud of you Beth. So proud. You are so strong you are going to overcome this._

_You're my hero, my inspiration If I could be half as strong as your are, I could do anything._

_You've got to breathe for me darling. _

_I know its tough, but you are a beautiful human being. You're growing, you're changing. You're not done who becoming the person you will become, not by a long shot._

_Don't give up on yourself. That can't happen, not while I'm around._

_Anybody that can make someone else this happy has a hell of a lot going for themselves._

_You will overcome this. One breath at at time. _

Rick was rambling, he knew it. He could hear the words tumbling out, and they were all true but he had no control over them. He didn't care, because breath was getting into Beth's lungs. She was no longer gasping. Rick could feel her heart rate slowing, as he continued to whisper every beautiful thing he could think of about her. His arms around her didn't loosen, even as her grip on his shirt did.

He felt his shirt saturate with her tears, and he just pulled her closer, while he whispered.

_You can cry, it's okay to cry. You're not weak, you're strong._

_People like you… People as kind and beautiful as you are, they don't end up alone and miserable and hurt like this. _

_I don't know how, or when, but we'll figure this out together. We'll make a new path for you._

_One problem at a time. Baby steps. But you'll get there._

_And that, Beth, is what's real._

Beth finally looked up at him again, after what felt like hours of Rick pleading into the night. Her eyes were swollen and red from the tears. The fear wasn't gone, no, it was still prevalent, fighting for superiority in her eyes. But there were other things there now. Fear yes, and confusion- but also something Rick had feared he'd never see again.

_Hope._

**This chapter is wildly personal for me, as I suffer from PTSD myself, and frequent nightmares. Some of these things are direct quotes from people who have helped me along the way. So if it sounds fake, I promise it isn't, haha. It just happened to work well that Rick got some of his feelings off his chest, and its helping Beth through. **

**That's what this story is, at its heart. This world sucks. People die, Shit happens. But these two are going to lift each other up and help each other fight through it. Spoiler alert, I guess, haha. I just think there's something beautiful about finding that little spot of light in the darkness. That tiny ray of sunshine. I need to shut up, I'm rambling!**

**I did want to thank those of you who went and read my little one-shot. Its so wildly different in tone from this, it was fun for me to write. I do have plans to expand that universe, so go leave a review! :P**

**As always I appreciate any reviews you want to throw my way for this story, and your thoughts. Thank you all!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry for the delay getting this out. Life, you know? That crazy thing.**

**As always, I don't own The Walking Dead, and I swear to god if I did our girl would be alive and kicking.**

**Please enjoy!**

Beth didn't sleep again that night. She pretended to, of course, because Rick was watching her like a hawk. Even in the darkness, his blue eyes shot through her like an arrow, and she finally closed her eyes, and made the appropriate sleeping sounds. _Deep breath in, deep breath out… slow and deep. Twitch a little here; let him think you're dreaming. _And, after what felt like forever, Rick finally started snoring gently beside her, his curls falling forward into his face and Beth stared at him.

What in the absolute HELL had that been?

What was it he had been saying to her? Beth couldn't quite remember. She was having difficulty breathing at the time, but she got the gist. Or had she? Because with what Rick was saying, it sounded like…

But that couldn't be.

Beth thought back to just a few days ago, when she had been writhing in the small bed in their little cabin. A cabin that was now nothing more than a pile of rubble. How she had reached her peak imagining him whispering words not unlike those he had whispered last night. How she had bit her lip imagining his arms and hands and lips touching her, the same things that had comforted her just a couple of hours ago.

She felt like a different person now.

Nothing was the same now. How could it be? Rick had been right, at the time. She was lying to herself, pretending they were on some sort of romantic getaway, not fighting to survive. Not fighting to find their family. She had been picking flowers, getting tipsy, and flirting instead of fighting. She wondered if she knew then what she knew now what she would have done.

Beth was no fool, she knew that light side of her… the joy, whatever it was, it was still in her, buried deep. She knew with time she would smile again, laugh again. Hell, she even knew that though she planned how to kill herself, that she probably wouldn't have the guts to do it. Hadn't she tried that already? What had kept her from it then? She hadn't wanted to die. She wanted to live. Was it different now?

Yes and no. At the time, it was fear. Before, Beth had closed her eyes and saw her dead mother reaching up to bite her, and Rick himself pulling her away. Now when she closed her eyes, she saw _him _touching her. Not just that, she saw herself shooting him. Shooting other men. Just firing the gun over and over, and blood. So much blood. And Rick, once again, pulling her away to safety.

Is that how it would always be? Rick coming to pull her out of her nightmares? Or did her nightmares start when the day Rick walked onto her farm?

No, even at her weakest, when Beth hated pretty much everything, she knew that was a lie. The world had gone to shit long before Rick Grimes walked into her life.

She turned to him, and gently tucked a curl behind his ear, causing his breath to hitch, and him to snort, before turning his head in his sleep.

Beth smiled sadly. She didn't know what the future was for her. She couldn't pretend the appeal of ending it all had left her completely. Even if she pushed past it, she wasn't ready for whatever he had been offering, if it had indeed been anything. He might be enough to get her past what she was fighting, but she couldn't pretend that she could be anywhere close to a man physically right now. The idea almost made her nauseated. And Rick was… well, he was a _man_. There would be no awkward fumbling like she experienced with Jimmy or Zach. It would be… everything, all at once, and Beth didn't… she couldn't…

_Shit._

She'd freaked herself out thinking about it, and now she was having a panic attack again. She gripped Daryl's hand beside her, the cold and lifeless thing, and started trying to catch her breath. She didn't want to wake Rick up. He'd try and help her, and she just didn't want that right now. She had to do this on her own.

Beth's eyes clenched shut and she concentrated at breathing in through her nose, not her mouth. She'd seen her daddy do this with Shawn a lot. He'd had bad anxiety as a kid, and ran around with an inhaler. She just had to catch her breath and it would be okay.

The problem was, her dad had always told Shawn to think of something happy, something relaxing, to help him get past it. And there was nothing for Beth to think of. Her parents were dead, her brother was dead. Her sister… at best was missing. Her best friend lay cold and unmoving to her left. Every time she tried to dwell on something good it reminded her there was nothing left and suddenly she wasn't just struggling to breathe, all air had left her body. All she had was…

"…Rick." She gasped, and immediately his eyes flew open. He grabbed her and started talking to her again, like he had never been asleep in the first place. He grabbed her hand in his own, and placed it to his chest where she could feel the rhythm of his breathing. Breathe in, and back out again, over and over. She started to catch her breath and her eyes moved from his hands holding hers to his chest and up to his deep eyes that watched her. Beth searched Rick eyes, trying to find something, anything for her to understand.

She saw only love, and patience, and fear for her.

That scared her more than anything else she could have found.

/

They had just gotten up after that. Beth had made it clear to Rick she would not be falling asleep again, and they were only about an hour from sunrise anyway. They said nothing as they prepped what little they have, and crawled out the window.

Rick had crawled out first, after having spotted a small shipping crate (bananas. How he missed those…) that he was able to use to get out without any assistance. He silently cleared a few straggling walkers to give time for Beth to say her goodbyes. And frankly, to give him time to mentally berate himself.

What in the hell had he been thinking? It was one thing to help Beth through a panic attack, that's just being kind. He had done as much with numerous people in his former capacity as lawman. But what in the actual hell had he said to her? He had been so drowsy, even now he couldn't exactly remember. But boy, he could remember the gist. He might as well have declared his love for her.

_That's just excellent timing, you dumbass. _Rick yelled at himself. _Oh you've just been through a severe trauma, and are currently fighting off an anxiety attack brought on by a vivid nightmare? What are you doing tonight? _He kicked the brick building behind him. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! Selfish, and stupid!_

Rick crouched down and held his head in his hands. He had gotten her through the episode, that's what mattered. Beth, being healthy, that's what mattered. His… crush, or whatever this was played second fiddle. Not even that, 18th fiddle. They had much bigger fish to fry at the moment; finding their family, surviving, getting Beth to feel safe and healthy. _Priorities, Rick, Priorities._

Rick heard Beth arrive in the window behind him, and he instinctively reached up to help her down. She regarded him warily, but accepted his help by putting her hands on his shoulders and letting him grasp her waist and ease her down. Her feet landed softly on the ground, and he let go of her as quickly as he could.

"Thank you for killin' the walkers." Beth practically whispered, her head angled down towards one that Rick had disposed of just moments ago.

Rick nodded frantically is response, his mouth suddenly unable to open and form a coherent thought.

While Rick continued to mentally berate himself for acting like a teenage boy, Beth began inspecting the sides of the building and the ground, occasionally bending down and touching the dirt or a stray leaf.

"Anything?" Rick muttered, embarrassed, but eager and hopeful to the prospect of finding his son.

Beth cocked her head gently. "Hard to say. There's a lot of footprints, and some of them could easily belong to… those people." She swallowed heavily. "I've been trying to pinpoint Carl's foot, since it would be so much smaller, but… well, truth be told, he's grown so much lately I don't know if it really would be or not." She admitted, shaking her head.

Rick blushed at the realization that he didn't really know either. Carl had indeed grown to the point where he was sure the boy must have been pulling Nikes off of walkers. The Sheriff's hat that had once engulfed his son now fit him better than it ever had Rick. Although Carl was still skinny just as Lori had been, he thought with a smile to himself. Even if it hadn't been an apocalypse, he imagined Carl shoving pizza pockets in his face and never gaining a pound. Rick, on the other hand, had always been chubby growing up, and it had been Shane pushing him to join the football team, then subsequently, the police force that kept him trim. Now of course, it was mostly just lack of food.

Rick was poking at his stomach when he realized Beth was watching him. She looked away quickly when he looked up at her, and he noticed a blush spread across her features. He imagined it somewhat matched his own.

"Um… Michonne's feet might actually be smaller and she might have a distinctive shoe, I don't know anything about it to be honest…" he mumbled quickly. But Beth's face lit up.

"That's perfect!" she exclaimed as she began looking at the tracks anew. "Michonne has always had those ridiculous boots, I teased her about them all the time. I'd know them anywhere."

Rick rubbed the back of his neck, and was trying to think of something to say, but Beth looked so focused he clammed up and kept whatever nonsense that would have fallen out of his mouth to himself. Beth's nose had wrinkled in confusion and she was walking quickly away from him.

"Beth?" he called out to her as he jogged lightly to catch up to her.

Beth was shaking her head. "They fought with someone here… I think." Beth face scrunched tightly, and she lowered her crossbow. "I'm not very good at this!" she sighed, exasperated. "Daryl hadn't taught me much, really."

Rick nodded, and tentatively placed a hand on her shoulder. "Tell me what you're seeing."

Beth bent down into the dirt and gently outlined an indention in the mud with her finger. "I think this is Michonne's boot heel. Do you see how it digs in and drags right here?"

Beth looked up at him for confirmation and Rick nodded, entranced by her intensity.

"She dug in. Her weight was on the back of her heel, she was off balance, and here-" she pointed about 20 inches away to a similar rivet in the dirt. "This belonged to whomever was pushing against her. " she stood up and walked a few feet away, before kicking at the dirt. "I think she threw him here." She smiled up at Rick.

Rick's heart was racing. Beth was doing it, she was finding them. He was terrified to say anything he wanted desperately to encourage her and push her forward, but didn't want to pressure her. He'd hunted with Daryl enough to know that trails are fickle, and easy to lose. He held his breath as she bent over the grass and swung the crossbow onto her back before dropping to her hands and knees.

"I can see her boots, and here I think, I think…" she stopped and looked up at Rick, her eyes glistening. "I think this is Carl." Beth's voice broke and Rick fell to his knees beside her. His hands moved independently of his conscious mind and pulled Beth to him, kissing her on the top of her head.

Beth, however, continued searching the ground below her and stood. She grabbed his hand, and pulled him quickly as she ran, her eyes clearly following something. She came to an abrupt stop, about 300 yards later, at the edge of some woods, the opposite direction of their cabin.

Rick swallowed. "That way?"

Beth just nodded.

**We're moving everybody along. This is kind of moving into a new phase of the story, as you can probably tell, where they'll be on the road looking for Michonne and Carl. I'm excited for the direction Rick and Beth are headed, both independently and as a unit. I hope you guys are too.**

**I feel like I should freely admit that I know nothing about tracking and am literally making it up. So I appreciate any feedback I get on the matter, or ideas. I'd happily write it in as needed!**

**As always, thank you, thank you, thank you for every review I get. Its what keeps this story going, even on days I don't much feel like writing. I love you all and any insight you give -positive or negative- helps me along.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you all again for such wonderful reviews... I'm not worthy!**

**As always, I don't own the Walking Dead.**

Rick recognized that Beth wasn't actually talking, so her improvement was a matter of opinion. But there was something there, regardless. There was a life, an energy, behind her eyes again. Between that and the fact that she was tracking his son, Rick was practically bouncing off the trees with excitement. He couldn't help it, though he thought his efforts to contain himself were pretty valiant, if he did say so himself.

They had been tracking all day, and Beth had kept the trail. That was nothing short of a miracle, he knew, and a testament to her abilities. Though every time they found something significant and he tried to praise her efforts, she shrugged him off. At one point they had even found a candy wrapper, that Rick was convinced belonged to Michonne and Carl.

What encouraged him the most, however, was that even when the sun had started to set, and they had certainly trekked miles, Beth hadn't found any human blood. Walker, yes, squirrel, yes, but no human. This meant that Michonne and Carl were uninjured. The thought released a tension in his shoulders that he didn't know he was carrying. Things were finally starting to go their way. Beth had a purpose which he was sure was helping her heal, and they were well on their way to finding his son.

"Ow." Beth groaned, as Rick ran straight into her back.

Rick winced. "Sorry. Why'd we stop?" he asked looking around. Had she found something?

"Shhh. Look." She pointed through the trees, where Rick spotted what she was pointing towards. A small camp, or what used to be one. There were several tents set up around a makeshift fire pit. There was what appeared to be some basic barbed wire surrounding the camp, in what Rick suspected was an attempt to keep out walkers.

It was unsuccessful.

About a dozen walkers roamed around the campsite. Some lazed against tents, while a few continued to gnaw on the remnants of… something. Beth started through the trees, before Rick instinctively reached out to grab her arm.

"What are you doing?" he hissed at her. She couldn't possibly be considering messing around with that many walkers.

Beth glared first at his grip on her arm and then her eyes traveled up to meet his own. There was a cold fierceness to her eyes, they were like ice. Her lips formed a slow, almost imperceptible snarl, and Rick slowly released her arm, as he searched her eyes for traces of the Beth he knew.

When Rick let go of her, Beth's features slowly softened. "There aren't that many. We need the supplies, Rick."

That was all she had to say. Rick knew she was right. They had almost nothing. The little they had managed to scrape together after the prison fell was taken when they ran into Joe's group. They had weapons, which were nice, but who knows what they could scavenge from the ruins of that group. And weapons wouldn't keep them warm at night.

Rick nodded his acquiescence, and Beth sadly smiled back at him, before starting off through the trees. Rick watched her for a moment. After watching Daryl in that vest firing the same crossbow, it was hard for him to imagine the same action as graceful, but Beth… the way she aimed, the way she balanced herself, it looked like a dance to him. Every movement was fluid, yet precise. It almost made him sad. The woman had the lines of a ballet dancer, but instead she was killing.

Rick watched her as she slung her crossbow behind her back and unsheathed her knife and plunged it into a walker's skull. She didn't struggle, but Rick still lunged quickly through the woods towards her. He pulled his own knife out and set to work on the walkers around her. They quickly and easily dispatched them all, in a matter of minutes. Rick turned immediately to check on Beth, who was breathing heavily, covered in walker goop. She was bent over a walker, inspecting him.

"What is it?" he asked warily.

Beth shook her head and shrugged. "I think they've all got bites."

Rick smiled. "That's sadly good news for us. Means they weren't attacked by humans."

"Which probably means this area is fairly safe." She agreed, nodding slowly. "Can you dig around? I noticed rabbit tracks down that way. Gonna see if I can get us some dinner before dark."

Rick winced as she pulled an arrow out of a walker's skull. He really didn't want Beth on her own right now. But he wasn't sure that stopping her was going to be good for her, much less effective. But before he could open his mouth to attempt any kind of protest, she was gone. It hadn't been a request; she had simply been informing him.

Rick sighed, and began scouring the ruins of the camp. They had been extremely lucky; there were some basic foodstuffs, and of course the tents, but also flashlights, batteries, lighters… things that were purely luxuries in this world. Rick's favorite discovery, however, had been a small yellow notebook with an attached matching pen. It clearly belonged to a young girl, though there was precious little written in it. Rick tore out the first 8 pages, which had the girl's musings in it, and pocketed them. The rest he would give to Beth.

It was an hour later when she returned with a grin, brandishing 2 small rabbits over her shoulder. Rick shook his head at how much she favored Daryl in that moment.

"I'll clean them." He offered softly, and she nodded, tossing them in his direction. She set to work digging a small fire pit for them to roast the meat on. Once that was accomplished, she took out a knife, and carved a stick to work as a skewer.

Again, Rick was ashamed at how surprised he was at Beth's strength. How had he never seen the power lurking beneath her soft features? Why had he relegated her to the role of glorified babysitter? He had been a fool.

Beth had gently removed the meat from his hands, and skewered it above to snapping fire. She turned the rabbits slowly, and he watched her unabashedly.

She coughed gently, and Rick pretended that wasn't her way of asking him to stop, although he knew better. Regardless, he straightened, and attempted to end the silence.

"So there's no sign of Michonne or Carl here?" he probed, and she shook her head in response.

"From what I can tell, this camp has only been here a couple of days. I think Michonne and Carl passed through before they got here." Beth answered, not taking her eyes off of the fire.

"Is that good?" he asked, all but begging her with his tone to talk to him. Her eyes flitted up to meet his and she smiled sadly.

"'s'not good or bad, really. Just means we're several days behind them still."

Rick nodded, and the dull silence settled over the two of them again. Beth pulled the meat from the fire, and stood, walking towards Rick before offering him one. She sat next to him, which made Rick's heart stop. They attacked their dinner with little abandon, as it was the first warm dinner they'd enjoyed in some time. They both knew they needed to pace themselves, but it was only a few minutes before the meat was gone, and they were left staring at the warm embers.

After a few moments, Rick felt Beth gently put her head on his shoulder.

"You know I'm not mad at you right?" she whispered, and Rick's heart broke. That the thought had even crossed her mind shattered him. He reached his arm around her, and pulled her close.

"I know." He mumbled into her hair. The quiet settled once again, but instead of it being fraught with tension, it was peaceful and calm, and for the first time since they had run into Joe, Rick wasn't filled with worry.

"Oh." He interjected into the quiet, "I forgot." He reached into his jacket pocket and presented the small notebook he had found. "I thought you might like this." He handed it to her, and continued talking into her hair. "I know it's a little young, but I remember seeing you writing in one at the prison. And I thought it might help you to write as you go."

He saw Beth's hands move slowly over the cover, which Rick realized now, wasn't yellow at all. In the light of the fire, the cover instead reflected a brilliant gold, with the outline of a blazing sun. As Rick stared at the cover, he saw a tear fall from Beth, and splash against it.

"No, no." he whispered frantically, turning and bending on his knees in front of her. He immediately began wiping away the rogue tears with his thumb. "You don't have to use it Beth, I'm so sorry. I just thought it might help you work through some of what's going on. God I'm so stupid! I'm so sorry Beth, I…"

Rick was cut off by the feeling of a warm, wet kiss on his cheek.

"I love it... Thank you Rick. I'm going to write in it right now. Will you take the first watch?"

She stood, and was gone, leaving a speechless Rick in her wake.

/

"_I finally got the little rascal to sleep." Lori sighed, falling onto the couch next to him. _

_He grinned and shut off the TV, throwing the remote over his shoulder. Rick immediately leaned into her and began peppering kisses on her neck. _

"_Rick, no… you've got to be kidding. For god's sake, I've got spit up on my shirt." She protested through a smile._

"_Easily remedied." He purred, lifting her shirt over her head and tossing it to the side. He moved his attentions downwards and began kissing and licking around the outline of her bra. Lori gasped as Rick grabbed at her hips. "Yes?" he asked in between nips, and she nodded her assent furiously._

_Rick leaned forward and pulled Lori over his shoulder and she laughed as he headed up the stairs towards their bedroom. Something pinged in the back of Rick's mind. The laugh was different. Regardless, they entered their dark and quiet bedroom. He gently placed her on the bed, and began removing her pants with determination. _

_She was now naked from the waist down, and Rick began kissing her calves, moving up her body. He stood and removed his shirt, pressing skin to skin as he pulled down the cup of her bra, revealing the tiny pink nipple._

_Rick immediately sucked it into his mouth, eliciting a groan from the woman beneath him. She buried her hands in his hair, urging him on, as he rolled it between his teeth. His hand snaked downwards, between the blonde curls, and he gently caressed her folds._

"_God you're so wet for me…" he hissed, enjoying how slippery she felt. He carefully slid his hand down, and entered her with his middle finger, making her gasp._

_Rick groaned, and pressed his hard length into her leg. She was so tight. How could she be that tight so soon after having Carl? It was amazing. He pressed the heel of his hand against her clit, and as he moved his finger in and out, he roughly brushed her clit over and over. _

_She was pulling his hair now, but he didn't stop. He released her nipple with a soft pop, before turning to the other one, and repeating the process. _

"_Rick, please… I'm so close." He heard her beg somewhere in the back of his mind. He rubbed the heel of his hand harder and faster against her, and carefully slid an additional finger into her tightness as he pumped into her. He felt her tighten beneath him. Her pull on his hair hurt now, but he was beyond caring. _

_She screamed his name as she convulsed against him. Rick continued pumping, allowing her to ride her high. As she came down, Rick removed his fingers slowly as she hissed. He brought the sticky substance up to his mouth and sucked on his fingers roughly. The taste of a woman was the sweetest thing in the world. But Rick couldn't help but think she tasted sweeter than she ever had before._

_In the darkness, she reached up, and pulled him down into the shadows to kiss him. She tugged at his lower lip, and he opened his mouth to let her tongue in. The taste of her cum mingled between their mouths in an intense kiss, and Rick realized he was painfully hard. He pulled away from the kiss, and looked down at the woman beneath him._

"_Beth."_

Rick's eyes shot open and he sat up quickly. He was covered in sweat and more distractingly, was hard as diamonds. He sighed, and opened the flap to the tent to check on Beth. She appeared to be resting gently, and her eyes were thankfully shut. Her arms were curled around the small journal. Rick stood up and walked away from the tent.

Rick groaned as the cool air accosted his overheated body. After a short mental battle with himself, Rick unzipped his pants, and began an unrelenting pace as he stroked himself. He leaned with his arm against a nearby tree, and tried to not let his mind remember too clearly what he had just dreamed. He focused on the feeling of his need, and the other generic sensations from his dream to reach his completion. But Beth's face, flushed, her pink lip sucked red by his mouth, her satiated smile entered his head, and despite his best intentions, he came with her image in his head.

"Beth."

**Let me know your thoughts on this one, guys. I know it feels like I'm dragging out them getting together, but I just can't let anything happen until Beth is ready. I'd beat the hell out of Rick if he made a move right now, so soon after her trauma. But they are exploring it. Some things just take time. :)**

**Next chapter is number 20! I'll try and get it out next week sometime, and maybe we can do something for my upcoming 150th review when we get there. **

**Thanks again for reading!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Can you believe I got this out so quickly?! I can't. And this is chapter 20! A quick thank you to all of you, chapter 20 may not seem that impressive, but its a big milestone for me, and I'm glad I get to share it with you guys.**

**As always, I have no ownership of The Walking Dead.**

When Beth opened her eyes, it was still pitch black outside. She sighed gratefully. Not only had she not woken up by yet another nightmare, but she hadn't slept so long that Rick wouldn't get a chance to sleep before the sun rose, and it was time to move on. She got up with the intent of exiting the tent, but when she opened the flap, she was greeted with the sight of Rick's back. He had positioned a chair in front of the entrance to the tent, and was snoring softly, clutching a gun. Beth chuckled lightly, and crawled quietly around him. Upon exiting, she stood and brushed the dirt from her hands and jeans. She couldn't help but smile down on the man in front of her. She should have been angry that he fell asleep on his watch, but she couldn't bring herself to be. Even when Rick was asleep, knowing he was nearby gave her a sense of protection that she knew no one else could emulate.

She bent down slightly in front of him, and wordlessly pushed his hair out of his face. Beth noticed the grey that had begun to show at his temples, and it matched the same in the wildness of his beard. She smiled sadly, knowing it was not age that brought the grey, but the stress that came with being the man everyone looked to at the end of the world. Beth felt a pang of guilt. When it had been she and Rick that had escaped the prison together, she had promised herself that she wouldn't be a burden on the man. She would help him find his son, he would help her find her sister, and that would be that. But now, despite her best efforts, she relied on him for everything. More, she reasoned, than even he knew. Yes she could defend herself physically thanks to Daryl, but everything else- her emotional and psychological well-being- she took the lead from Rick on. If he was feeling optimistic, so was she. If he was worried, so was she. Beth doubted Rick was aware of that, and that was at least good news for them both. But now Beth was faced with a new conundrum.

_How the hell to wake up Rick Grimes?_

In their cabin, he had always either woken up first, or just naturally stirred. She considered not waking him at all, but wanted him warm and safe inside the sleeping bag of the tent. Fall was here, after all, and despite his coat, he looked quite chilly. Beth made a mental note that they needed to stop somewhere for warmer clothes when they could.

The problem was, however, if she scared Rick waking him up, she could very easily end up with his gun in her face, and that was no good. She would really rather not be shot trying to get the man in bed. _To bed, _she quickly corrected mentally.

Beth stood back and surveyed him. Maybe she could stand behind him? That way his senses would come to before he could aim his gun at her. But of course he wouldn't be able to see her, which would perhaps scare him more. She finally opted that she would hold his gun down, and as his finger wasn't currently on the trigger, when she woke him, there wouldn't be much he could do whether he was afraid or not.

Beth bent down in front of him, and placed her palm flatly against the gun, holding it between her hand and his thigh, the barrel angled away from her.

"_Rick_." She whispered. Beth rolled her eyes at herself. She had whispered so quietly, she doubted even the moths had heard her. She was working herself up for nothing. There was no reason to even believe he'd wake up with a start, but here she was, her heart hammering in anticipation. She once again tried to determine if it was even worth it to wake him. But she wanted him warm and safe. Beth took a deep breath and worked up the courage.

"Rick." She tried more loudly, though still to no effect. Beth attempted to shake her anticipation off, and adjusted from the balls of her feet to her knees. She reached out incredibly slowly towards his shoulder.

The moment she touched his shoulder Rick's eyes shot open. "WHAT!? WHAT IS IT!? WHAT'S GOING ON?!" he stood up from the chair, inadvertently pushing Beth backwards onto her butt, his gun popping up from her loose grip. He aimed it around wildly, before his eyes seemed to land on Beth, who was lying on the ground.

Beth couldn't help herself. She began laughing. Rick had bent down, and was apologizing and trying to help her up, but she couldn't stop laughing. Something about the adrenaline combined with his insane, over the top reaction, and the fact that she was still behind on sleep turned into a case of the giggles. Beth felt tears roll down her eyes, and after a few moments she wasn't sure if she was laughing or crying. She felt Rick's arms wrap around her and he was chuckling into her hair. Beth reached in front of her and clung to Rick's forearms, as he rocked her gently.

Finally both her tears and laughter died down, and she turned and wiped her tears against Rick's arm. "I'm thinking maybe I should take first shift from now on." Beth smiled up at him. Rick laughed openly, a sound that warmed Beth to her toes.

"Yeah…" he said reaching up to rub his beard. "That's probably a smart idea."

/

Rick had handed over his gun, apologized profusely, and bid Beth a good night. Judging by the moon, he had probably around 4 hours of sleep to get before the sun was up and they needed to move on. Rick curled up in the same sleeping bag Beth had been in, and hugged the pillow that inexplicably already smelled like her. Rick closed his eyes in an attempt to sleep, but his heart was pounding, and he couldn't wipe a grin off of his face.

She had _laughed._

_/_

_Dear Diary:_

_I guess that's what you are. My new diary. Rick brought you to me and said that he thought it might help me to work through some stuff. That's what psychiatrists told crazy people to do back before the world went to shit. I hope Rick doesn't think I'm crazy._

_Just to catch you up on what qualifies as 'shit.' About two (?) years ago, the world ended. People… when they die, they don't stay dead. And when they come back, they ain't the same. They eat those of us who are still alive. Since then, I've lost my entire family. My mom and Shawn were gone pretty quick. I still miss them greatly, but part of me is glad they aren't around to see what the world is now. Who I am now._

_Not long after, Rick and his group came around. They were my new family, and we took care of each other. We lost the farm, which is where I grew up. But it seems silly to care about that now. We found a new place, the prison, but it's gone now too. That's where my daddy died. And it was the last place I saw Maggie. I don't know if she's dead or not. _

_Daryl and Judy are dead. Judy was Rick's daughter, but I watched her so much I thought of her as my own. Her own momma died having her. Daryl was my best friend and taught me everything I know about keeping myself safe. He was the only one who seemed to care that I know how to do that. In the end, it wasn't enough. Rick and I, we got out together, but people came for us. One of them tried to_

Beth picked up the tiny little pencil and shook her head. She couldn't even write it. How pathetic was that? She chewed solemnly on her bottom lip before determinedly continuing.

_One of them tried to hurt me. But I hurt him first. I hurt them all. I made it so they could never hurt me again. _

Beth slammed the book closed angrily. She hadn't meant to write that, but she hadn't been sure what to write. This wasn't going to work. Back before… everything, writing in the diary had just been a way to waste time. Of all things, she found herself occasionally bored at the prison. She wished to god she could be bored now. She had fancied that perhaps, one day, after she was gone and the world was better, somebody would find it, and learn something about what they had gone through trying to survive. Now she felt stupid even considering it. She doubted the world would ever be better, and even if it were, no one would care about the ramblings of a teenager.

She would continue to try to write in the thing, for Rick, but not right now. Right now it felt like a different Beth who had owned a journal- a childish version of herself. All it was helping to do at the moment was remind her of everything she had lost to this point.

And Maggie…. Beth was working so hard not to think about Maggie. _They had a lead on Carl and Michonne, so they were looking for them first. _She reminded herself for the thousandth time. She loved Carl and Michonne; they were nearly family to her.

_But they weren't. _A treacherous thought flitted across her brain. Beth shook it off. She wanted to find Carl and Michonne terribly, but there was nothing wrong with missing her sister, her flesh and blood. This was, of course, what Carl was to Rick. And, after all, maybe Michonne, who was an excellent tracker in her own right, would be able to help find Maggie. Or maybe they were already together.

_Why hadn't Maggie looked for her? _The same evil voice whispered, before Beth quickly shut it down. For one thing, she couldn't be sure that Maggie was even alive. And if she were, knowing Maggie, she probably went looking for Glenn first, which was fine. Beth probably would go looking for Rick first, after all.

Beth sat straight up at that fleeting thought, before she decided that was a rabbit hole she didn't want to go down.

Instead, Beth stood quickly and began packing for sunrise. It was both fortuitous and heartbreaking that they had anything to pack at all. Beth tried not to think about the fact that Rick had found a journal that clearly had belonged to a child. She found two large hiking backpacks, and filled them with all they could hold. Blankets, lighters, two tents, food… everything she could think of. She didn't look forward to trekking through the woods with what felt like a 30 pound pack, but the alternative was most likely succumbing to the elements, which was of course, even less attractive.

Beth effectively put her mind to sleep doing work until the sun started to peak out over the trees, and she was faced with an unfortunate task. Beth had to wake up Rick Grimes once again.

**I was trying to bring a little levity this chapter, I think Beth and Rick needed it, and of course the story needed it as well. Hopefully it made you guys smile a little, haha. I also think having a little bit of Beth's perspective was a big deal this chapter, knowing where her head is. She'll most likely get a big chunk of the next chapter too. I'm trying to split it evenly, so you're never wondering, but I'll admit its a little more natural for me to write in Rick's voice. Which is weird, as I'm not a middle aged man. But I digress.**

**I want to thank all my reviewers, especially my faithful ones, Emma, Kaylah, and daydreamer particularly. Thanks again for reading!**


	21. Chapter 21

**See, I don't want you people getting too used to these quick updates. They're not common. But truth be told, our OPS at work has been down, so I've been able to spit these out pretty well. I hope you guys enjoy!**

**I'm getting tired of saying it, but it is unfortunately still true that I have no legal ownership of the walking dead.**

Beth had gathered a handful of small rocks and was tossing them gingerly at the side of the tent. There was no way she was going to try and wake up Rick again. After the fourth of fifth rock, she heard a mumble coming from the tent and she stifled a giggle. She tossed another rock and was rewarded with Rick tumbling out of the tent.

"'M up, 'M up…" he grumbled, before leaning back into a full stretch and yawn. The movement revealed his stomach and a thin trail of hair leading somewhere that Beth tried extremely carefully not to think about. She swallowed roughly, and turned to retrieve the two back packs she had packed during her watch.

"Red or blue?" she asked, with a smirk on her face. Rick walked towards her and picked both of them up in his hands.

"Jesus Beth, could you make them any heavier?" he grinned, and she rolled her eyes.

"If you want to die out there on the road, I can't stop you." She finished, crossing her arms and sticking her tongue out at him.

Rick laughed back at her, before making a show of weighing the two bags in each of his hands. "Hmm. Seems like the red is a little lighter, so I'm gonna take that one." He said, tossing the red one onto his back. Beth smiled, knowing that if anything, the red one was heavier. But she said nothing, and lifted the blue bag onto her own shoulders. It didn't feel that bad now, but she knew after hours of walking it would be a nightmare.

"You ready?" she asked, stretching her own arms to prepare for the days walk.

Rick nodded, as he stuffed his knife in its holster. But his eyes brightened for a moment in thought. "Just a sec." Rick ducked into the tent again and emerged just a moment later with a pillow.

"Do we really need another pillow? Beth asked in surprised. Rick shrugged back at her, and then moved behind her, stuffing the pillow into the top loop of her pack.

"I just like this one." He said, before giving her a playful push. "Lay on, MacDuff." He grinned, and she rolled her eyes again.

The sun was just barely rising, and Beth struggled to pick up their trail from the day before, but before long the two were walking south in companionable silence. Rick would occasionally make a noise behind her as if he wanted to say something. After the third time, she finally turned on her heels to face him.

"Yes Rick?" she asked sweetly. Rick laughed awkwardly, and rubbed the back of his neck, knowing he was busted. "Just out with it." Beth put on a stern face, but knew that no matter how formidable she tried to appear, her amusement at his befuddlement would shine through.

"It's nothing." He tried, but conceded, "I've just been wonderin' how you're feelin.' "

Beth nodded, and continued walking, but fell in beside him instead of leading. "Honestly? Mostly just… weak. Just tired all over you know?" she paused, but Rick said nothing. "Mostly I'm worried about the others, to be honest."

Rick laughed softly under his breath. "That's such a Beth thing to do."

Beth stopped walking, confused. "What do you mean?"

"You've had a terribly rough go of it over the past ten days, you've lost your dad and your best friend, and you've been… assaulted, and now you're starving and exhausted stuck with a cranky old man. But no, what you worry about is everybody else. You're just inherently kind. That's just so… Beth!" He finished, throwing his hands into the air.

Beth narrowed her eyes on him, and wrinkled her nose. "Okay, one, you're not a cranky old man, let's just get that out of the way," she sighed, feeling a blush rise up her neck. "Two, as much as I've 'been through' we don't know what the others have had to deal with, if they're even alive."

Rick sighed, and absent mindedly clutched Beth's ponytail between his fingers. "Wouldn't kill you to have a little faith, Beth." He said softly.

She exhaled sharply, and crossed her arms lightly. "I don't mean Carl." She corrected herself, regretting that she hurt him by not specifying that to begin with. "We know he and Michonne got out, and all evidence makes it seem like they're okay. But I don't have any idea where Maggie is." Beth forced her voice to be like steel. "And Glenn was already so sick when the prison was attacked. And I didn't even see Carol that day."

Rick winced. It did not go unnoticed by Beth.

"Do you know what happened to Carol, Rick?" she asked carefully. It would not have been unlike Rick to hide Carol's death from her, thinking that he was sparing her from that pain. But he quickly shook his head.

"I don't know where Carol is Beth." He drawled, letting Beth know that wasn't the entire story. "But she wasn't at the prison when it was attacked."

"Why not?" she probed gently, as she gathered from Rick's inability to look her in the eye that this was a touchy subject.

Rick sighed, and rubbed his forehead. Beth gently touched his forearm, encouraging him on. She would have liked to say that they didn't need to talk about it, but she needed to know. "Karen and David." He finally spat out.

"What about them?" Beth asked carefully, a sinking feeling gnawing at the pit of her stomach.

Rick turned away from Beth's touch harshly, his back now facing her. "It was Carol. Carol killed them. She killed them, and dragged their bodies out and burned them." He finished hastily.

Beth blanched. "But… that can't be right. Karen and David… they were one of us. They were part of our family. Carol wouldn't…"

"But she did. She told me." Rick interrupted. "And I took her out of the prison. And I gave her every chance that day, I did. But she wasn't sorry. She kept saying she was sorry she HAD to do it. And that isn't the same. And I- I told her. I told her I couldn't have that around my kids."

Beth pressed her palm to Rick's back gently. Comforting him, but urging him on. "I gave her keys to a car filled with supplies. And I told her to leave." Rick finished, his voice catching roughly.

Beth slipped her arms around Rick's waist, and pulled him to her as he cried. Her body language was intended for comfort, but internally her mind was racing. The idea that Carol murdered two innocent people was a lot for her to digest. She didn't have to ask, she knew what Carol had been thinking. Karen and David were sick, and by getting rid of them, she would be in theory getting rid of the sickness. Not that it worked. But even if it had… at what cost?

Rick interrupted her thoughts. "It wasn't only that. She was teaching the kids how to fight. And Carl found out and she asked him not to tell me. She asked my SON to lie to me."

Beth didn't understand. None of this sounded like Carol. But Rick said that she had confessed. Beth had no problem with her instructing the kids; thank god that Daryl had taken the same interest in her well-being. But asking Carl to lie?

"I think…" she whispered gingerly into Rick's back, "that you did the right thing." She finished roughly, as Rick began to cry. "It's not so much what she did, though it was horrible. It's that… there's clearly no trust there anymore. And in this world, you have to have trust." She finished lightly, squeezing Rick a little tighter.

Rick sighed heavily, and Beth allowed a moment of sharing this closeness with Rick. It reminded her of the days in the cabin, when it was just them. HE was so warm. She had no idea how he generated so much heat. And he smelled like wood and grass and something else… something sweet, and just undeniably _Rick_.

He turned and wrapped her in a hug. "You don't have to say that. I waffle on that decision every day. It just wasn't something I wanted to burden you with."

At that moment, they heard the tell-tale sounds of walker moaning pushing through the trees. "Goddamit!" Rick exclaimed, before drawing his knife. He shrugged off his backpack, and gently pushed Beth back away from the small pack that was moving out of the trees towards them.

Beth watched in a state of shock as Rick brutalized the walkers, one after the other. He never drew his gun. He grabbed them each by the neck of their shirts, and repeatedly stabbed their skulls, while kicking off the next one.

Beth had seen Rick fight before, but never while he was this angry. He often let out yells as he wounded each of them. Beth had her gun drawn the entire time, and was ready to fire it if need be, but she wanted to allow him to work off this anger.

Rick dispatched of eight walkers on his own, relatively quickly. He paced back from the mound of rotting flesh and stepped on the final walker's skull, ensuring its demise. Rick looked back at her, out of breath, and sweating. Beth wasn't sure if he was about to cry or scream. But Rick did neither. He simply picked up his pack and grabbed her hand.

"Let's go."

**I didn't intend for this chapter to look like this, but I did want Rick to get this thing with Carol off of his chest. I think that's a big thing that would have effected him at this point on the show, and therefore he needed to share that with Beth. In the interest of full disclosure, its never been a secret that I'm no big fan of Carol's... but I did try and be somewhat neutral in my writing, and I hope that came across. This scene was definitely not even supposed to be this long, but it kind of morphed into a monster. **

**I also want to say a special thanks for the reviews from last chapter. WOW! I've never had such great feedback on a chapter. All of it was thoughtful, and it made me giddy. Thank you, thank you! I guess that means I need to be funnier from time to time, huh?**

**Also, I did post a little tiny baby Brick one-shot, called "It changes you." The link is on my profile. I think. I'll double check. Should be by the time you guys get there anyway. It's not a FUN one shot, like the last one, certainly, but I hope that you guys will read and review it, even though its, um... different.**

**Thanks again!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Alright, so the OPS is back up at work, so if you don't hear from me ever again I've drowned in work. (I promise the former won't happen. Can't promise anything regarding the latter.)**

**Still don't own TWD. Please enjoy!**

Rick had a lot of anger at the moment, but he was having a hard time pinning the exact reason down. He knew that he wasn't mad at the walkers he had just decimated. He wasn't even mad at Carol, though he had been surprised at the depth of the feelings that reliving her banishment had sprung on him. No his anger was coming from that feeling of having Beth's arms around his waist. Not that he was mad at Beth of course; she was doing exactly what he needed. But it stirred something in him that he couldn't have vocalized even if he had wanted to.

It reminded him of when he killed Shane. Although Rick knew in the back of his mind that it was different, very different, it felt remarkably the same. Someone he had trusted explicitly betrayed the group, and in turn he removed them. And when he told Lori, at first she had been like Beth, and wrapped her arms around his waist, her face gently buried into his shoulder. Then something he had said scared her away. She let go of him, and honestly, never came back to him. It was completely different with Lori after that.

Is that how it would be with Beth? Had Beth finally seen the worst of him, like Lori had?

_But Beth didn't let go._

Rick shook the thought out of his brain. Beth didn't owe him anything, least of all her understanding. And he definitely didn't need to be comparing her to Lori. The thought of it made his stomach flip. Regardless of his feelings, he wouldn't let Beth suffer the same fate his late wife had.

He had been brooding, and he knew it. Beth was following several paces behind him, and that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted her next to him, talking and laughing like it used to be. But things were never that easy, and he knew it.

His thoughts were unceremoniously interrupted by the sound of his stomach rumbling.

He stopped walking and sighed, dropping his backpack to the ground.

"You ok?" Beth asked gingerly, catching up with him. Rick could barely face her. She just looked so… sincere. And all he could think about was the mistakes he's made.

"Yeah, just hungry." He admitted quickly.

Beth smiled half-heartedly. "Oh thank god. I'm starving."

Despite himself, Rick laughed in response. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"You were setting a pretty good pace." Beth cheekily stated before letting her back pack hit the ground as well. "I say we've earned ourselves a lunch break." Beth dug around in the blue back pack before retrieving what Rick could only guess was a can of Spam.

He wrinkled his nose. "You're kidding, right?"

Beth underhanded the can to him, and shrugged. "Hey, beggars can't be choosers."

But Rick regarded the can warily. It reminded him of the time when they had been on the road and Carl had found only a can of dog food. There was no way he was letting his son eat that. This didn't feel terribly different, although he supposed it was.

"Oh!" Beth exclaimed, reaching into her pack again. "I have an idea." After a few moments, she pulled out a can of pineapple.

"What is that for?" Rick asked, his nose scrunching, as Beth popped the lid open.

"When my parents got married, they went to Hawaii. Apparently it's common down there to eat spam, eggs, and rice. The place they stayed always added a big slice of pineapple on top. On their anniversaries they would always make this. It reminded them of their honeymoon." She shrugged, opening the can of spam, and rinsing her knife off with water. "I know we don't have eggs or rice, but it might be nice anyway."

Rick shook his head, and watched her carefully slice the spam. Maybe Beth was coming back into herself if she was sharing these happy memories. She seemed to have forgotten anything good ever happened to her before the prison fell. She handed him a slice of spam with a ring of pineapple on the top, and he eyed it surreptitiously.

Beth laughed at him. "You've got to eat Rick."

"Yes ma'am." He deadpanned, and took a bite. He chewed it thoughtfully while Beth eyed him. "It's not bad." He admitted, swallowing. "If you can get past what it IS, the sweet and salty works kind of well."

"Ha." Beth said simply, before eating her own mixture. Rick watched her pick carefully at the edges, and the juice from the pineapple run down her hand. She looked so young at this moment, deceptively so. She looked like she should have been with her friends at a sock hop. Rick felt a twinge of pain for her at this moment. Beth was so pure. She shouldn't have had to go through this. He swallowed roughly.

"Beth?" she looked up at him and smiled, which felt like a stranglehold on his chest. "Just wonderin', do you ever think about what you would be doin' right now? If it weren't for all this, I mean."

Beth's face fell. "I don't." she said curtly.

Rick pushed on, despite his gut telling him to stop. "I mean, what do you think you would have majored in at school?"

Beth sighed heavily. "I always had planned to become a vet like my dad." She finished succinctly. Rick knew she was just placating him at this point. He picked off a corner of his spam and threw it at her.

"Be nice to me. I'm old." He said sticking out his bottom lip in a playful pout. He reveled in his success as Beth laughed softly.

"You're not old, stop sayin' it." She laughed, throwing the little piece of spam back at him. "The truth is, I don't much like to think about it." She whispered.

Rick scooted over towards her, under the guise of hearing her better. Their legs touched and his heart stopped. "How come?" he asked gingerly.

Beth shrugged next to him, and Rick carefully reached out for her hand. He always expected her hand to be warm and dainty, but it was cold and rough, a physical representation of her experience. But her hand was so small in his.

"I can't imagine going to school with my friends and talking about, what? Boys? Makeup? It all seems so pointless now. Maggie tried sometimes, to act like nothing had changed. Or like things could go back to normal. But I can't, Rick, I can't. It's not who I am anymore. And sometimes I'm afraid that things could go back. Maybe someday we'll build a civilization. I can't pretend that I'm who I used to be. What if they don't accept me? I've done… I've killed people. I don't think you get to come back from that. And what's worse, I don't think I want to. I don't want to go back to who I used to be. I don't ever want to go back." She swallowed hard, and Rick knew she was working to keep her voice steady. He rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb.

Beth sighed. "I feel like a jerk, because… I don't think I would change any of it. It's not a good life, but if none of this happens, I don't have Daryl, I don't have Judith, I don't have…you." She swallowed. "And I know what you're thinking, you would change everything. You would kill the governor the first time you met him, and save the prison, save my dad. Save everyone. And it looks like the better option right now, but who knows where we go from here? Maybe we go somewhere even better. I can wish my dad were here, but what's the point of that? Things have been set in motion. All I can do is hope for a better future."

Rick shifted thoughtfully in the dirt. "You don't know what I think Beth."

She turned sharply to face him, her eyes narrowing on him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that yes; I have wished that in the past. And right now, I would give anything to have kept you out of that house with Joe and his people. I would give anything to keep you from that." Rick paused, and debated whether or not to finish his thought. But eventually acquiesced. "But I can't wish for some things to change. Because if the prison never falls, I never get… this." Rick squeezed Beth's hand. "And I've really, really needed this. I don't like to think the kind of person I would be without it. Without you."

Rick watched as Beth's face turned red, and her tears finally began to fall. Rick sighed. He had pushed too far. He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't let his feelings get in the way of their working relationship, for lack of a better term. But that isn't even what he meant. Yes, he knew his feelings for Beth were strong, and definitely not going away anytime soon, but it wasn't even that. Rick had never had a… _friend_ like this. Even Shane, even Lori, Rick had compulsively self-censored. They sat in judgement of him every time he shared something with them. If Rick told Shane about a date, he would tell him all the things he had done wrong. If Rick told Lori about something at work or with Carl, she would just instinctively correct him about things.

Beth just didn't. It went against her nature. She just listened to him. And even if she disagreed, it felt like a conversation between equals, not the hammer coming down on him. Rick never felt the need to censor himself with her like he had before. He found himself spilling everything he had ever feared or worried about to her, and instead of a crushing doubt about opening up he felt… liberated.

Now he had ruined it. She would keep herself from him because he couldn't proverbially keep it in his pants. He went to pull his hand away, but she clutched it tighter.

"I know how you feel." Beth murmured.

Rick looked at Beth in shock, but she wouldn't meet his gaze. Her face was stained with a deep crimson blush and tears running down her cheeks. He sighed, somewhat in relief, and simply pulled her into a hug.

"Looks like we're back to taking turns crying." He whispered softly into her hair, and she chuckled against his chest. Rick was beyond tempted to kiss her in this moment. He hated seeing her hurt, and this time it was essentially his fault for pushing her. It would have been so easy to do. Just tilt her chin up and take advantage of the moment.

But he couldn't do it.

She didn't deserve to have her hurt be taken advantage of. And holding her close to his chest was enough for Rick in this moment.

"…Rick?" he finally heard her whisper, after clutching her to him for quite some time. "What's that?" she pulled away from him, and he followed her line of sight.

There, on the path they were roughly following, was a trap buried under a light dusting of leaves.

"That earth is fresh." Beth said, crawling away from him.

Rick instinctively reached for her. "Don't get too close Beth." But she crawled towards it, and inspected it as closely as she could.

"Rick," she said, turning to face him, "I think someone put this here today."

**Dun dun dun, etc. **

**For those who may or may not care, I updated the fluffy one-shot "Meet the Parents" that I wrote for Emma Kellog. A faithful reviewer. (hint hint). **

**Hope you enjoyed!**


	23. Chapter 23

**It's this fic's anniversary! (on Wednesday, actually.) Which is kind of cheating, since I wrote the first chapter, promptly forgot about it, and then started writing it again a few months later. Whoops.**

**As always, much to my disappointment, I do not own the walking dead.**

Beth's eyes were wild as she tried to pick up clues and signs around the trap. Rick, god bless him, wasn't really helping.

"What do you see? Is it Carl and Michonne? Or someone else?" he asked quickly and fiercely. Beth couldn't honestly blame him, the prospect of this being the clue they needed to reunite part of their family was too appealing to be calm about. But regardless of how diligently Beth searched the area, she still came up empty.

She shook her head sadly. "There's nothing distinguishing. No shoe prints or anything like that. Just evidence that someone was here, at some point recently." She sighed heavily. The implications were clear. They could follow the tracks, of course, that was easy enough. But what would they be walking in to? For all they knew they could walk smack into Joe. It was high risk, but of course, also very high reward.

"Well, we need to track them." Beth's head snapped backwards to look at Rick. Had he really just said that?

"Rick, it could be anyone. It could be Joe." Beth's eyes hardened on Rick. He couldn't really think it was a good idea to put them in danger like that.

Rick tilted his head and nodded, as he held a hand out towards Beth. "Now I know that Beth. But it could also be Carl and Michonne. Don't you think that's a risk worth taking?" he asked, his eyes demanding.

Beth's chest tightened and she balled her hands into fists. Her nails dug into her skin, and she felt that tell-tale prick behind her eyes that let her know tears were imminent. She tried to catch her breath, but the knot in her chest made it so she was unable to do so.

It wasn't that Beth didn't agree with Rick in theory, but in her head she just kept seeing Joe's face. And all the things she associated with him were rushing in on her, the fear, the pain, the blood. Her breathing was spiraling out of control, and before she knew it she was gasping for air, and she fell to the ground.

Rick was immediately next to her, and she could vaguely feel his hands on her, smoothing her hair, and she knew he was whispering platitudes in her ear, but she couldn't distinguish them. All she could see was Joe, burning her home. Joe, sending Billy up to her room. Joe, beating up Rick. And it felt like fire in her body.

Beth's fingers dug into the dirt, and her vision grew spotty. She desperately wanted Rick to stop touching her, she needed space. But even now, she couldn't bear to tell him that his hand on her back felt like a thousand tons pushing down on her. Nothing he could do or say was going to get her through this. It just had to pass. Beth tried desperately to think of other things, but in her mind it only drew attention to what she was trying NOT to think about.

Instead Beth just started counting multiples of 6. She didn't know why she was doing it, but after a certain point, it got a little harder to remember the math, and she had to think about it, and that meant her mind had something else to do.

It was shockingly effective. Beth didn't know how much time had passed before she was finally getting a deep breath. Panting still, yes, but breathing. It was such a relief to her. She sat back on her heels and laughed through the tears coming down her cheeks. She had finally found a method of getting through those on her own.

She turned to face Rick, who was sitting with his head in his hands. His curls had fallen forward into his face, and Beth lightly pushed them backwards, letting her fingers run through his hair. He was so beautiful like this.

"Rick." She tried, urging him to look at her. He simply shook his head, his hands not moving from his face. She sighed, and sat down, facing him, and balanced her chin on his knees. Beth had just had a personal triumph. Overcoming a panic attack on her own was a big deal to her. After all those painful minutes of not being able to stand being touched, being close to Rick now felt damn amazing. She let her hand touch his shoulder and drift down the length of his arm. He was so warm and strong.

"Rick, I'm not mad at you." She tried again, all but begging him to face her. After no response from him, her tiny fingers pried at his own, removing them from his face. Doing so revealed his eyes, which were stained red from exhaustion and tears.

"Rick. It's not your fault." Beth smiled at him. But instead of returning the gesture, Rick instead winced.

"What are you talking about? Of course it's my fault." He growled, glaring at Beth. "How could it be construed as anything other than my fault? God, I'm so selfish. I didn't even think, Beth. How can you not be furious with me?"

Rick tried to yank away from her touch, but she refused to let him. "Shut up Rick. If I'm not mad at you, I'd appreciate you not blamin' yourself. You didn't mean anything by it. It's just bad memories, 's all." She rolled her eyes at him, and Rick regarded her warily.

"It was still selfish." He groaned, his hand running though his hair.

"Yes it was." Beth agreed, sticking her tongue out at him. "Now shut up about it, and help me figure out what we should do."

Rick smirked at her attitude, and surprised her, by pulling her down to him in an embrace. She laughed, and reveled in his warmth.

"I don't understand you at all Beth Greene."

/

Beth was pleased with their arrangement. They had eventually agreed to spend the night up the hill, hidden by trees and their visibility heightened by the high ground. In the morning they would follow the new path with extreme caution.

It was agreed that Beth would take the first watch given that Rick was a terrible human being who tried to shoot people when he woke up.

They had set their tent up together, but had agreed that a fire was too big of a risk at the moment, especially from on top of a hill. Instead they had unrolled both of the sleeping bags, doubling them up, so that whoever was sleeping would stay warm. Then of course, whoever was on watch had the giant coat that Rick had gotten from the grocery store.

Which is how Beth found herself freezing to death, and feeling like an idiot because she kept smelling Rick's coat.

_Dear Diary:_

_I had another panic attack today, but I got through it on my own. It's an exhilarating feeling to know I can do that. I guess that's what my life has come to, feeling excited that I don't have to rely on someone else to get me through a panic attack. My, how the mighty have fallen. Haha._

_Rick and I found a trap in the woods. Could be a clue, could be nothing, could be Joe. Those are some pretty terrible options. _

_I have a weird concern. What happens when we find everyone else? Don't get me wrong, I want to find everyone desperately. Especially Maggie. She's all the kin I have left, and I need her. I need to know she's safe. _

_But…._

_What happens? Before, at the prison, the only time Rick and I really interacted was when we were handing off Judith. I mean, I liked Rick, and I guess he liked me okay, but we weren't really friends. Just co-workers, more like. But now… I can't imagine a day without him. I guess I'm scared of it going back to like it was before. Where we just coexist. I don't know that I could do that, now. Is that what he would want? _

_I know he… feels things. Things like I feel. He's practically said so. But maybe it could just be because there's no one else. What if he's embarrassed once we're around everyone again? What if-_

Beth stopped writing because her hands were completely frozen. It had now started to hurt. She buried her cold fingers inside the sleeves of the coat, and balled the edges in her fists. She was not amused by this cold front. She knew it was fall, but this was unacceptable. It wasn't that cold, she supposed, but the wind was biting and unpleasant. She shivered against it, and wished the coat had a hood.

Her ears were burning, which seemed so counterintuitive to Beth. Her nose was quickly joining her ears in an uncomfortable state. Shawn had always teased her about that as a kid. As soon as the temperature dropped, her nose would turn red, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Even when she was older, she would sneak Maggie's makeup- which was the wrong shade, but what the hell did she know at 13- and cover it up with foundation, and powder, but when she stepped outside, bam. Red. It made her crazy. It didn't help that Shawn insisted on calling her Rudolph.

Beth's thoughts were interrupted by a sound coming from Rick's tent. The wind was whistling in her ears, and she was alternating between covering her ears and her nose with her sleeves, so she wondered if she imagined it.

She listened intently, and sure enough a few moments later, she heard a strangled, _"Beeeeeth"_ coming from his tent.

Beth quickly drew her gun, and sprinted towards his tent, ready to fire. Her heart was racing in fear that she had been distracted by the cold and now Rick was in serious trouble. She was cursing herself as she flung back the opening to his tent.

But he was alone.

Rick was wrapped up in both sleeping bags, his teeth chattering. "'M c-cold, Beth."

Beth tried not to laugh at him. He was still clearly mostly asleep, so much so that she doubted he would even remember this in the morning. "You've got all the blankets, Rick." She giggled, and he frowned at her.

"S-still cold." His eyes were shut, as he clutched the blankets around him. "Come snuggle me."

Beth blushed furiously, but briefly considered the proposition. "Someone's gotta keep watch, Rick. 'Specially now." She added, but not before her treacherous mind remembered the warmth he gave off. She'd never been cold in the cabin.

Beth heard Rick grumbling as he kicked off his sleeping bag covers. She watched in curiosity as he unzipped them so they were open, and pulled them around his body, covering his head. He stalked out of the tent, past Beth, the sleeping bags trailing behind him.

Beth gave up trying not to laugh when he seemed to remember he took off without her. He turned around, eyes still barely opened, and grabbed her hand, and dragged her outside towards her chair. He used his foot to drag his chair close to her own. He motioned vaguely with his head for Beth to sit down, and she did so, teeth chattering.

Rick flung the sleeping bags around the two of them, and Beth felt the immediate increase in warmth, causing her to sigh happily. Rick then proceeded to curl his legs up in his chair, making himself into a ball. He handed the edges of the sleeping bag to Beth, and proceeded to bury his face in her chest, and wrap his arms around her waist.

"Night."

It was that quick, that simple, and Rick Grimes was snoring against her.

Beth chuckled quietly, and tried not to wake him. His instincts were spot on, she was indeed quite warmer, and so she assumed he was as well. Beth admitted to herself that she had missed this dearly. Sharing a bed –or chairs- with Rick made her feel safe and cared for, which were feelings that were difficult to come by, especially now.

She felt a little silly for what she had written earlier. Times like this, Beth remembered that Rick relied on her just as much as she relied on him. More than that, he enjoyed her company as much as she enjoyed his. She felt foolish for thinking that might change, no matter who he had to contend with.

She wondered what Maggie might think if she learned that her preferred method of sleep was in the arms of Rick Grimes.

Beth realized she didn't much care.

**So sorry it took me so long to get this out, I had a dream about Shane and Lori so of course I had to write a quick one-shot. Stupid, stupid, stupid... 8k words later... its on my profile, 'Far From Perfect.' Beth's in it, because I am completely incapable of writing anything without her in it. I fully anticipate random crossovers in my future. Beth is a sith lord! Beth is on the island with Jack and Sawyer, rubbing elbows with her new bestie, Juliet! Beth finds herself in Storybrook and falls in love with Jefferson! Beth gets an internship in Stark Tower, and is constantly having to clean up after Avengers!**

**...**

**See, the problem is I don't even know if I'm kidding or not. But I digress. Also, to that point, I told you my other Rick/Beth one shot was titled Meet the Parents, but its actually "Meet the Folks." And yes, its on my profile. Now that I'm done plugging myself...**

**I just want to thank my reviewers. Every time I post a chapter, I get an update if someone reviews and it completely makes my day. I show them to my husband, and I get all smiley and everything. Yes I have no life. Indulge me, haha.**

**I hope you guys liked this chapter. I tried to keep some of the levity, but I hope it didn't overshadow how big of a moment this is for Beth. PTSD isn't something you ever 'get over' but finding the tools to deal with it is a huge deal. Coming to grips with it will help her become more like herself, though like she's mentioned, she's never going to be completely like she was again. But I digress (again.)**

**Thank you for reading!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Okay, this is roughly the pace I'm aiming for, a chapter every couple weeks. We'll see how it holds up.**

**As always, I don't own the walking dead, which bums me way out.**

When Rick awoke to the sun piercing his eyes, his initial reaction was to be upset that Beth had allowed him to sleep through the night. But as his awareness came back to him, he realized not only was his head buried in Beth's lap, but her fingers were slowly twirling through his hair while she hummed to him. He found it difficult to be too upset about that.

Rick sat up slowly, thanking the god he didn't believe in that he hadn't left a puddle of drool on Beth's jeans. "You let me sleep?" he asked slowly, unsure of how to ask how he ended up outside with her.

Beth nodded happily. "You seemed like you needed it, and I never really got all that tired." She explained easily.

Rick stretched out his back. While there were numerous benefits to falling asleep next to Beth, the number it did on his back was not one of them. Beth noticed his discomfort and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yes, haha, I'm old and my bones are brittle. So funny." Rick deadpanned.

Beth laughed and rolled her eyes. "All I was thinkin' was that it serves you right for draggin' out here in the middle of the night like you did."

Rick winced.

"You don't remember, huh? Let me refresh your memory. 'Oh Beeeth, I'm so coooold, snuggle meeee.'" Beth giggled as she did an impression of him, wrapping her arms around herself. When Rick felt a flush spread across his cheeks, he was sure she laughed even harder.

"Don't act like you didn't like it." He spat out at her, and reveled in the fact that his tease produced a mirroring shade of scarlet to splay across her features. Rick snickered softly, and pulled Beth towards him, kissing her gently on the head. "Best sleep I've had in ages." He added, as she tugged at his coat.

Rick wrapped around Beth, and they intertwined, saying nothing for several minutes. Rick could hear Beth's ragged breathing, and he was sure it matched his own. He was overly aware of his body at this moment as it pressed against Beth. The crisp fall smell was permeating his nostrils, the wind whipping around them, but he didn't feel cold at all. If anything, he felt overheated, and he was sure he knew why.

Beth looked up at Rick, and he swallowed roughly as her blue eyes pierced him. His hand instinctively moved to her cheek, where his thumb swiped lovingly across her cheekbone. Beth inhaled sharply, and pulled lightly away from him.

"Sorry." He mumbled, and Beth only smiled, as if he had said nothing.

"Guess we better hit the road!" she said brightly, but then frowned. "Is your back going to be okay with the backpack?"

Rick groaned, and reached behind him, rubbing his shoulder. "I'm sure it'll be fine." He paused and tried to catch Beth's eye. "Are you sure this is what you want to do? Follow this trail?" Beth smiled sadly at Rick, an expression that worried him greatly.

"I'm sure." She nodded, and quickly averted his gaze. "I want to find your son."

Rick sighed, ashamed of his relief at her answer. He wanted Beth to be comfortable, and willing to take this risk, but it would have broken him to give up on a chance to find his son.

The two of them packed and chatted playfully as they rolled up the sleeping bags. Beth recalled to him how he had more or less sleep walked the prior evening, though given her strained tone, he suspected that she was leaving out some of the more embarrassing details to spare him, which did nothing to soothe his worry that he'd humiliated himself thoroughly.

As they started out down the hill towards the path they had left last night, Rick couldn't help but notice that Beth let him take the lead. She was the tracker, and had flourished in the role, so to see her willingly taking a back seat to him worried him greatly. Rick slowed his pace so that they were walking next to each other, which was an arrangement that made him feel much better anyway.

Rick heard Beth purposefully slow her breathing as they passed over the path and the trap they had found and started following the tracks of whomever had been there. He instinctively reached for her hand, and she grasped it gratefully.

Rick felt completely at ease walking next to Beth, and they held hands as they followed the tracks down what was turning out to be a fairly steep hill. His smile faltered when a drop of rain filtered through the canopy of oaks. Rick removed his coat quickly and pulled Beth to him as they attempted to shelter themselves under the surprisingly quick onslaught of rain.

"We need to protect the packs!" Beth yelled at him over the sound of rain plunking the trees and rocks around them. Rick groaned when he realized she was right. Sleeping in a damp sleeping bag in the cold weather was a great way to end up with hypothermia, which was literally the last thing they needed. Glancing at Beth's back, he knew they were too late. The rain had come too quickly, and they and their stuff were already soaked.

This made their next goal shelter. Tents wouldn't cut it tonight, since they were wet too. They needed to be indoors, out of the elements. Rick sighed, and he signaled to Beth to keep moving. They trudged through the trees, the rain unrelenting.

"Rick!" Rick startled as he heard Beth call to him, and she gestured a few meters in front of them, where two walkers shambled towards them. He dug for his knife, letting go of Beth's hand, and took off towards them at a run.

It occurred to Rick too late that running downhill through the mud was a large mistake. His boot slid in the mud that the rain had created, and he fell hard onto his back, a crack audible even over the rain. He heard Beth yell as a walker fell onto him, and Rick struggled to quickly grip his knife in the pouring rain. It slipped in his hand, and he held it at an angle just as the jaws reached his face. The knife sliced through the walker's mouth, removing the top part of its head from the rest of its body.

Rick pushed the walker off of him, and looked up to see a knife flying through the air, embedding itself in the second walker's skull.

He heard Beth running gingerly towards him, but he didn't dare move. Rick felt her hands ghost over his entire body, and chuckled while she frantically asked if he was alright.

Chuckling hurt.

"Where'd you learn to throw a knife like that?" Rick asked, a loud throbbing in his ears. He couldn't be sure if it was his adrenaline or the rain, but it was deafening. He vaguely heard Beth laugh as she pushed his wet hair off of his forehead.

"Didn't know I could. Had to try." She shrugged, and he couldn't help but roll his eyes. That was such a Beth thing to do. It takes everyone else months or training to be proficient with their weapons, but Beth out of nowhere decides she needs to throw her knife and she hits her target. "Don't you roll your eyes at me Rick Grimes, saved your life, didn't it? Now can you get up?"

Rick attempted to move, leaning up on his forearms. That he could do that at all told him that he doubted anything was broken, but the searing pain told him it wasn't great. He fell back slowly and groaned. The rain had abated somewhat, but the packs and their clothes were thoroughly soaked.

"The mud might make it easier to drag you this time." Beth winked at Rick, and he grunted in pain at the thought of being dragged. Beth gently touched his face, wiping a spot of mud off of him. "I was kidding. Think you can walk at all?"

Rick didn't relish the idea of walking in this much pain, but the alternative was literally laying here in the mud. He wouldn't be able to get very far, and he definitely wouldn't be able to carry the pack. He told Beth as much. She had nodded solemnly, and began eliminating everything non-essential. That meant one tent, one sleeping bag, and they lost a good chunk of the food, electing to keep all the weapons that they could instead. She folded up the second backpack and shoved it into her own.

They made a plan to continue down the hill, and into the first town they could find. If they were lucky, they would be able to find a house to hunker down in. If they were really lucky, maybe they would find a store where they could restock.

Rick struggled not to whimper as Beth helped him to his feet. He would never admit it, but he was horrified that he was appearing so weak to Beth. Not weak necessarily, but… _old_. Rick remembered his father having back issues before he died. Was he that old already? Beth didn't seem to mind, however. She easily pulled what Rick was sure was a much heavier backpack on to her, before bending down to help him up. Beth had wrapped Rick's arms around her neck and helped him get to his feet. They began walking and Rick tried not to let his pride get in the way as he leaned heavily on Beth's shoulder.

Beth didn't seem to struggle under his weight; the bigger concern was going downhill through mud. Their steps were unsteady and Rick was constantly reaching out towards a tree to steady them. It took the pair of them much longer than Rick would have liked to not only reach the foot of the hill, but to find any kind of former civilization.

Rick hated walking through towns now. The quiet unnerved him. Before the prison fell, he had grown accustomed to the ever prevalent moans of walkers as they pushed against the fence. That, coupled with being packed in with dozens of people - many of whom he didn't know or particularly like, although they all seemed to expect something from him- meant that silence was an extremely different sensation. They had literally walked into somebody's back yard through the woods, which meant trekking through an eerily quiet subdivision.

Beth had offered to break into one of the homes, clear it, and let him rest, but that wasn't what he wanted. It was only a couple of hours until sundown, and he desperately wanted to get Beth into some dry clothes before that happened. Yes, they could raid someone's closet, but Rick remembered the small incident that had happened last time they were in a house, and Beth was still walking around in someone else's clothes that didn't fit her. Rick would happily withstand a little more pain to get her something that made her feel good.

Rick was sure Beth was a cheerleader in high school based on the little pep talks she gave them as they walked. He didn't want to admit how adorable he found it that she was able to keep a constant stream of encouraging words going just so he could make it into town.

Rick sighed in relief when he realized how lucky they were; they had only walked a mile or two before they emerged from the subdivision and onto what had once been a main street in a reasonably sized town. The problem now was that reasonably sized towns also translated into moderate number of walkers. Rick shuddered at the thought of having to exert the energy to stop a walker with his knife, and guns were out of the question. He couldn't stand the idea of having Beth do all of the clearing, but he wasn't sure what choice he had.

To their immediate right was a gas station, but Rick didn't want to test that. It was high risk, low reward. Rick was confident people had rushed the gas stations when everything went down, which meant low supplies, smashed windows, and high concentration of walkers. Not something he was going to submit Beth to.

Down the road was a small strip mall, but none of the stores were particularly useful to them, though Beth joked about going to get her nails done. Across the street was a small general store, called Murray's. Rick was doubtful about how much actual food there would be; but he suspected it had clothes, and maybe even a small selection of bedding which meant a comfortable night if they could clear it.

Beth had agreed with his assessment, and with her help, Rick hobbled across the abandoned street towards the store. They both peered through the double doors, and upon seeing nothing, Beth carefully broke through the glass and unlocked the door.

"I really effing hate grocery stores." Beth sighed once they were inside the building, and Rick's stomach dropped. This store was wildly different from the other one, but he wished he had considered that it might have been difficult for Beth to return to a place as similar to the one as where she lost her best friend. Though, logically Rick knew that even if he had considered it, they would have needed to come here anyway.

The store had 20 long aisles, and Rick wearily offered to clear half, which only served to make Beth laugh. "Yeah right." Rick knew he looked abashed, and as he slid down the wall, finally getting off of his feet, Beth bent down to be eye to eye with him. "Rick, you've done so much. You've already saved my life what feels like a billion times, why don't you let me handle this one?"

Rick sighed, and reached up to tuck a loose yellow curl behind Beth's ear. "I'm pretty you've saved me a billion and one times, Beth. You don't owe me anything."

Rick's pulse raced as Beth leaned into his hand, and kissed his palm softly. "It ain't a competition, Rick." She whispered kindly. "Just let me take care of you while I can."

Rick nodded his acquiescence, but made a mental note to make it up to Beth somehow. Beth, ever the methodical one, started on aisle one, and Rick winced as he could hear her disposing of a walker. Rick couldn't help but think it was the worst feeling in the world to hear someone you loved fighting while you remained powerless.

He reassessed that declaration about twenty minutes later, when he heard Beth screaming his name.

**Hooray! As always, this took a little longer than I wanted because I got distracted writing something else. This is why I like to stick to one-shots, folks. But maybe by the time the next chapter is up, I'll have a behemoth of a new story for you guys to read.**

**I really really want to thank the people who take the time to review. I've started trying to respond to each of the reviews individually, so hit me with any questions you might have. If I missed responding to your review last time, I'm sorry I'm a terrible person, and you are well within your rights to publically flog me. **

**Thank you all again for reading! Stick around, 25 is a mile marker chapter.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25! I can't believe we made it here. Thank you all so much for the support, it keeps me going.**

**As always, I do not own the walking dead (Goddamit.)**

**Please, please enjoy!**

Rick's heart caught in his throat as he heard his name echo across the empty store. He panicked as he tried to figure out how to get to Beth. Standing up was going to be difficult enough; but running over there was going to be nearly impossible. As quickly as he could, Rick pulled himself along the floor to his left, where a shopping cart was turned over lazily against the wall. It took all of his strength to turn it upright, and use it to pull himself up. He was able to put a large amount of weight on it, and the wheels allowed him to move faster than he'd ever have been able to manage on his own two feet.

He pushed as solidly as he could with his legs, though his movements were jagged at best. When he finally reached the very last aisle where he had last heard Beth scream his name, she appeared, unscathed, staring at him confusedly.

"What are you doing?" she asked blankly, as she took in what he was sure was an odd posture. "I was coming to get you."

Rick was about to burst with frustration. He thought his weakness and injury was going to lose him Beth, and the whole time she was fine. "Why the hell did you yell Beth? Jesus Christ, you scared the hell out of me." Rick panted, and he watched her eyes soften.

"'M sorry. Just got excited." She answered softly, moving over to him. She took his arm, and swung it over her shoulders, letting him put his weight on her. "You're gonna like this. Trust me."

Rick sighed, and allowed Beth to usher him around the corner. He had thought that nothing he would see would take the edge off of the scare that Beth just gave him, but he was wrong.

It was a _bed_.

Rick watched as Beth practically danced next to him, and a noise that somewhat resembled a squeal escaped her throat. "It's one of those display beds to show off their bedding! It's shorter, but it's a bed!" she hugged his body to her, and Rick didn't know what relieved him more, seeing the bed, or seeing this much life in Beth again.

The two of them approached the bed almost reverently, and Rick pushed down on the dusty plaid blanket checking the bounce of the mattress. The bed stuck out of the corner, out of place among the destroyed shelves. Rick resisted the urge to fall backwards onto it and just live there for good.

"We actually got really lucky. A lot of stuff is destroyed, but not everything." Beth sighed, putting her hands on her hips. "Actually, the shelf that's in best shape is the one with some preserves on it, which is weird. This place doesn't really seem to have a lot of groceries. It's more like a general store. One stop shopping for farmers." She grinned at Rick, who was still speechless.

Beth lightly pushed on his arm. "Go on, try it out!" she encouraged, and Rick shook his head softly, trying to come back to life.

"Wet clothes." He muttered, gesturing to the jeans that even now clung to his body.

Beth frowned. "I need to go board up the doors. You can strip down and I'll bring you some clothes when I'm done. The clothes are only like an aisle away anyway."

Rick didn't bother trying to hide his smirk at Beth's blush. "How are you going to board up?" he asked, feeling nice enough to relieve her stress slightly.

"Like I said, it's like farmer's store in here. There's a whole aisle of building supplies. I was thinkin' I'd just nail in some 2x4s for now." She shrugged, still not making eye contact.

Rick reached out for her and nodded. "Good thinkin' Beth."

She smiled back at him, but quickly turned and left, leaving Rick to chuckle. Rick groaned as he began to strip the soaked clothes from his body. He hated the sensation of the water logged fabric clinging to his body, leaving a film of sogginess in its wake. He briefly considered falling backwards onto the bed, but opted instead to go explore the clothing aisle for himself. Rick leaned heavily again on his shopping cart, determined to not be an invalid who let Beth do everything for him.

Rick grabbed a kitchen towel hung on the end of an aisle and wiped himself down, relieved to feel dry, though the prune-y sensation was less attractive to him. Beth was right; the majority of the store was in decent shape, though there were several aisles turned over. He didn't explore very far before he found the clothing aisle that Beth identified.

Rick sighed happily, ignoring the twinge in his back as he pulled on some dark green boxer briefs, and some thick wool socks. There was no shortage of jeans to choose from, and Rick took his time finding a fit he preferred, as he listened to Beth's intense hammering behind him in the distance. Rick frowned as he realized the right size of jeans was much smaller than it used to be. They needed to make food a priority here too.

Rick pulled on a long sleeved white shirt, and then chased it with a blue plaid shirt. He didn't know why he had always favored plaid, but there wasn't a surplus of choices regardless. He also picked out a heavy duty camel colored coat for himself, and placed it in his cart.

Rick turned to leave, but when he noticed a pink plaid shirt on the floor, he reconsidered. He picked it up and shook it off, and he couldn't help but think how much it looked like Beth. He quickly added it to his cart, and began looking for other clean clothes for her. He had originally considered letting her get it herself –she knew her sizes better than he did, after all- but after all the effort she'd already exerted today, she had earned the right to crawl into bed as quickly as possible.

There weren't really women's clothes available, so instead he was opting for men's clothes in smaller sizes. There certainly weren't any women's undergarments, so he got the smallest size boxer shorts he could, and hoped that she wouldn't mind. There were actually a few women's jeans available, and he grabbed her a couple of size options with those. The rest he had to garner from the men's section, and he was sure she was too small for some of it. But they would be hers at least, and they would keep her warm, and at the end of the day, that's what mattered to him.

Rick thought that he had everything, and was grateful for the weight that was now in his cart. It meant it could counteract his weight, and help him balance. His back was screaming from the bending and lifting, and he was ready to head back. But he changed his mind when he saw a flash of brown and yellow in the corner of his eye.

He reverently lifted the box, and inside saw the perfect boots for Beth. They were a soft brown leather, with a small, delicate sunflower on the side. He didn't have the slightest idea if they were in her size, and as he searched frantically around he realized they were the only pair. Still, he had to get them to her.

Rick moved slowly back to the bed, and was fairly surprised that Beth hadn't returned yet. The hammering had stopped several minutes before, so he expected her to have found him at any time. As he waited, he carefully shook the dust out of the comforter on the bed.

"Mistake." He grumbled to himself as he back twanged in protest.

"I hope you don't mean bein' stuck with me." Beth smirked at him from the end of the aisle.

Rick smiled back at her as he tried to lower himself onto the bed. "Neve- OW." He groaned, as he felt his back object to his movements. He watched as Beth frowned and quickly closed the distance between them.

"Not feelin' any better?" she asked softly.

Rick chuckled contemptuously. "What gave it away?" he sighed, debating between rolling around in an attempt to get comfortable and lying very, very still.

He heard Beth sigh, but was shocked by her command. "Roll over."

"What?" he asked, shock threaded through his tone. Beth only responded by rolling her eyes.

"Just do it." She sighed again, spinning her finger in a circle, not leaving any room for discussion. He followed her command, grimacing through his pain the entire time.

Rick held his breath as Beth's cold fingers pushed up his shirt, and began careful ministrations on his aching muscles. "Ow, ow!" he winced, and as she softened her touch, his outbursts settled into something more resembling "ohhh…."

He heard her giggle quietly behind him and his groans, and he couldn't even summon the energy to tease her. His whole body was relaxing as she carefully kneaded his lower back.

"You act like you ain't ever had a massage before." She laughed, and Rick could hear the smile in her voice.

It took more effort than he would admit to even talk. "Not since Lori." He mumbled, and Beth's thumbs hardened on his muscles. She hummed thoughtfully above him, and he attempted to turn it around. "You're pretty good at that. Practice on Zach a lot did you?"

Rick had meant it as a joke, but he felt the start even in Beth's fingers.

"I _really_ hate grocery stores." He heard her sigh, and it was only then that he remembered that Beth's former boyfriend had died in a run with Daryl at a grocery store.

"Shit." Rick hissed, "I'm a right asshole, I'm so sorry Beth." His face contorted as he waited for her response. She would have been well within her rights to verbally lash out at him, but she remained silent above him, her fingers continuing to work his muscles.

"I'm just glad I got to know him, y'know?" she whispered, her voice taught with emotion.

Rick groaned as he rolled over, stopping her fingers, and sitting up to be eye to eye with her. "I do know, Beth. But that doesn't make it easy." He sighed, restraining his hands from reaching out and cupping her face, twirling her hair, or holding her hand. Instead, his gave shifted towards his own hands as he spoke the truth that had rattled around in his head for some time. "I don't know what I'd do with out you."

When Beth didn't say anything Rick allowed himself to rest his hand gently on her knee. He was met with her cold, water logged pant leg. "Christ, Beth, you need to change. You'll catch pneumonia if you stay in these." He quickly shooed her off the bed, in a move that he felt was a little more paternal than he would have liked. "I grabbed some stuff for you, it's in that cart." He added, pointing to the yellow cart that hugged the opposite end of the aisle.

Beth's eyes looked from him to the cart, contemplating its contents. She stood and walked towards it, cautiously pulling it closer to the bed. Rick watched in amused fascination as she first pulled out the jeans, selecting the pair in her size, and then as her eyes widened and she turned red at the selection of men's underwear.

Rick laughed, he couldn't help himself. "Sorry, that's all they had." He apologized, but he doubted how seriously she took it when he was still laughing. She only nodded, pulling out the plaid shirt he had salvaged with a small smile on her face, as well as socks, a clean undershirt, a sweater, and a coat. Her hand faltered as she reached for the shoe box that was nestled in the bottom of the cart. Rick watched her intently as she turned to face him, a question on her features.

Rick panicked, afraid she hated them. "I just saw those, and they kind of reminded me of what you used to wear. Back before… there's a sunflower on them. I don't know if you like sunflowers, but they're yellow, and they kind of remind me of you." Rick stuttered, as Beth walked towards him.

"I mean, your hair is yellow. And I thought they might fit. I hope they fit. It's the only-" Rick was cut off by Beth's chuckle as she sat next to him, kicking off the once white trainers that were too big for her feet. She peeled the wet gym socks off, and wrinkled her nose in disgust. Rick swallowed as she pulled on the boots, wiggling her toes in them, proving that they fit appropriately. Rick exhaled in relief, and was surprised when Beth flung herself at him, her arms wrapped around his neck in a feeling that was far too warm considering her frigid clothes.

"Thank you Rick." Beth breathed into his ear, causing goose bumps to riddle his skin. Rick wanted to tell her that it wasn't a problem; she surely would have found them herself, he just thought she would like them. He was just glad they fit, they looked great on her. All these thoughts floating around in his head, on the tip of his tongue, and he never said any of them, for the sole reason that Beth's lips had fluttered against his own in a soft kiss.

His eyes closed and the sensation was gone all too soon. He reached out for her, but grasped only air. His eyes opened, and he saw only the wisp of her ponytail disappearing around the corner, presumably to go change clothes.

Rick felt the need to chase after her, but swallowed the impulse. If Beth felt the need to leave, it was because she wanted to, and he'd be here waiting for her when she got back. Just like always.

**Yay stuff is happening!**

**It had to be Beth who made this first move, and I hope you guys are okay with it, because that's pretty much how it will have to be for the two of them. Rick is never going to push Beth. **

**I'm not super thrilled with this chapter, and its likely because it was originally much longer (sorry to those of you who like the long chapters!) but I chose instead to end it here. The missing scenes will show up next chapter. I just wanted some time to let this kiss sink in. So if it feels a little truncated to you (like it does to me) that's why. **

**For the record, Beth has shown moments of impulsiveness on the show, but I think this Beth, with what she's been through is much more methodical and careful. That kiss wasn't a passing fancy, but more of that next chapter, which is from her POV.**

**Thank you all again for the reviews- you don't know how happy they make me. I'll continue to respond to each one, as I like the dialogue between writer and reader. So don't be afraid to throw in things you like or don't like, or things you hope to see. No promises, but you never know!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Ok, in my defense in the last month, I've had to go across country on a business trip, deal with a -shall we say- less than savory employee, and oh yeah, move! So its been a busy month. But I'm back with a new chapter. Huzzah!**

**To make up for the delay, this chapter is fluff on top of fluff, coated with a nice even layer of fluff, with a big cherry fluff on top.**

**As always, I don't own the walking dead.**

Beth rolled her neck from side to side as she tugged her new shirt over her head. The soreness she felt throughout her body was nothing but a distraction from the pounding of her heart in her ears. It wasn't that she hadn't meant to kiss Rick Grimes; she had very much meant to. The moment she saw the boots, it had been decided in her head. Watching his blue eyes trace her movements, and hearing him ramble nervously only sealed the deal in her mind. There wasn't really any question that Rick cared about her- no, more than cared about her. He had been patient with her, protective of her, and had even found ways to make her laugh when there was nothing at all in her life to laugh about. Her feelings were a little less clear, but in that moment, she knew she wanted to kiss Rick.

So she had.

It had been quick- too quick. It was only a gentle touch of their lips together really. It was beyond chaste, to any random passing walker, it would have looked like a thank you-friendship kind of kiss. Beth might have convinced herself that's what it was, save for the feeling in her stomach at that very moment. Beth pulled her pink plaid button up over her white undershirt and begrudgingly identified the sensation as butterflies.

Beth allowed herself a minute. She wrapped her arms around herself and sank down to the floor, her head falling back against a shelf. She was determined not to over think this. If Rick had been angry, he would have said something, and there had been blissful silence since she had all but run away from him. She knew Rick wasn't angry, but more than that she knew that was what he had wanted. Now the question was what she wanted. She wasn't ready to plan out their future just yet, but she admitted to herself with a heavy sigh that being next to him, and tasting him, and feeling him…. Well, it all felt damn good. That was enough for now.

Beth chewed on her pinkie nail as she stared at a crushed can of whole kernel corn in front of her. The label had pulled back from the can, and was torn while the can itself was dented. She reached out with her foot, and rolled it towards her. It was still good. It was still corn, at least. That made dinner easy. She rolled the can between her hands, letting her fingers run over the rough edges that were covered with a thin film of dust. She sighed, and wiped the dust on her new jeans. The irony wasn't lost on her that she had just sullied the only clean thing she owned.

Beth groaned as she stood up, and stared at the blood caked beneath her nails. There wasn't much she could do about that at the moment, unfortunately. Even if there had been a handy shower nearby, she had now taken about half an hour to change clothes, which she knew was ridiculous, but more importantly, she knew Rick would know it was ridiculous as well. It was time for her to suck it up and go back.

She walked slowly down the aisle, her hand dragging along the dust filled shelves. The grime flew into the air, cascading through the sunlit room, and tickling her nose. She smiled as she peeked around the corner to see Rick lying on the bed. He was humming to himself, and reading what appeared to be the back of a box of laundry detergent. His foot was tapping the air to the somewhat offbeat rhythm of his song.

Beth walked quietly up behind him, and reached out to him. She had meant to just gently touch his shoulder, but instead found her hands threading though his dark curls.

"'M afraid I don't know that song." She laughed softly, as he turned his full attention to her with a brilliant, if not cheeky, grin.

"I refuse to believe you don't know the Eagles." Rick held out his hands in mock offense. He turned slowly with a grimace, making room for her on the bed, before taking in her new outfit. "Pink suits you, Beth."

If Beth hadn't known better, she would have thought that the color on his cheeks somewhat matched the color he had complimented. "Don't think you can change the subject, and make me forget how out of tune you were." She added, before gently lowering herself onto the bed next to him, as not to hurt his back.

Rick scoffed, and Beth held her breath as his arm snaked around her, and pulled her close to him. "First time I'm hearin' you complain about my singin.'" He smirked, and Beth swallowed roughly.

"I brought corn." She stuttered suddenly, pulling slightly away from him, and Rick quirked an eyebrow up at her.

"Corn?"

Beth produced the can from her grasp, her thumb sweeping across the label, removing another vestige of dust. "Corn."

Rick took the can from her gingerly, and inspected it slowly, seemingly trying to deduce that it was, in fact, corn. Apparently satisfied, his eyes flicked up to hers again. "I like corn."

"Good."

"Good."

Beth sighed, and Rick laughed. "What do you reckon, the most times corn has been said in a 20 second interim?" Beth shrugged, not even attempting to hide the way her eyes stared at the ceiling in a silent prayer to whatever deity might be listening to just go ahead and kill her now if she was always going to be this awkward. This, however, just produced a harder laugh from Rick.

Rick groaned suddenly, and grasped at his back, while Beth nodded triumphantly. "Do you see what you get when you laugh at me?" she glared at him, but he only arched, attempting to stretch his back.

"It's not my fault the faces you mare are so damn cute." Before Beth had timed to be horrified –yet pleased- at that assertion, he handed the corn back to her. "You cut it open. I can't assert any kind of force, lest my back break in two."

Beth couldn't help but grin. She loved Rick's dry sense of humor. People who didn't know him would never have any clue he was making a joke half the time. The other half he gave away by a slight twitch of his lips, a look that, even Beth had to admit, was easily swooned over.

She sighed dramatically, just to see him smile again, but then proceeded to reach for her knife, and carefully cut the lid off of the corn. They ate in relative silence, but just as often as Beth felt Rick's eyes on her, she caught herself tracing the little lines of juice that trickled down his hands.

"What are you thinkin' about so hard over there?" He broke the silence, and Beth took a moment to compose herself.

"Just Maggie." She partially lied. It wasn't completely inaccurate; these days it felt like every thought she had was informed by her sister. She had more than once thought about what Maggie would think about how close she and Rick had become. Beth smiled knowing Maggie would probably put her hands on her hips and lecture Rick for a while.

Beth's attention turned back to Rick who had paled suddenly. "I know how you feel." He added succinctly.

They didn't say anything else; they didn't need to. Both of them had discussed this before, and knew how relatively lucky they had been. Even as bad as they had it, at least they had each other. They both knew what kind of things were out there, even worse than Joe. Beth spared a moment to be grateful that Rick had at least relayed to her that The Governor was dead. At least Maggie and Carl wouldn't have to worry about someone with a vendetta chasing them. Beth scowled as she thought about the fact that there was once a time when she pitied the Governor. But that time had come and gone when he beheaded her father.

Beth gently placed her sticky hand on Rick's, and he smiled wanly at her. The sun had been setting during their dinner, and the last vestiges of purple sun had begun to fade, yielding only darkness.

"What do you think, bed?" Rick whispered roughly, the worry evident in his voice. Beth nodded silently, and gripped his hand, as he let his weight fall on her as he shuffled down the bed with a groan. They turned towards each other at the same moment.

Beth felt Rick's heavy breathing on her skin. His face was close to hers as he carefully placed his hand on the small of her back. Beth allowed him to pull her flush against him, causing her breath to stutter in her throat. Quite without her permission, Beth's hand fell to Rick's waist, her fingers carefully investigating the thin patch of skin that was exposed when his shirt came untucked from his jeans. His skin was hot to the touch, and he jerked slightly at the contact.

They're mouths hovered over each other, and they were locked in that stasis for a long time- almost, but not kissing. Beth felt Rick harden against her, and she couldn't deny that her body had a similar response. But it was still enough to jolt her into reality, and she pulled away from him slowly.

Beth heard the soft sigh leave Rick's throat, but was relieved to hear it wasn't one of anger, merely frustration at the sudden loss. He rolled slowly onto his back, and then pulled Beth into his chest.

"Rick?" Beth was surprised at the softness in her own voice.

"Hmm?" Beth chuckled to herself at the sound of his half asleep musing, but continued on.

"That song you were singin' earlier? Could you sing some more? It helps me sleep I think." Beth felt Rick's chest reverberate against her body in his throaty chuckle.

Beth played with the button on his shirt absent mindedly as he kissed the top of her head. "I thought you didn't like my singin'?" he teased, and Beth rolled her eyes, a gesture she was sure he could see even in the dark. But he didn't wait for an answer, just softly sang the words in the dark.

_I was standing  
All alone against the world outside  
You were searching  
For a place to hide  
Lost and lonely  
Now you've given me the will to survive  
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive_

_Don't you worry_  
_Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride_  
_The world is changing_  
_Right before your eyes_

_Now I've found you_  
_There's no more emptiness inside_  
_When we're hungry, love will keep us alive_

_I was standing_  
_All alone against the world outside_  
_You were searching_  
_For a place to hide_  
_Lost and lonely_  
_Now you've given me the will to survive_  
_When we're hungry, love will keep us alive_  
_When we're hungry, love will keep us alive_  
_When we're hungry, love will keep us alive_

Beth sighed contentedly as the words lulled her eyes. She was just now realizing how tired she was. It had been days since she'd really slept, and Rick's soft baritone meant she was falling asleep feeling safe, warm, and loved.

/

Beth woke with a start, unsure of what exactly had woken her. It was not unusual for even the smallest of noises to jerk her awake in the apocalypse, but the thrumming of her heart told her it had been something much more momentous. Still, Rick slept soundly, unmoved by whatever had alerted her.

Her eyes darted around the black room, even as she reached for her gun. Her hair had fallen out of its trademark ponytail in her sleep, resulting in wild curls that blocked her vision. She quickly wiped them out of her face, before aiming into the darkness with her gun.

A sudden creek brought her up to her knees, her gun swinging around the room looking for her target.

"Beth?"

**You guys scared the hell out of me last week. Usually the bulk of my reviews come within roughly 48 hours of posting, but at that benchmark for last chapter I had one. And that was after the first kiss! I had a mini meltdown. But the normal amount of reviews trickled in, and I was grateful for each and every one so I thank you all again!**

**I hesitate to give a timetable on the next chapter, because its kind of a benchmark chapter, and I want it to be done right. But I'll try to be reasonable. Thank you all for continuing to read and review! How fitting is that Eagles song, huh?**


	27. Chapter 27

**This chapter is a tiny bit shorter, but I wanted to get it out for you guys. I would have had this out Friday, but my phone has just decided to stop charging, which is super cool. Which means I only really get to write when I have free time at work (hahahahaha). **

**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy.**

**I don't own the walking dead, or Rick, or Beth, all of which blows.**

Even in the dark, the tall –taller than she remembered- boy stood out to her. His freckles splayed across his nose, standing out against his paling skin. He shook his floppy brown hair out of his eyes as his smile broke through his surprise and he began to advance toward her slowly.

Beth reached down, keeping her eyes on him, and shook Rick's shoulder gently with her hand. The man groaned, but instinctively grabbed her hand and snuggled it.

"Rick." She hissed, causing his eyes to open. Beth watched as his eyes struggled to focus, and his hand, still clinging to her own, tremored in realization.

"Carl?" his voice broke, and Beth felt his hand slip away as he fell out of the bed. She reached forward to steady him, and Carl rushed forward to him, grabbing his father, worried about the pain he obviously felt.

Carl tried to ask Rick what was wrong with him, but Rick's sobs as he clung to his son were overwhelming any other noise. Beth's hands withdrew to herself, a stranger to the intimate proceedings between father and son.

Beth turned away, as a whirlwind of mixed feelings swirled in her gut. Happiness, of course, was prevalent, thrilled at last to see Rick have his son back. But there was also jealousy, as she wondered just how long it would be before she got a similar reunion with her sister, if she ever got one. Additionally, there was another emotion swirling in her gut; one that she desperately acted to ignore- Fear. She worried that this was going to be the end of whatever familiarity that she and Rick had built. But she swallowed that down, as she prayed for Rick's tears to subside.

Beth hadn't heard Rick like this since Lori died. It was more of a wail than a cry and it was tearing her apart, just like it had then. She remembered seeing Maggie emerge, blood covered and baby in her arms, and it took her a moment to process what she was seeing. There was a baby, but no Lori. It had been Lori who had held her hand and tried to protect her when she was at her lowest; Lori, who had been the surrogate mother to the group even when Rick, the proverbial father, barked at them when they were on the road. Losing her felt like a punch in the gut, to the entire group.

But to no one more than Rick. And for a while, the group lost him, too.

It was almost a relief, then, that his wails were not of anguish this time, but reprieve and joy. The lump in Beth's throat grew large until she could ignore it no longer, and her tears joined the pair of boys in front of her.

"Jesus Christ, I let you go in first, and you get everyone crying."

Beth's head whipped around to see Michonne standing there, her hands on her hips, and her katana sheathed on her back.

Beth smirked, happy to see the woman alive and well. She vaguely heard Carl chuckle behind her as Michonne crossed past her with a wink, and put her hand on Rick's shoulder.

"You're really going to have to dry up man, you're embarrassing yourself." She teased Rick, and the man guffawed, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Rick stood with not a small amount of effort, groaning and wincing. Beth noticed the dark look of worry pass on Carl's face as he helped his father to his feet, but Rick only smiled at him.

"Sorry you're dad's an old man, son." He said, ruffling his old hat on his son's head. Carl rolled his eyes, but Rick's attention had already turned to Michonne.

"And you… you protected my son. Kept him safe. How can I ever thank you?" He intoned, throwing his arms around the woman's neck, causing her to start in surprise, before she softened, and returned his affection.

Their hug had blocked Beth's exit from the bed, where she was still on her knees, gun in hand. She sighed, and worked her way around them. "I'm going to go fix the barricade." She mumbled, backing slowly out of the emotion fraught room.

/

Beth kicked the makeshift barrier she had made, feeling beyond stupid that it had failed so miserably to keep anyone out. Even though it had turned out to be a positive, she had to admit it wounded her pride a bit. In her defense, Carl had to weigh like 90 pounds soaking wet. If she were being honest, when she pictured people trying to get through her barricade, she pictured Joe, who was probably two and a half times that.

Sure enough, Beth saw the plywood that Carl had taken down from the inside, allowing Michonne to get in. She wondered what possessed them to come in here. Sure, it just so happened it was them, but wasn't it just as likely a sizable –armed- group was parked in here as well? And Carl was on his own- what could they be thinking?

"Hey." Beth turned and saw Michonne, gently cleaning her sword, and Beth rolled her eyes.

"Do you have to sneak up on people?" she shuddered, hating that being surprised like that affected her so much.

Michonne sheathed her sword on her back. "Sorry. My spirit animal is a cat. One who really, really misses chocolate." She sighed, and Beth grinned, and cocked her head.

"I might be able to help with that."

Michonne's face lit up, and Beth tilted her head in a silent request for Michonne to follow her. The two women wandered down a turned over aisle.

"Hold this." Beth muttered, handing a surprised Michonne her gun. Beth began to carefully crawl under the shelf as she searched for her goal.

"Beth!" Michonne hissed as Beth disappeared underneath the shelf. "That thing could fall on you!"

Beth rolled her eyes, even as she dug around beneath the angled shelf. "It's a shelf, not a mountain." She mumbled, even as she found exactly what she had been looking for. She shuffled backwards as she emerged from the shelf, with a full box of big cat chocolate bars in hand.

"I thought I had spotted that earlier when I was clearing the place, but I had other stuff to take care of." Beth shrugged, as she opened the box, and offered one of them to Michonne.

Michonne's eyes were wide as she reverently grasped the silver wrapped bar from Beth's grasp. "What in the world could possibly be more important than chocolate?" she whispered, slowly peeling the bar open.

Beth laughed, even as she recalled how worried she had been leaving Rick behind as she cleared the store. Having to separate from him, even just to clear the store, had made a knot in her gut appear, and caused her move quickly, desperate to return to his side. She wondered now just how different things would be.

Beth was distracted easily, however, by Michonne's noisy eating. Every bite, chew, and lick was punctuated with a moan, or a gasp, or what sounded like a whispered prayer to god. It made her laugh, and it relaxed her, even as she picked into a bar herself.

Beth let the chocolate melt in her mouth, the caramel inside swirling into an irresistible cocktail of decadence that Beth endeavored to savor. But like most things lately, she felt removed from it; like it wasn't herself experiencing it. She frowned as she wrapped the wrapper back around it, barely touched.

Michonne stared at her like she'd grown an extra limb. Beth just smiled sadly, avoiding direct eye contact. "Gotta save some for the boys." She shrugged. Michonne nodded, but Beth could easily tell she was unconvinced, her skepticism written all over her face.

"So… it was you Rick went back to get?" Michonne asked slowly, and Beth wrinkled her brow.

"What do you mean?" she asked tersely, wrinkling the wrapper between her fingers, in an unsuccessful attempt at nonchalance.

Michonne attempted to catch her eye. "At the prison… Carl, Rick, and I were together and were going to leave when he heard someone. He couldn't be convinced to not go back for whomever it was… I guess it was you."

Beth's nose wrinkled as she tried to ward off the emotions at the revelation. "He just told me you guys got separated." She murmured slowly.

Michonne snorted unceremoniously. "He would say that. The man has a serious hero complex."

Beth laughed at that, even as her brain supplied all of the evidence that her assertion was undeniably correct. Her laughter settled as Michonne's chewing subsided, and a fraught silence fell between them.

"What happened to you guys?" Beth asked quietly, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Michonne shrugged, as she sucked the melted chocolate off of her thumb. "We went to the store, where Rick told us to meet. There were some guys following us, so we didn't stay long."

Beth swallowed, wondering if it had been Joe. Beth knew that Michonne noticed the change in her demeanor by the way her head cocked, but she mercifully only continued with her story. "We've pretty much just been walking in circles. We didn't want to get too far from Rick. From you guys." She gestured towards Beth. "Been hungry, had a couple of close calls with some walkers, but we made it."

Beth watched as Michonne's eyes narrowed on her, and her mind raced as she searched for any possibly answer to the question she knew was coming; the one she had no answer for.

"What about you guys?"

Beth smiled wanly at Michonne, as her eyes looked anywhere but the other woman's. The longer she paused to speak, the more she knew Michonne would worry, assume, and judge. But Beth wasn't ready to tell what really happened. She wasn't ready to s hare this with anyone but Rick.

"Beth?"

Both women's attention turned to the sound of Rick calling her name.

"Beth?" he called again, and Rick appeared, shuffling down the hallway as quickly as his obvious pain would allow, with Carl hot on his heels.

"I told you she was fine, dad." Carl huffed, crossing his arms.

"Jesus, Beth I didn't know where you went. You scared the hell out of me." He sighed, reaching for her.

Beth took his hand and stood up, and winked at Carl. "He's right, I'm fine. Just wanted to check the barricade some snot nosed brat broke through."

"Was no one worried about me?!" Michonne teased, as she crossed her arms, and pouted lightly. Beth pretended not to notice the suspicious glance she tossed between her and Rick, even as Beth tried to stealthily remove her hand from Rick's.

Carl rolled his eyes. "Michonne, jesus, you've got chocolate all over your face, the least you could do is share." He started towards her, and Michonne jerked the box back towards her body, standing up and taking off with her bounty.

"NO! It's mine!" she screeched, as Carl chased after her. Rick chuckled beside her as he subtly pulled her to him. Beth sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.

**I don't love this chapter, there was so much I wanted to convey, I think I got lost in my own mythos a little. I'll work on it. Any criticism, constructive or otherwise, is always welcome. Thank you to all the people who take the time to review, it really does keep me writing. **

**So obviously things are going to have a little bit of a different dynamic from now on, and I'll spend some time with Rick next chapter so you'll be able to see what both parties are thinking. Look forward to sharing with you guys!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Thank you guys so much for sticking with me! This one's a little shorter again, but next chapter is longer to make up for it. (It's already written! Can you believe that?!) **

**As always, I don't own The Walking Dead. However, The Schwalking Shwead starring Mick and Tess is all mine.**

Rick had stolen Michonne's katana. He knew this was a bad idea, but he was finding it difficult to care in this particular moment. A gun was too impersonal for what he needed to do, and a knife too ineffective. She would give him hell for it later, but for now, getting out was what mattered.

He'd been walking for a while now, looking for the trees. The town was too quiet, there was nothing left. It was walkers he wanted, and walkers he needed for the first time since he had learned what they were. The sun was beating on him, making him hot, but the wind whipped around him, making his ears, nose, and fingers feel like ice.

It had started so good, everything was in place. They had decided as a group to stay at the store for a couple of days to let him heal up. His back was a mess, but it got better every day they were there. He had seen it then though; he hadn't been able to identify it for what it really was, but he had seen the twinge on Beth's features. The lie in her smile when she agreed they should stay.

Then of course there were the nights. Crawling out of the bed he shared with his son, because Beth and Michonne were too stubborn to take it, towards Beth's small mewls. They didn't wake anyone else up, but he knew the sounds, and when he was next to her, he knew by the way her face contorted what she was dreaming about. He'd take her hand, and she'd wake up with a gasp. Her eyes would settle on his face, and she would nod at him, in one part thanks, and one part reassurance that she was okay. Rick would nod back in acknowledgment of all this, but he never moved. He always just held her until she fell back asleep, or until the sun started coming up, whichever came first. Then he would crawl back to his bed like nothing had ever happened.

And neither of them ever said anything.

Because they couldn't talk about it, could they? Rick growled to himself as he marched through the trees. He couldn't just come right out and say, "Hey. Beth. I'm super into you. That time you kissed me? I was pretty sure I was going to die. Now when you're not next to me, I feel wrong. I feel like I've lost a limb. I don't want that, not ever. I want you, always. That ok?" No, that would be too easy. It had to be all drawn out stares across the room, and avoiding Michonne's watchful eye.

Because they hadn't talked about it before, either. If there had been a verbal agreement before the others had arrived, a spoken "yes let's do this thing" between the two of them. In fact, the more Rick thought about it, the more he wondered if Beth DID want to, in fact, 'do this thing.' She had kissed him, yes, and taken the comfort that he offered, but he also knew that she was hurting. And he was the only one there. So maybe he was just there to serve as her comfort, and she never took it nearly as seriously as he did.

Now there were other people. Now she could have Michonne for comfort if she needed it. Another woman surely would understand better than he would anyway.

He hated that thought.

Luckily it coincided with his entrance into the woods. He gripped Michonne's katana with both hands as he sliced through every walker he could find.

"_Are you going to let me cut your hair?" Beth hummed, as she ruffled Carl's hair, knocking his hat off kilter._

"_Don't mess with the hat, Beth!" Carl snickered, pushing her hands away. "I don't seeing you bothering dad about how long his hair is." He groaned, trying to turn Beth's attention off of him._

_Rick watched as if in slow motion as Beth turned on her heels to face him. Her eyes appraised him, slicing through him. _

"_Hmmmm." She pondered, and Rick narrowed his eyes on his son, who was sticking his tongue out at him. Beth approached him, and ran a hand through his hair slowly, carefully. "It is different, though isn't it? His hair curls the longer it gets, so it never really looks any longer." She sighed, twirling a curl on her finger, even as Rick held his breath._

_Rick swallowed loudly, and Beth's eyes flickered from his hair to his eyes, which were watching her hungrily. She smiled softly at him._

"_I brought breakfast!" Michonne beamed as she turned the corner, already digging her fingers into a can of something. She pulled out a big slice of peach and dropped it into her mouth. "Mmm… I just love peaches, don't you?"_

_The change was instantaneous, and Rick was unprepared. Beth's eyes hardened immediately as she fell to the floor. She backed into the nearest corner and hugged her knees to her as she tried to catch her breath. _

_Rick knew what was happening, he had seen her go through it before. He tried to reach for her hand, but she didn't want it. Her eyes were clenched shut, and she was gasping for breath with such an alarming ferocity that Rick was truly worried for her._

"_What's wrong with her?" Carl asked behind him, as he walked up and crouched next to Beth. "You're fine Beth, just take a deep breath." He said to her, and Rick tried to avoid rolling his eyes._

_Michonne ended up on the other side of him, analyzing Beth, trying to figure out what had happened. "You guys need to back up, you're not helping. Give her space." Rick whispered to the two of them, and they obeyed, with a look cast between each other._

"_Breathe with me Beth, come on." Rick whispered to her, trying to take deep breaths to make her breathe with him. But this was worse than what he'd seen before. He gently placed a hand on her knee, and her eyes snapped open, her blue irises on fire._

"_Don't touch me!" she screamed, and she was on her feet and out of the aisle before Rick even knew how to react._

_As soon as he had processed her movements, he was vertical, about to go after her, but Michonne's strong hand on his shoulder stopped him._

"_Let me." She whispered, dropping her weapons onto the bed, and walking slowly after Beth._

_Rick's emotions swirled within him, each fighting for domination. Worry was strong, but so was anger. He was just trying to help, and she had pushed him away and looked at him like… like he was… Didn't she know by now that he would never hurt her?_

"_I'm going outside." He mumbled to a confused and dazed Carl. Rick grabbed Michonne's katana off of the bed and headed outside._

Rick could feel blood splattering on his face as he worked his way through the walkers around him. He hated Michonne. He hated her for being what Beth needed. He hated himself for not being what Beth needed. He hated Beth for being what he needed. He wished that Michonne and Carl had never found them in the first place. It should have just been the two of them.

In the back of his mind, the small rational part of Rick's mind reminded him that he knew none of that was true. He ignored it for the moment, however, as he handled every walker that dared approach him. He savored the twisting pull of the muscles in his back, not caring if he aggravated his injury or not. He cherished the sun beating on him, and the sweat that dripped down his neck as he exerted himself too far.

He wanted to feel this pain, this hurt. He felt like he deserved it, because he had failed Beth. He had failed to be enough for her.

The walkers were gone too soon.

Rick's back slid down the trunk of a tree, the bark scratching at his back. His labored breath only reminded him of Beth's panic attack, and he wiped the blood and sweat out of his eyes in disgust. Reality set in on him, and he almost laughed at how ridiculous his train of thought had become. Did his worry for Beth really consume him like that?

He needed this. He needed the fresh air. He needed to be away from Michonne's eagle eye, Carl's youthful obliviousness, and Beth's intoxicating influence. He needed to have a moment, just to breathe.

When had this started? When had everything he was become so encapsulated by Beth? It wasn't a bad thing. She made him better; he always felt more at ease around her than he ever had in his life. She made him want to be braver, better for her. But at the same time, she scared the hell out of him. He hadn't felt this tied to human being since Carl had been born. When Carl was born, everything that he did was for him. He was the reason why he and Lori finally got married, and he moved out of the dank apartment he had shared with Shane for 4 years. Carl was his life.

Rick wiped Michonne's katana on his jeans that had been clean and new only a few days before. He knew what was really the issue, and it wasn't Beth. It was him. When they were in a group, Rick was the de facto leader; it wasn't what he had wanted or bargained for, but everyone instinctually looked to him, and he lead. He never had to do that with Beth; hell, it was never even discussed. They just worked as a team. Now Michonne and Carl were back, and they would be looking for the rest of the group soon.

Rick was afraid, that was true enough. But it wasn't of his feelings for Beth. It was his feelings for himself. Would he be allowed to be who he was with Beth? Would she even want him if he couldn't be?

Rick gripped his hair in his blood stained hands, and pulled his locks, letting out a frustrated yell. It was too much. Every day it was too much. Michonne and Carl were barely back, and he was already frustrated at all the people around him, no matter how much he loved them. He had to get out of his own head, and he had an idea on how to do it, but he didn't know if he'd be able to make it work.

Rick hoped Beth would go for it.

**I fully admit this is a transition chapter. Rick needed some catharsis for all the crap that's rattling around in his head. Plus, I absolutely promise, its setting up for bigger and better things... that last line was your hint. :)**

****THIS IS A PSA: Does the slow burn romance of Burden and Bury have you down? Are you ready for them to just shut up and do it already? Why not go check out the author's new one shot, "Hot and Cold"? Its pure Rick and Beth smut, and nothing else! Go read and review!****

**I'm in a weird mood today. I'm sorry.**

**EDIT: My husband said I should explain the peaches thing. What Michonne said was a direct quote from Billy, with the peaches and all that. Which is of course what sent her spiraling into a panic attack. He said he hadn't remembered that, which offends me greatly, even though that chapter was eons ago.**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hi, thank you guys for reading! I like this chapter... hope you guys do too!**

**I don't own the Walking Dead. **

"'_M sorry, Beth."_

_Beth shrugged as Daryl leaned against her cell door. It wasn't like she was surprised that things had gone wrong on the run. It seemed like they always did. And Zach wasn't exactly the most trained person who had gone. Beth felt frustration bubble in her stomach –again- at the realization that she was relegated to babysitter instead of helping on runs._

"_I'm just glad I got to know him, I guess." She sighed, and Daryl frowned at her._

_She smiled sadly at him. "I don't cry anymore, Daryl."_

_Daryl scoffed so loudly it reverberated off the walls of her cell. "That's bullshit, Beth."_

_Her eyes flicked up at him, as she pretended to busy herself with picking up her cell. _

"_You can't do that, Beth. You can't shut down like that." Daryl whispered at her, clutching the strap of his crossbow that hung around his chest. His thumbnail picked at a fresh stain of blood, and he rolled his shoulders back, as if trying to shake off the sensation of having feelings. "You don't wanna end up like me, kid."_

_Beth rolled her eyes as she crossed the room to him, pulling him into an awkward hug. "You're not so bad." She jested, and he huffed._

"_I'm jaded, cranky, and alone, and it's my own doing, because I push people away. I really don't want that for you, Beth. " He muttered, and she echoed his earlier scoff. _

"_I take offense to that, Mr. Dixon." She gasped dramatically, holding her hand to her chest in mock outrage. "You'd make a lady think you don't enjoy her company."_

"_Pfft." Daryl grunted, and lightly pushed her shoulder, sending her back into her cell. "You know what I mean. You're the light everyone looks to around here. It'd be a damn shame if you shut that off."_

_Beth nodded, as she sat on her bunk. As much as it bothered her to admit it, she knew Daryl had a point. Pretending she didn't feel anything wasn't going to help her not feel anything. She sighed as a few memories of Zach came unbidden to her mind. No, he hadn't been a soul mate or anything, but he was a good guy and he didn't deserve to die; especially not a violent death like that. Despite herself, Beth choked on a sob in her throat, and she heard Daryl groan._

"_Jesus, Beth. You're killin' me." _

_Beth laughed softly, even as she wiped a tear from her eye. She heard Daryl grunt in complaint, loudly and long, before finally coming to his decision. "Alright, scoot over."_

"_Really!?" Beth gasped, as she scooched to the edge of the bed against the wall._

"_Best not ask twice." Daryl said, narrowing his eyes on her. He lowered his crossbow to the ground, and kicked off his boots before crawling in bed next to her. She settled her head into his chest, and he pinched the bridge of his nose._

"_Fuck, Beth, your daddy would kill me if he saw us like this. He'd shoot first and ask questions later."_

_Beth laughed, unfazed by his discomfort. "You're just more worried that Tyreese will see you in here and get the wrong idea." She teased, kicking him under the blanket._

"_Shut your damn mouth."_

Beth's lungs felt like they were on fire. Like she was drowning, and water was filling her lungs. Running across the store didn't help. She was so tired of this. She was so tired of not having any control over her own body, over her own mind. Peaches were so seemingly innocuous, but all they did was remind her of Billy, and the things she had done. The things she had done to survive. Now, as she clutched at her chest begging the god she no longer believed in for breath, she wondered if it had been worth it.

In the periphery of her vision she saw Michonne approach her. She didn't want to be touched. She couldn't stand it. She needed space, and even when it was Rick, the only human alive that she trusted, it felt like a thousand knives piercing where he touched her.

Thankfully Michonne didn't touch her. She sat across from Beth and only regarded her as Beth struggled for air. Beth didn't appreciate the audience, but didn't have the ability to ask her to leave, nor to run again. Beth only tried to focus on her breathing, and ignore Michonne. She buried her head in her arms, as she made herself as small as possible, trying to name every color she knew in her mind as a distraction.

Eventually her breathing regulated somewhat and tears of relief pricked at her eyes. What she never knew about panic attacks was how much they hurt. It felt like an elephant sitting on your chest, and your whole body aches from fighting itself.

"You good?" Michonne asked brashly, and Beth's eyes flashed at her. Michonne held up her hands in a mock surrender. "Don't look at me like that. It's just a question."

Beth sighed, and stretched her legs out in front of her, rubbing her temples with her fingers.

"You gonna tell me what's going on?" Michonne asked. Despite the roughness of her words, her tone was a gentle plea that Beth considered before shaking her head slowly.

Michonne sighed and nodded before walking over to Beth and slinging an arm around her shoulders. "I probably know anyway, don't I?"

Beth hesitated to answer that. Michonne could be imagining any of a thousand things, but it was hard to imagine she could concoct something worse than what had actually happened. But it had at least ended before it… well. It shockingly could have been worse.

"Pretty close." She finally admitted slowly, and Michonne scowled next to her.

"Does Rick know?" she probed gently, and Beth nodded slowly, tears threatening to spill out. It was bad enough that she had to deal with this, but the worst part was that she had to drag Rick through it too. She saw in his eyes how much he hurt for her, how desperately he wanted to take her pain away, but was powerless to do so. The thought sent her spiraling downwards, and sobs wracked her body.

Michonne pulled Beth close to her with a painful sigh. "I know. I get it." She whispered. "Things that happen in this world… they change you. And it's so easy to hurt the people you love the most while you fight with it. I can tell you that first hand."

Beth looked up at Michonne with a question in her eyes that was answered with a sad smile. "I don't like talking about it either. But I will say that I had a family when this started. A husband. A son. Both of them are gone now." She sighed, and stared out away from Beth's gaze, a smile playing on her features as she remembered her family gone bye.

"You know what I was like when I found the prison. Cold, bitter, angry. Rightfully so, I think. Someday I'll tell you and you'll agree I think. But I wasn't hurting anyone but myself. And I honestly think," her voice broke at the memory, "it's the reason why my best friend is dead."

The memory of Andrea floated through Beth's mind. The memories of people they had lost were overpowering her psyche. Andrea stood out among them, however. Andrea had saved her life back on the farm. She was the strongest woman Beth had ever known. Michonne had saved Andrea's life after the prison fell, and they disagreed about staying in Woodbury, and it tore them apart. Michonne had found the prison, and after some issues, had joined their family. But they lost Andrea in the process. Beth had no idea Michonne blamed herself for that, because there was no reason to. The look of incredulousness Beth tossed to Michonne conveyed her opinion on the matter clearly even though she said nothing.

"I know, I know." Michonne sighed, "but it's how I feel. I couldn't communicate how I felt about her and the situation. I just brooded and ran, and at the end of the day, she was dead."

Michonne removed her arm from around Beth, and held her hands out empty in front of her. "What I'm trying to say is I know this stuff is all consuming. Just… do your best not to block out the people you love." She finished, casting a meaningful look at Beth.

Beth blushed, but nodded, her meaning not lost on her. The two women sat in silence, staring at the back of a shelf that once held gardening tools. Eventually, Michonne stood with a groan, and held out a hand to Beth, which she took gratefully.

"I get the not wanting to talk thing, as you can probably guess. But if you ever need to, I am here." Michonne kindly suggested, before her face contorted in discomfort. "I can't imagine trying to talk to Rick about some of this stuff."

Beth laughed at that, the ridiculousness apparent to her. "You'd be surprised." She grinned, and Michonne rolled her eyes teasingly. The two women walked back to where they left the boys. However, they only found Carl, sitting on the bed reading a comic book, his legs swinging off the edge of the mattress looking for all the world like a normal 13 year old.

He saw them approach, and Beth blushed under his appraising gaze. "You ok?" he asked quickly, and Beth nodded shyly.

"Where's Rick?" Michonne asked, looking around her, a stabilizing hand still on Beth's shoulder.

Carl shrugged as his attention returned to his comic book. "He took your katana and said he was going for a walk."

"He took my what?!" Michonne screeched, and Beth felt her blood go cold. She had upset Rick so much that he had put himself in danger. If not from walkers, than certainly from Michonne's wrath.

"I'm going after him." Beth asserted, her tone leaving no room for discussion. Still, Michonne grabbed her arm.

"You're kidding right?" Michonne snapped at Beth, her fingers digging into the flesh of her upper arm. "Just because he's an idiot who ran off doesn't mean I'm going to let you do the same. You have no idea what direction he even went in."

Beth shook her head vehemently. "I don't care. I can't leave him out there alone."

Michonne sighed as she loosened her grip slightly. "Look, he'll be back. You know he will. And if he comes back and you're not here, he's going to stab me with my own katana. Don't let me die like that, Beth."

Beth sighed, and her eyes fell on Carl, who was regarding her with some curiosity. When he noticed her gaze, however, his eyes returned to his comic, and Beth groaned. "Fine. Fine! But if he's not back in an hour I'm going after him."

Michonne grinned, her teeth unnaturally white despite 2 years of the apocalypse. "More than fair." She declared.

It didn't take an hour. 45 minutes later a sweaty, blood covered Rick burst back into the store. Beth and Michonne practically raced to see who would get to him first. Michonne beat her out slightly, and yanked her katana out of his hands.

"You touch this again, you die." She threatened, and turned on her heels, casting Beth a wink as she stalked off, leaving them alone.

"Dad you good?" Beth heard Carl yell from his perch on the bed, and Rick chuckled.

"I'm good!" he yelled back to him.

"K!" was the response and Beth rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"So you're fine?" She asked carefully, inspecting every bump and bruise in sight.

Rick sighed and nodded. Beth's head bobbed in a sharp, frustrated motion, before she pushed him. "Then I can get past worry and straight into anger. What the hell were you thinking?" she cried, clenching her fists tightly. "You scared the hell out of me. You left me here." Her voice tapered off as Rick reached out for her, his hands tentatively gripping her elbows.

"I'm sorry Beth. I got scared, I'm sorry." He whispered, and Beth reluctantly gave into his touch.

She sighed heavily and nodded in acceptance of his apology. "I'm sorry I pushed you away. It's just hard, it hurts, I don't know-"

"You don't have to explain." Rick cut her off. "It's okay."

Beth swallowed as she wrapped her arms around herself. Rick pulled her body into his embrace, as his hand raked over her hair. "I'm sorry Beth."

Beth's hands relaxed, and she gripped his shirt. Rick pushed her back gently and looked down at her.

"Listen. I was thinking out there. I want to ask you something." Beth heard the hitch in Rick's voice, and she chewed on the inside of her lip as he struggled to convey whatever was rolling around in his mind.

"I think we should go out tomorrow morning. Just the two of us." Rick's voice labored, and Beth tried to process what he was asking.

"Like on a run?" she asked carefully, and Rick shook his head.

"No. Not like on a run." He clarified, and Beth couldn't help but break into a smile.

She found herself nodding her head up and down vigorously. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that a lot."

Rick mirrored the grin on her face as he laughed lightly. "Good."

Beth's heart raced as Rick's fingers found her chin, and he tilted it up, capturing her lips in a searing kiss.

**Woohoo! It's happening guys! I hope you're all is excited as I am. But I've had caffeine, so its possible no one is as excited as I am.**

**Also, thank you guys for checking out that smutty one-shot I wrote. It got several -shall we say- favorable reviews, which just solidifies that you are all a bunch a perverts, just like me. :) **

**I'm trying to respond to all reviews, but my phone has been glitchy as hell, so if I missed you this time, I'm sorry sorry sorry, and I promise to grab you next time. You are all my favorite people in the universe, so I want you to know how much I appreciate your reviews. I'd send you all a big, gooey chocolate chip cookie if I could. **

**The next chapter is written, but I'm tinkering with it. Still, it should be out sooner rather than later. Thanks again guys!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Sorry, sorry, sorry I'm a horrible fan fiction author. I'll explain in a little more detail below. On top of everything, this is shorter than normal. Take me out for flogging now.**

**I don't own The Walking Dead.**

They had all eaten dinner together, a veritable smorgasbord of canned goods. Though Beth knew they were lucky to have it, and each other. Still, she elected to sneak off to be alone after they had finished. As much as she enjoyed the company, there were times she felt the need to be alone with her thoughts. After all, it wasn't as if any of them could really understand what she was feeling.

She settled against a wall, facing what had once been a display of paper towels. She wondered vaguely if they would be worth the space they would take up. They were bulky to carry around, but if someone were injured, they would wish they had them.

"Hey."

Beth looked up from her nails that she had been picking at absent mindedly. She smiled as she regarded Carl, as tall as she was now, but still completely dwarfed by the hat on his head. "Carl." She responded, with affection, but also a healthy dose of wariness, as the expression on his face was wrinkled in solemnity.

"I think we should talk." He responded, his arms crossing across his chest.

Beth's breathing caught in her throat. Had he noticed her… affection towards Rick? Was he angry with her? "Okay." She agreed, her legs stretching out in front of her.

Carl sighed, and sat next to her on the ground. His head gave a gently thump against the wall behind them, and it pushed his hat forward on his head. He grabbed it in his hands, staring at it absently before finally lowering it to the ground beside him. He shook his hair roughly, pushing his long bangs out of his eyes.

"You have PTSD." He said it so matter of factly that it took Beth a moment to process it. No one had ever phrased it like that to her either. The terminology scared her, and her instinct was to deny it. But as the words settle into place within her, she knew it was true.

She nodded. "Yes. I do."

Carl echoed her nodding gesture. "I get it." He whispered, his cheeks reddening as his eyes bored a hole into the ground in front of them. "After I had to put down mom." He added as explanation.

Beth silently cursed. Of course he understood. She had gotten so used to being alone with these problems, she had forgotten that she wasn't the only one who had known hurt, who had done things that haunted them.

Beth scooted closer to Carl, and took his warm hand in her own. Their fingers intertwined, and though he didn't meet her gaze, she saw the edge of his smile quirk up in a grateful grin. "How did you… move past it?" she asked carefully.

Carl scoffed, as his thumb absentmindedly smoothed her skin. "I haven't. I don't know that I will. I'd like to tell you it gets a little easier every day, but it doesn't. Some days are like it never happened, and some days the weight of it hits you all at once, knocking the wind out of you, leaving you to wonder if you'll ever breathe normally again."

Beth swallowed as tears pricked at her eyes. As much as she appreciated that he wasn't sugar coating it for her, Carl had essentially just confirmed her worst fears. This was the new normal; this burden would follow her around for the rest of her life. Worse than that, however, was the knowledge that Carl had been feeling like this. For months, and as far as she knew, he had been dealing with it alone. Rick had certainly never mentioned it to her, and he would have at this point. If not the boy's father then who would be there to help him?

"Do you… have nightmares?" She asked warily. She knew she wouldn't want to answer these questions if it were the other way around, but she also needed to know these answers, for the both of them. Still, Carl noticeably winced at the question.

"Yes." He answered honestly, if not succinctly. His grip tightened on her hand. "I see it so clearly sometimes. I see my mother broken in front of me. But the worst part isn't what I see. It's that same feeling I had then, gripping at my heart. That I failed to save her- and that if I don't dig deep and find some semblance of bravery and put her down, I'll fail again. And she'll turn into the one thing we've been fighting against."

Beth nodded fiercely, even as tears ran silently down her cheeks. "Yes. Yes I know what you mean." She knew her words would be of little comfort to him now, but maybe there could be some peace knowing they weren't alone. Or at least, they were alone together.

She remembered her own nightmares, and that same moment of decision. She was knelt before him, and she could either take it or fight. She had chosen to fight in the moment, but sometimes, in her dreams, she didn't. Sometimes she did what he told her to do. Sometimes Rick never got to her. Sometimes she even died. Her worst nightmare had been when Billy had slit her throat only after he'd had his way with her. Even though she died, she could feel the blood seeping from her body, pouring over her. Rick had come in the door then, and she had looked at him with cold dead eyes.

The cold hand of anxiety gripped at her heart then, and any semblance of composure fled rapidly. Heavy sobs wracked her body.

"Shit." Carl mumbled. He pulled her into his embrace, and she folded in on herself. "Beth I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

But Beth shook her head rapidly. "No, no, it isn't you." She mumbled between sniffled breaths. "I needed this desperately. I needed to know it wasn't just me."

Carl bent his narrow frame towards her and pressed a small kiss into her hair. "It isn't just you."

The two of them stayed together like that until Beth's tears dried. Even with her head buried in Carl's shirt, she knew that he had shared a few silent tears with her as well. His next brash sentence startled her out of the comfort she had found, however.

"We should probably talk about your intentions with my father."

Beth sat up suddenly, and was relieved to see an impetuous grin on his face. "Oh, shut up Carl." She laughed, slapping his arm. "Do you care?" she asked quickly, and he quirked an eyebrow up at her.

"Of course I care. Once upon a time, I had earmarked you for myself, if you'll recall." He smiled at her, but there was no malice in his tone.

Beth wrinkled her nose at him. "Thanks for that. That's not weird at all."

He laughed at her joke softly, in a way that reminded her of Lori, and her gentle understanding. "No, I don't really care. It's more than a little weird though Beth. Dude's old as fuck."

Beth's instinct was to tell him to watch his language, but she knew they were far past that now. Instead she just laughed. "Yes, dude is old as fuck. Good thing there's no way he could outlive me."

Carl nodded solemnly at the reminder that they were all already on borrowed time. "It's going to be hard for him. He's going to try to fix you." He whispered, a blush again creeping up his neck. "It's why I never told him how hard it's been… some things aren't able to be fixed."

Beth said nothing, but lulled her head on his shoulder.

"I know."

**Okay, so this is not the chapter I wrote to go here. That chapter is written, and will probably be the next one I post, though likely not in its current form. They WILL go on their date, worry not. I just don't like their date as I've written it. Its not bad, its cute, but not what I wanted. I'm probably overthinking it. As I am wont to do.**

**Here's my issue, and I'd love your feedback on it. Rick doesn't get it. He can't, not really. And that's okay, most of the time people don't. But I felt like Beth needed SOMEONE who did. But I worry about accidentally writing Rick into a corner, as someone who will never 'really' understand the person he proclaims to love (eventually). That's not how I view him, but its a little tricky. So bear with me.**

**I hope you guys liked this. I liked the idea that Carl would get it. They're never going to have a normal relationship, because Beth can't really be a step mom to him, she's like 6 years older. That's silly, and everyone knows it. I thought why not embrace it, and really establish a trusting friendship instead? So that's what I'm doing.**

**Thank you guys for reading, it means the world to me.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Sorry, sorry, sorry. I've even had this chapter written for a while, I'm just a terrible person. Life's been weird lately. But you don't want to hear excuses, you want to (finally!) read a chapter!**

**I don't own The Walking Dead.**

Michonne wasn't sure why everyone thought she was an idiot. It had started when she was a child, being the youngest of five children had that effect. She was generally regarded as an afterthought, a fact that, as an adult, she knew that informed her hard work in school. She had never quite received the reaction she had hoped for upon presenting her straight A's to her mom, but the look of genuine surprise had served well enough.

Then of course, she got married. God knew why she did that. And her husband and his friends would laugh and joke about her boobs like she couldn't hear them from five feet away. And her love for art was regarded as nothing more than her liking "pretty things." Of course, they were dead now, and she was very much alive, so she felt like that answered the question of whether or not she was intelligent pretty well.

Then there was Andrea, who just called her crazy and a conspiracy theorist when she begged her to leave Woodbury. Everything had been wrong about Woodbury, from the biter fights to the man in charge, the Governor. Andrea had too been blinded by her desire for normalcy and a decent lay to listen to her. That time, for the first time, Michonne hated being right.

And now, there was Beth and Rick. The two practically drooled over each other in a fashion that Michonne found deeply disturbing. Even more disturbing was the fact that not only did the two of them think they were sneaking around her with any success (as if) but the two of them also seemed to be fairly oblivious to the other's drooling.

It was really getting on Michonne's nerves.

She had seen it from the second she walked in. Rick had been absorbed in his son, but even so, his body had been unconsciously oriented to Beth. And Beth was even worse, her blue eyes were pinned to Rick, aware of his every facet, from his hitched breathing to the shaking shudders in his shoulders. Her fingers had danced across the sheets of the bed where she sat, as if they were ready to leap into action to care for him if needed.

Michonne didn't know what had happened on the road between the two of them, and she really didn't need to. It was abundantly clear that a bond had formed between them. Not one of lust, though Michonne noticed that simmering beneath the surface as well, but one of trust and pure, unadulterated, _need_.

Neither of them had said anything to her about it, of course. They were all sidelong glances and blushes. She understood their hesitancy, particularly with Carl. God knows how the boy would react to his father getting it on with his one-time crush. His hormones were a mine field that Michonne had only somewhat successfully navigated in their time alone together. But what Michonne didn't understand was why they were hiding from each other.

Not physically, of course, though they both had shown restraint there. Again she wondered if it was perhaps her hair style that made people think she was a complete dolt. Like she didn't see and hear Rick sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night to calm a fitful Beth. Like she was completely oblivious to the love emanating out of Rick when he would wrap his arms around her until she fell asleep again; or to the way Beth would sigh in his arms, and breathe in his scent, like it was the only thing she needed.

Then morning would come, and it was all innocent touches and blushes again.

And it was making her crazy.

She wanted to grab the two of them and lock them in a room, until they either talked or boned, and she was beyond caring which.

So when Rick woke Michonne up again, by tripping over her leg, she was about ready to throttle him. But he didn't wrap around Beth like a blanket this time. Instead, he shook her gently and whispered to her, words that were just beyond Michonne's hearing. Beth giggled quietly, a sound that Michonne was surprised to hear.

The two of them walked off together, disappearing from her sight. Michonne wondered vaguely what they were up to, when she heard the telltale creak of the beams being moved from the entrance to the store, and she was sure they were sneaking out for some clandestine time together.

Michonne let out her breath in a heavy sigh.

_It's about damn time._

/

It was still dark as Rick blindly pulled Beth up the tall hill. His legs strained at the exertion, and he wondered briefly if this was really the best plan he could come up with. In all fairness, it wasn't as if he could take Beth on a normal date. They couldn't rightly take in a movie, or try the new restaurant in town. And pretty much every meal they ate was a picnic at this point, wasn't it? But his concern flooded out of him at the sensation of Beth holding his hand, and he remembered why the company made it very, very worth it.

It had been even better when they had snuck out this morning. She had laughed when he asked her if she wanted to go for a walk, but had practically run out of the building with him. Once they were clear of the building and the brisk morning air had hit them, she had thrown her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, her body pressed firmly against his own, and he had clutched at her like she was his life raft. She kissed him chastely on the cheek before breaking the embrace suddenly, and sauntered off in front of him with nothing more than a wink.

He pretty nearly died right then.

When they finally reached the top of the hill, he heard Beth huff behind him, and pinch her side.

"God, I'm out of shape." She sighed, and Rick smirked at her, but scoffed.

"Hardly. We're all in perfect shape, just underfed." He sighed, and she nodded sadly. They both took in the clearing for the first time. It was quiet, but it was so different from the quiet they were used to. In this world, quiet was almost a bad thing. But Rick had cleared the walkers yesterday, so he had high hopes they would remain uninterrupted.

His glance cast over to Beth who was staring up at the sky, the moonlight illuminating her features. Rick wrapped his arms behind her from behind, almost annoyed at how powerless he was to keep his hands off of her. She chuckled softly against him, but her hands moved slowly over his forearms and she sighed against him as he pressed a small kiss into the nape of her neck.

"You can still see Orion." She whispered to him, and Rick smirked against her skin.

"I didn't know you were an astronomer." He teased, and he swore he could hear her rolling his eyes at him.

She pulled out of his embrace and pointed at the constellation. "If you can find Orion, the big and little dipper are easy to spot." When he remained rooted to the spot, Beth turned and pulled him by his wrist until he was even with her. "Look." She whispered. She pressed closely to him and used her finger to trace out the constellations. "Growing up on a farm, they're hard to miss." She mused in explanation.

Rick admitted on some level he found the night sky beautiful, but he was more than a little distracted by the feel of Beth's breath on his cheek, and the flutter of her eyelashes against him. He cleared his throat roughly, and stepped back, giving him some distance between he and Beth before his body betrayed him. He sat against a tree, and ran his hand through his hair.

Beth seemed unfazed as she turned and regarded him. She seemed to only shrug before approaching him and sitting between his legs, grabbing his arms and wrapping them around her. This was so different to Rick, he was unsure of how to react. Not the touching part, the touching part was as natural as breathing to them now. There had been physical connection out of necessity, as a form of silent communication as they struggled to keep quiet in trouble. And of course, there had been the other things. The sleeping together, and the loaded if innocent touches were something else altogether. But now… now it meant even more. Every touch was no longer a question, but a confirmation of what had been stirring between them so heavily for so long. It made him sigh with relief.

Beth misinterpreted his sigh. "I want to apologize again." She muttered, her finger swirling through the hair on his arm, as a nervous tic. "I didn't mean to freak out at you. I just got scared, it wasn't even you I was seeing, I just…"

"Beth." He interrupted her with a small kiss to her temple. "I'm not mad, and you don't need to apologize. I get it."

She huffed so fiercely it almost made him laugh. "I'm so tired of being scared." She barked out, her hands clenching at the air in front of her.

Rick held her tighter, his chin resting on her shoulder as her head fell back to rest on his own. "I get it, you know. I'm scared too, Beth."

She shook her head softly. "What are you afraid of?"

Rick almost yelled at her. What wasn't he afraid of? But he felt like that would set a bad precedent on a first date, so he took a deep breath before beginning to try to explain. "I'm scared for you. I'm scared of having to lead again. I'm scared of failing you-"

"Failing me?" she interrupted his diatribe, and he sighed as he nodded.

"Yes, failing you." Beth's hand came up and twisted in his hair. "I know you're struggling Beth, and I know you need your sister. I don't know where to find her; I don't even know where to start. I don't know if I could watch you go through the pain of us searching and coming up empty again and again. The thought alone tears me apart."

Beth turned and studied him for a moment, before grabbing his shirt and pulling him to her again. Rick never grew tired of her touch, but he worried momentarily about the intensity of her hug. She was desperately grasping at him, and he rubbed her back gently, before pushing her back slowly.

"Sorry." Beth mumbled, and Rick chuckled softly.

"Beth, I can promise you that you'll never have to be sorry for hugging me. I just want to make sure you're okay."

Rick brushed his knuckles across a bruise that was fading from her face as she shook her head vigorously. "Just glad to hear you care about finding them too."

Rick scrunched his face in frustration, and his hands fell from her face. "Beth, I want Maggie back for you, yes. But they mean a lot to me too. Glenn is the one who saved my life at the very beginning of all this. And Maggie has long been someone I've looked to for support many times. I want them back for me, too. Don't ever think I don't care about getting us all back together."

Rick worried that he had been too harsh in his words, but Beth's eyes warmed, and she smiled at him in understanding.

"Good." She said simply, before settling back against him again.

They were quiet for a while as the dark blue of the sky finally began to be painted with purples and reds. This is what he had brought her here for; for the image of the sun rising up over the trees.

"It's going to be a good one." He murmured into her ear, as she turned again in his arms.

"Yeah, it is." She breathed, before she tugged on his shirt invitingly. Rick smirked as he met her lips with his own.

They missed most of the sunrise.

**Hope you guys enjoyed. Let me know via a review if you would... **


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